Our fans are screaming, raging maniacs - as they should be - so you probably don't hear when the refs yell "Let her go!"

Why would he say such a thing? Well, it's in the rules.

If you're a nerd like me, who reads the rules for fun - you can check out the current ruleset here - www.wftda.com. (The newest ruleset will be implemented this summer.)

Rule 4.3.2 states "When a blocker or pivot is positioned more than 20 feet outside the pack or out-of-bounds, she is out of play and subject to penalties."

This means if I, a known jammer chaser, sprints ahead with the jammer I must knock her down or booty block her before we are 20 feet away from the pack. When the two of us reach that 20 feet point, the refs yell "let her go!" as a warning for me to, well, let her go unchecked.

So when it looks like I'm going to lay some earth-shattering block on that jammer and I abruptly stop and allow her through, this is what's happening. It's certainly not because I've changed my mind - I always want to send that jammer flying off the track. Always.

If I decided to ignore this warning, I'll be awarded a major penalty, which means I'll go straight to the penalty for one minute. While this might seem like a good trade for forcing that pesky jammer to go through the pack again, it's not. Going to the penalty box shorts your team a blocker. They'll have one less blocker to help your jammer and stop the opposing jammer. Having two blockers in the box is a bad, bad situation for the team.

The words of Denis Lemieux in the film Slapshot sum up the situation nicely: "You do that, you go to the box... You feel shame. And then you get free." Who wants to end up like the Hanson Brothers, who spend most of the game in the box!?

Featured this week as a video blog on Newsweek was Boston Derby Dames and Gotham Girls Roller Derby. This is particularly huge for the roller derby community as we are working to bash those stereotypes of roller derby depicted as a staged, fake event. Flat-track roller derby is a SPORT, people! It's hard to be recognized as such because of it's history and it's quirkiness, but I assure you, my friend, Roller Derby is a sport.

This is such a big deal for roller derby. Most of our press coverage is teacher-by-day-hell-on-wheels-by-night type of crap. While it's exciting to play up injuries and "personas" (which, on our league, just doesn't exist), it does nothing for legitimizing the sport.

I've got Olympic dreams. I want to see roller derby on ESPN. Maybe it won't happen until years after I've retired, but I want to see it happen. Good grief, I love this sport.

The video blog is found at www.newsweek.com/. You've got to search on the right of the home page in the video blogs where you'll find the two-part series.

Each skater has a different perspective in the pack. Some skaters are terrified and praying to just make it through alive. Some feel like they're approaching a pack of wild boars. In the blog found at www.schnozzfest.com, a roller girl who plays for St. Louis posted an image from Braveheart to describe her feelings when she approached the pack. The Maine rollergirls were inspired and had a blast posting their perceptions of the pack as well.

What Killer Quick sees when approaching the pack

What Killer Quick sees outside of the pack

What Wrex Zilla sees when approaching the pack

When Maulie MacKillem approaches the pack, she sees

At the end of the road for Maulie is

When approaching the pack Fist City Kitty sees

At the end if the jam is this

When Terror Byte looks at the Mom Bomb + Punchy combo in front of her she sees a boring work meeting she wants no part of. Like this:

Miss Creant, on the other hand sees this when trying to get through the pack

Calling her home to the outside of the pack is

After realizing this move to the outside was a terrible mistake, she sees

And lastly, when Punchy turns around and looks at the pack from up front, she sees

And at the end of the road is

75 to 64. Who would have ever thought? We sure as hell didn't!

(top left to right: Miss Creant, Daisy Cutter, Patty O'Mean, Punchy O'Guts, Olive Spankins, Jones N; Bottom left to right: Lois Blow, The Mom Bomb, Killer Quick, Terror Byte, Jacked Rabbit, Breezey)

The Port Authorities won our first bout of the season against the Rhode Island Riveters, ranked 14 by Women's Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA). The most we were hoping for was to lose by no more than 50 points. Seriously, we thought we were going to get spanked.

After a 30-minute exhibition bout with the Boston Massacre last month, the Port Authorities took some hard-learned lessons and pulled the team together to victory. The Massacre creamed us. Hard. And we all walked away knowing exactly what we needed to work on.

We had one month to do it.

Let's back up a few months to when we first scheduled the bout. The majority of us were crapping our pants when we found out our first bout was against the Riveters. "The Riveters? Oh my god - they'll crush us!" was the sentiment. We were absolutely terrified.

But, after playing the Massacre, who were adept at the old divide-and-conquer maneuver, we smartened up learned how to play derby. Even after playing for over a year, many of us felt that we'd really just learned the game. Up until recently, our blockers were just knocking girls around and the jammers were just clawing through and hoping for the best.

We just realized that we have to get lead jammer in order to control the points. We have to strategically hit. And we need an actual strategy for playing the game. I'm not going to give away our strategy, of course, but we do have one. Finally.

Back to the Riveters... Although we were shaking in our skates months ago, come bout day, the team was zen. We've never been so calm and collected in the face of adversity. Maybe it's the home-town advantage, but the team was, for the very first time, a team. A unit.

Playing strategically as a team won us the game. Staying calm - even when the score was so close it was anybody's game - won us the game. After the first period, we were so proud of ourselves for "winning the period" that we didn't care what the outcome was. We personally won even if we lost.

Having a coach made a huge difference as well. We've never had someone challenging us and encouraging us, and it was HUGE! Coach Bomb is an integral asset to the team. When he came over to the Mom Bomb and I, after a particularly good jam, and said something like "that was awesome! I want to see more of that," I was elated, confident and driven to succeed again. I wanted to win for my team and my coach, not for myself.

We played our hardest and our best and were rewarded with our first win. The most shocking aspect of this is that never in the history of WFTDA has an unranked team (ie -us) ever won against such a highly ranked team (ie - the Riveters). Maine is on the map, my friends! And the derby community will be watching us closely. We don't plan to let them down.

photo by Matthew Robbins

Not only is this a glorious photo of Killer Quick going up against Craisy Dukes on the jammer line, but check out the crowd. We rolled 1055 deep!

It's happening.

Some of this:

And a little of this:

And definitely this:

Be there.

(photos by John Santerre)

The Portland Expo's maximum capacity for roller derby bouts is 2200. The most we've had so far was a little over 800 people at one time and we're expecting a few hundred more this season.
Here are some tips for the best experience:

THE BEER GARDEN
This is a gated area where those 21+ can purchase and drink beer. Cash only and bring your ID. I'm guessing between 250-300 people can fit in there. The best view of the game is standing along the gate or sitting at the top of the bleachers. You don't want to sit at the bottom row of the bleachers because a hundred people will be standing in front of you.

TRACKSIDE SEATING
You may sit on the floor around the track. There is a taped circle 10 feet outside of the track. You must stay behind this at all times. Sitting trackside is at your own risk. We suggest that anyone under 18 does NOT sit trackside.

BLEACHERS
There are two sets of bleachers on the left and right of the track. The set to the left have the team benches and scorekeepers in front. The skaters are required to sit when not skating as not to obstruct view from fans. There will be managers & coaches standing in the area, so they may block some view, but you also get the inside scoop on team strategy, line-ups and penalties. This side also has the penalty box. The right side isn't as exciting, but you will have a pretty good view of the game.

HANDICAPPED
There is a small area in front of the beer garden taped off for our handicapped fans.

MRD vs. Western Mass Destuction (Sept 07) at the Portland Expo
photo by John Santerre

TIPS FOR FANS
1. Bring Cash.
2. Hold onto your program if you want an autograph after the bout.
3. Doors open at 5 pm. Come early and save a seat. You won't be bored because the band plays until 6 pm.
4. Bring a camera - rollergirls are wicked photogenic and love to be photogaphed with their fans. Warning!! - should you get close you will inhale a pungent stank.
5. After the bout, party with the skaters at Rivalries. Rollergirls love to eat and drink about a big game. Both teams attend and celebrate together.