I wrote a creative non-fiction piece for a Penn State University writing contest for alumni. Enjoy. I hope.

We've been recruiting since derby existed in Maine. I'm jealous of my hometown, Pittsburgh, where they started the Steel City Derby Dames the same time MRD started up and they have something like six teams. Maine just doesn't have the big population pool to recruit from.
We rollergirls are always sizing up women, talking to them about joining, and at almost all of our events there are tons of girls - usually drunk ones - that are pumped to join derby. We all get excited about our new friends and potential derby sisters. But, alas, we never see their faces again.

Last Sunday, we held our first "Recruitment Day," which was quite successful. We had 17 girls sign on and jibber about how they want to skate with us. This is fantastic. And even more fantastic is that a few actually showed up at Tuesday's practice.

But I'm not getting my hopes up. I've waisted far too many nights blubbering about how derby is so wonderful and how it changes your life, blah blah, and been burned far too many times by girls with their fake promises of joining.

So hey new derby girls - let's see what you're made of. Don't let your commitment-phobia ruin it for you and the rest of us! PROVE YOURSELVES!

Predominately I'm a blocker. I play as pivot and outside, which means I usually rock out the front of the pack. I like it up there where I can see everything that goes on and wait for the jammers to come to me. I love when the opposing jammer is just about to break the pack and I am the last line of defense. I do my best - or worst! - to keep her back or knock her to the floor where she'll have to start all over again trying to make it back up to and past me.

Over the past few months I've started jamming at practices. I've done so in order to learn that position should I be needed and to learn about the position as to be a better blocker. Honestly, I don't like jamming that much. Not only is it incredibly tiring, but you have to rely on other people (your team) to help you. I don't like relying on anyone for anything in life. I do it myself. But I also like to help other people. As a blocker I get to help. You know, like "it's shake n bake and hept."

I feel comfortable having someone rely on me. The challenge to prove myself dependable is one I often take. In derby, the jammer needs me, and I like to be known as a reliable team player. Nothing feels better than people wanting you on their team.

I love derby. Oh, how I love the derby.

The Game

Quick definitions:
bout - the entire game of roller derby (ie. match, game)
period - there are three periods in a bout, these periods consist of unlimited jams
jam - when gameplay occurs; can last up to two minutes, but no more than

Each team has anywhere from 7-14 players. From that pool of players 5 girls are selected from each team for a jam. Four girls are blockers and one is a jammer for each team. The jammer wears a panty (helmet cover) with a star. The pivot, the blocker leading the pack, wears the panty with the stripe. Different girls are chosen for positions in jams. Some girls block and jam. Some are only jammers, and some are only blockers.

Jammers from both teams are positioned 33 feet from the pack. At the first whistle the pack (the group of 8 total girls) takes off. At the second whistle the jammers take off trying to catch up with the pack and break through.

Points are NOT scored during the inital break of the pack. The jammers vie for lead-jammer status, which would allow them to "call off the jam" whenever they choose. To achieve lead-jammer status, the jammer must break the pack first without going out of bounds or committing any penalties (back-blocking, cutting the track, elbowing, etc). The jammers can use their blockers to pull their way through, and blockers try to whip their jammer through or push other blockers out of the way while blocking the opposing jammer.

After the initial pass, jammers can score points. This is done by legally passing blockers. Every blocker of the opposing team that the jammer passes legally is one point. She can score a total of four points on every pass through the pack. If she is lead-jammer, she can strategically call of the jam before the other jammer passes through or continue for the full two minutes to rack up as many points possible.

Other reasons to call of the jam are if the jammer is caught in the pack and the opposing jammer is about to score more points, the jammer is knocked out, the jammer is tired, etc.

The blockers never score points. In the rare occasion that the jammer "passes the star" - a strategic move where the jammer takes off her star panty and gives it to the pivot - the pivot can score points after circling around and passing through the pack.

A jam can last up to two minutes and there are unlimited jams in every period. Each period is twenty minutes long. There are three periods in a bout.

The team with the most points wins. I love winning.

Easy, huh? Well, easy until you try playing. Or reffing!

We have been confirmed that our official first season will be this fall at the Portland Expo. Dates include Sept 8, Sept 22, and Oct 6. Information about ticket sales, season passes, and bouting teams will be available within the next couple months. Bouts are family friendly, and we invite all ages to attend; however, we do rate ourselves somewhere around PG-13.

We are in the process of creating at least two permanent teams (Nautical Knockouts and Port Authorities were only temporary teams for our last bout). This has been difficult for our league, due to such small numbers, but we are hoping to have enough girls ready to bout for the Fall. If we do not, we will invite other leagues to esemble an all-star team to bout against our all-star team.

I'm hoping for both a bout of our own teams and a couple bouts with other leagues. It's terribly exciting to play another league.
I just can't wait to get out there and show you all how awesome roller derby is!

In addition to skating in bouts, I am the head of Bout Production, which means I must plan and manage all bouts. It's a big job, but most of the league pitches in. Currently, we are looking for EMTs, statisticians, and other support staff. We are also taking submissions of music from anyone interested in becoming our official DJ for bouts and after parties. If interested, contact me at punchyoguts@mainerollerderby.com.