When God says "No," he means it

People don't always have the best decision-making abilities. That thing people call "will power"...well, I never got an ounce of it.

I'm not good at telling myself "No," and the slightest reference to food makes me hungry.

At the office, for example, a colleague might mention that he's having computer trouble, which is a problem. Having a problem makes me think of how people, if they're overly optimistic or a little passive, refer to a problem as being "in a pickle" (which makes me laugh, because "pickle" is a far cry from the language I use). And then of course the pickle makes me think of a sandwich - not just any sandwich but a chicken salad sandwich. And you can't eat a sandwich without chips - preferably Fritos - and hot damn I have $5.00 in my wallet right now.

But sometimes, even though it seems the world practically led me to my chicken salad sandwich destiny, a voice in my head reprimands me for not buying carrots instead.

And sometimes, God even intervenes, knocking the sandwich clear out of my hand.

There was nothing salvageable. Within 2 minutes I experienced every step in the grieving process, and with a tear in my eye I laid the destroyed mess to rest in a trash receptacle.

So long, good friend.