Portland Punk'd

The first Portland bar I went to was SPACE Gallery, then Ruski's. A couple weeks later a friend took me to Geno's on Brown Street. After ducking down the stairs and taking one look around, I remember feeling so relieved, thinking "now I can call Portland my home." There's something about a dingy, dark, basement bar that makes a girl feel welcome.

I went back to Geno's frequently. I must've smoked a lung cancer's worth of cigarettes in the secret smoke room. I made out with my ex-boyfriend in the ladies room. I fell in love with the local music scene after hearing Owen Money & the Saviors, The Pontiffs, The Queers, The Hot Tarts, The Horror.

Life was good. Until the spring of 2005 when Geno's was forced out of its location at 13 Brown Street, which was home to punk rockers for 22 years. Why? I can't remember the details, but it involved a noise ordinance and the building of condos.

It wasn't long before Geno's shut down and reopened at 625 Congress Street, the ex-location of The Skinny, a beloved bar now closed. The new Geno's isn't nearly as dingy, but the people still come. And the atmosphere lives on. There have been several different bookers, none with as much personality as Barb, and they're still booking the bands we love: King Memphis, The Pontiffs, Eggbot, Sasquatch and the Sickabillies, Hi-Fivin' White Guys, Lady Kensington and the Beatlords. Geno's has always booked local music and has given many bands their first chance at building a fan base.

My love for Geno's runs deep. When I wrote "8 Days a Week" for the Phoenix, I must've hyped a Geno's show 3-4 times a week. And there's good reason. Where else can you spit beer on the bassist for the Hi-Fivin' White Guys and not get kicked out? Where else can you yell insults like "you suck" and "never play music again" to a band on stage and not get your ass kicked. Where else can you steal a Bingo prize and a crazy bald guy smashes a chair in rage? He wanted to win that pregnancy test, dammit!

The trouble with Geno's isn't the chair-smashing guy, it's the crowd. You never know when the place will be packed or empty. Most punk rockers are broke and can't afford a $5-8 cover in addition to the dozen PBRs they plann on drinking. I've missed many a good show due to an empty bank account.

It's not like the drinks are expensive - they're average in price for Portland. Bottled beers (no drafts!) cost $2.50-4 and include most national beers (PBR, Sam Adams, New Castle) and a few locals (Shipyard, Geary's). Well drinks are $5. You'll spend around what you would at any other bar, except you'll rock out harder.

Really, anyone is welcome at Geno's, unless you're that sorostitute who kept dancing into me. Yeah, you - stop being so drunk and dumb and go back to Foreplay where you belong.

Long live Geno's!