The greatest short film you'll ever see.
Not kidding. It's epic. Go to http://www.mainerollerderby.com/press and scroll down to MRD Videos. Click on the first one. The next 4.5 minutes of your life will never be the same.
PS - Did you get your tickets yet? April 12 is in two weeks!
How to Spot a Derby Girl
written by Killer Quick
Modern day roller derby is made up of women from all walks of life. We’re not all tattooed, or built like refrigerators (or like skinny minnies either). We don’t all walk around with middle-finger-flying attitudes or snarl at polite society…unless of course polite society is snarling at our sport. Then we tend to bite back. Collectively we represent a little bit of a lot things, but nonetheless there are some ways to spy the ever-elusive Maine Roller Derby skater in her daily life. Here are some tell-tale signs you might be looking at a roller derby girl…
Swagger
There’s something in the way a woman walks when she knows she is incredibly strong, tough, and athletic. Most skaters talk about having earned a new-found confidence after they started playing serious roller derby. I’ve found myself many times thinking “that’s okay…I can take him if I have to” when annoyed by some over-aggressive yahoo.
Curious Scars or Leopard-looking Spots on Upper Thighs
It’s common, though not required or expected, for rollergirls to wear some form of stockings, tights, or leggings under her uniform. Sometimes those are fishnet-style stockings of assorted variety. Know what happens when you fall at high speeds and slide along the floor? It’s called track rash, baby, and oh how it burns. Now imagine someone wearing tiny criss-crossing ropes of fabric all across her legs taking a big fall and sliding along the floor on an upper thigh/hip. The results come in fascinating shapes and patterns, and sometimes take months to fade away.
Bulging Quadriceps
Proper roller derby skating form is in a squat. Picture Olympic speed skaters for a visual. Now imagine spending 4, 6, or more hours per week in that position. Add to that a routine of suicides, squats, lunges, jumping, and falling drills that involve hitting the floor and popping up immediately. Now picture the legs, and especially the quadriceps (the four main muscles on the front of the thigh) that are attached to those women. Yea. Uh huh. Yowza. For purposes of modesty, I’m pointedly not going into detail about the accompanying bums of steel.
Bruises
In roller derby, falls happen. Go figure when you’re racing around on wheels, throwing yourself into or in the way of opposing skaters. We train ourselves to be able to take the most bone-shattering, spine-cracking hits without ending up on the floor, but hello-floor-meet-my-body is still going to happen from time to time. Therefore, as with any full-contact sport, rollergirls end up with some pretty spectacular bruises. Some of the most common tend to be bruises on the upper arms from the impact of a particularly bony shoulder, or large blooming flowers of purple, red, yellow, and black on hips, thighs, and shins. The most amusing bruise I’ve witnessed was a perfectly-formed circular bruise exactly the size and shape of a skate wheel, right in the middle of a buttcheek. It was deep, dark, and the result of a fall upon the skater’s own skate wheel…and it was glorious. Rollergirls wear their hard-earned bruises with pride.
That Smell…What on Earth Is That Smell?!
Roller derby is not all glory and glamour. In fact, most of it involves a lot of sweat, pain, and dirt… all in pursuit of the glory and the glamour of course. If you happen to be at a bar or eating establishment and pass a table of women yelling things about “jams” and “gravediggers” and “body blocking,” and you get a whiff of an unholy odor as you breeze by while wondering what strange language these girls are speaking, you have probably just passed a group of derby girls enjoying a post-practice adult beverage. Please know we cannot help the odiferous accessory… no amount of washing can keep our necessary safety gear on knees, elbows, wrists, and heads from taking on an occasional unfriendly aura of… well, like I said, we work up an honest day’s sweat several times a week in that gear, and the smell doesn’t always like to stick just to the pads. It’s definitely the mark of a post-practice rollergirl, and we wear it with pride. We also buy a lot of laundry soap and Oxyclean.
Equipped with these insider tips, you’re sure to be able to spot a rollergirl or two in your midst. Make her day by giving her a smile, a nod, and maybe a big ol’ “Hey, Maine Roller Derby rules! Where can I buy tickets?” (The answer is Bull Moose Music and www.mainerollerderby.com.)
Riveter Challenge
In the fall, we scored an undefeated season against Hudson Valley Horrors, Pioneer Valley Roller Derby and Albany All-stars. This season is going to be far more challenging. MRD will have to fight to earn every point and stop the opposing team from scoring.
In just three weeks (April 12), the Port Authorities take on the Rhode Island Riveters, ranked 14 on WFTDA's National Rankings at www.wftda.com.
Let me say that again - the Riveters are ranked 14 on the national chart. MRD isn't even on the chart yet!
The Rhode Island Riveters are no joke. Just look at them. I've seen some of these girls play and they are fierce. Lotta Pain is like a mac truck. Da Silva Bullet is, well, as fast as a damn bullet. Hysterica! is mean as hell. And Craisy Dukes zips through the pack before you knew she even approached it. Read more about the league at www.providencerollerderby.com.
MRD is up for a serious challenge. Although the Port Authorities assembled just a month ago, we are training hard to face this far-more-experienced team.
And let me tell you, our trainer, Olive Spankins, is taking her job seriously. We train three times a week for two hours for endurance, skill and strategy. There are plenty of lunges, speed-skating, planks, push-ups and falling drills to make you puke.
The PAs will put up a strong, skilled fight against the Riveters and this bout will certainly be an on-the-edge-of-your-seat-if-you're-even-sitting throwdown of roller derby madness! We can't wait to show our fans how hard we've been training - and hopefullly score a few wins in the process and put Maine in the WFTDA rankings!
March 14, 2008
Past, Present & Future
After an off season (of skates, not business) through the holidays, Maine Roller Derby is back in full effect. Here's the scoop on the 2008 Season.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED
* New Recruit Day brought in a dozen or so lovely Fresh Meat ladies who are training hard to be the next big roller derby sensation.
* Our Anti-Valentine's Day event was a terrible success with tons of people supporting our hatred of love. Feel it Robot and Don Creeper provided live music and the rollergirls read letters and poems of hatred.
* Maine Roller Derby has two official teams scheduled to play interleague bouts against leagues all over the East Coast and Canada! The Port Authorities is made up of the all-star players. The Calamity Janes is made up of the fabulous girls who rock the track, but haven't yet excelled to all-starness.
* The Port Authorities played their first exhibition bout against the Boston Massacre in the Shriner's Auditorium in Massachusetts on March 8. The bout was a short 30 minute period of helmet-rattling fury. The Massacre won (81-51) and the Port Authorities left with a long list of training to-dos before the first official bout of the season.
WHAT'S COMING UP!
* Our Lucky Lass Throwdown is scheduled for this Saturday (March 15) at Bubba's, where there will be plenty of dancing, leg-wrestling, arm-wrestling and other shenanigans.
* The 2008 Bouting Season!!
April 12: Port Authorities vs Rhode Island Riveters
with live music by Lovewhip
May 3: Port Authorities vs Long Island Roller Rebels
with Edith Jones Project
May 17: Port Authorities vs Connecticut Stepford Sabotage
with Lady Kensington & the Beatlords
June 7: Calamity Janes vs Providence Killah Bees
with Feel it Robot
Sept 13: Port Authorities vs Montreal
Sept 27: Calamity Janes vs NH Skate Free or Die
Oct 11: Port Authorities vs PA Coal City Rollers
All bouts are at the Portland Expo on Saturday at 6 pm. Bouting music provided by wepushbuttons. Advance tickets cost $10. Tickets at the door are $12 for adults, $5 for kids aged 6-12 and free for kids 5 and under.
*The Calamity Janes will travel to New York to play the Hudson Valley Horrors (the team MRD played during the heat stroke bout of 2007) on June 28.
WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW
*We're all training our sweet butts off 2-3 times a week, gearing up for the a season against more challenging teams and preparing our Fresh Meat for the track.
* MRD is also working to give back to the community in the following ways.
1. Look for a booth with art at the bouts. This art work is for sale with all proceeds going to the Frannie Peabody Center.
2. Bring a donation (canned goods, personal care products, non-perishable foods) to the May 3 bout and receive $2 off the $12 bout ticket. These donations go to the Preble Street Food Pantry.
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