Maine's all-star team, the Port Authorities, have a bout on Saturday of this weekend. I play for the Authorities, so this is game week for me. Bouts are the sweet whipped-cream-and-cherry on top of the giant roller derby sundaes that are filled with training and league-work and meetings and events and suffering through minor injuries and more training. Finally, we get to get out there and play a game in front of a crowd! It's so gratifying…and nerve-wracking. Everyone deals with game week differently, and everyone suffers from varying levels of nervousness, from zero to nearly full-blown mental meltdown. Me? Historically I fall on the near-meltdown end of that spectrum. But this season, I am absolutely determined to change that.

I don't want to be one of the ones who struggles with nerves, but I accept that I am and always have been. For every game up to this point, the scales have been as such:

Two to three weeks before game day: Immersed in Public Relations and Media-related work for the league, as well as general league work. Nerves at acceptable low-level background static.

Week of game: Nothing other than derby in my mind, not for one minute of the day or night. What will the other team be like? Will they kill us? So much work to do, did I remember to send that email? Should I have gotten new bearings this week? Will I let my team down? What's that noise? Oh no it's 3 in the morning, why can't I sleep? Surely I will fail without sleep. Nerves at constant, somewhat uncomfortable mosquito-buzzing-in-ear pitch.

Night before game: It's happening tomorrow oh my gaaaawwd I may implode. How will I sleep? I must get sleep. I must eat carbs. Lots of carbs, more carbs than usual. Carbs will save me. Something will save me. I can't take the waiting, waiting is the hardest part. Is it tomorrow yet? Nerves at near-audible level, like they're screaming in my ear. Stomach flip-flops at least once every hour.

Game day: After a morning of fever-pitched checking of gear, forced eating, hyper-hydration, and generally fruitless attempts at distraction, nerves are winning the battle. Arrive at Expo hours before game time to help prepare. Time drags more slowly than ever seemed possible. Fans start arriving. Elation and fear increase. Suddenly we're behind the curtain and waiting through the referees' introductions, then the other team's introductions. Would literally climb walls if wheels were not attached to feet. Laughing hysterically at slightest provocation. Convinced other team's friendly and fun personae is a clever ruse and I actually WILL die, if not by implosion then by gruesome murder by opposing team who is clearly carrying concealed axes and knives which they will use when I take to the track. Death is imminent. Totally unclear why I ever thought this was a good idea.

Aaaand…scene. I believe some small amount of performance anxiety is good for most people, because if you're going into an athletic competition thinking you've got it in the bag you will undoubtedly fail. Yet one doesn't want the joy of playing to be overwhelmed by anxiety either. Fortunately, the second the whistle blows on the first jam I play my nerves are 99% demolished by pure adrenaline and excitement. It's really hard to have room for anxiety when you're trying to avoid being tossed through the air by an opposing blocker.

But like I said, this year will be different. Already the weeks leading up to now have been more calm, mostly due to the fact that we're becoming old hands at this bout production business. I've also bouted enough times that I'm beginning to get into the rhythm of the dreaded waiting-for-the-first-whistle-to-blow moments.

It also helps that this last Sunday some of my teammates and I traveled to South Boston to scrimmage the Boston Massacre (Boston Derby Dames' phenomenal all-star team, 14th-ranked nationally) as part of a mixed-team of skaters from several New England leagues. There's nothing like getting your butt wrapped up and handed to you in a neat little package by a bunch of really nice skaters to remind you that you won't actually die at the hands of the opposing team, that derby is fun, and that no matter what happens in a game you will learn so much and be that much better next time you skate. Plus, after spending an entire scrimmage skating against the likes of some of my personal derby heroes such as Lois Carmen Dominator, Claire D. Way, and Anna WrecksYa, pretty much nothing can scare me now. I'm ready to relax and savor the moment this Saturday. Bring on the axes, I can take it!

Don't forget, you can watch the Port Authorities take on Montreal's New Skidz on the Block this Saturday, September, 13th, at 6 pm at the Portland Expo. Doors open and the Pubcrawlers start playing at 5 pm. Ticket information and more details at mainerollerderby.com.