The Port Authorities take on the Stepford Sabotage in our last game of the season this Saturday (May 17). Much to our surprise, the PAs are undefeated - and we plan on keeping it that way. Connecticut's all-star team, the Sabotage, is rearing to beat us. They've been scouting our games and will be well-prepared for this bout.
But, I'm not worried. Sure they'll bring it and it will be a challenging bout. Well, at least I hope it'll be a challenging bout. According to the rankings on www.flattrackstats.com, CT has played the Rhode Island Riveters and Long Island Roller Rebels - BOTH teams we've played and destroyed this season.
The score between CT and Rhode Island was 47 to 107, Riveters winning.
To refresh your memory: MRD vs Riveters score was 75 to 64.
The score between CT and Long Island was 106 to 61, CT winning.
MRD vs Long Island was 208 to 22.
The stats for low participation leagues (that's us because we're new in the derby world) are as such.
Rank League Rating
1 Maine Roller Derby (9.29)
2 Connecticut RollerGirls (-20.73)
3 No Coast Derby Girls (-22.78)
4 Arch Rival Roller Girls (-22.89)
5 Tampa Bay (-33.42)
6 OC Roller Girls (-38.4)
7 Burning River Rollergirls (-47.98)
8 Green Country Rollergirls (-48.22)
9 Gem City Rollergirls (-55.06)
Unless, you're a numbers geek, it's difficult to understand how the ratings work. Clearly you can see a big difference between 9.29 and negative 20.73. If you want more, read how the algorithms work at www.flattrackstats.com.
In the meantime, I'm not too worried. However, Black Cherry, a star jammer looks pretty damn fast in this video.
This weekend's bout is same time, same place as usual: Portland Expo. Doors at 5 pm. Action at 6 pm.
Lady Kensington and the Beat Lords provide live music. Wepushbuttons DJs provide bout music. There will be kids games, beer garden, raffles, merch and more. Details and ticket sales at www.mainerollerderby.com.
The Calamity Janes, MRD's Junior Varsity team, is taking on Providence Killah Bees (PRD's JV team) on June 7 at the Expo. Yes, Providence is coming back to Maine after a shocking defeat on April 12 (Port Authorities vs. The Riveters). And they don't plan on going home without a victory.
Have no fear, my friends - the Janes are looking damn good! They've been training hard - scrimmaging against the Port Authorities - and developing their game. This bout will be a tooth-and-nailer you don't want to miss.
It's been just four short months since the Fresh Meat new recruit event, and our newest girls will be joining up with the Janes before you know it. One Fresh-meater, Jenni-Vicious, has already passed several assessments and try-outs to make the Calamity Janes team!
The others are kicking major tail on the track. It took the old meat months upon months - years for some - to get where these girls have excelled to. I assume they are so good because they have us old meat training them (We old-meaters had to teach ourselves everything we knew, which was based on, well, very little knowledge about the game.)
Look out for Sugarbush, Gunner Hands Off, Mary Jane Pain Train, Itsy Bitsy Fighter, The Zipper, Action Figure Amy, Pippi Headstomping, Frau Schlaggen, Cruella Intentions, Ruth of All Evil and Thunderbird. It's just a matter of time before these ladies will be burning it up on the track.
Final score 208 to 22. The scoreboard, showing 199 to 22, wasn't equipped to exhibit our victory over Long Island Roller Rebels.
I'm sure, as a member of the audience, the bout wasn't as exciting as the last against the Rhode Island Riveters, but there was quite a few good hits. I had at least 5 jammer take-downs, meaning I slammed myself into the jammer and she immediately connected with the floor, which is incredibly fun and gratifying.
Those Long Island girls and refs are a good time! Before I get to the after-party and the after-after-party, I must mention a few things.
1. Our sound was loads better. With the help of AV Technik you could actually hear when Diamond Dan, our fabulous announcer, emphatically yelled "What just happened?! Scuba was in the way! Scuba, what happened?"
2. The band, Edith Jones Project, was incredible. Never have I received so many comments about loving one of our bands. AND they wrote a song for us!
3. The ref crew was the best we've ever had. Psycho Billy, Mr. Rawk, Snarls-in-Charge, Fresh Eddie Fresh and Ian Fluenza joined our already stellar refs. A-Block wants Snarls to be her derby wife, but I might've scored him as my DBFF (derby best friend forever).
4. I must've signed 20-some autographs after the bout. I adore our fans!
5. MRD has never lost a full bout. I just realized this the other day. Holy crap!
6. There's another bout on May 17 against Connecticut! I can't frickin wait.
7. Glenn Jordan wrote one of the best articles written on MRD in this past Sunday's paper. He attended the April 12 bout and is writing about that, not May 3 at www.pressherald.com.
Back to the after-party. I personally didn't ride the mechanical bull due to Captain Mom Bomb's orders, but several of my teammates did. Daisy Cutter held her own for a good 30 seconds, and Lois Blow and Breezey both snuck onto that thing. MRD alumni, Pitts of Rage, actually stood on the bull as if she were surfing on a water buffalo.
And did you know the Stadium serves ginormous bottles of Miller Lite? As soon as I get some photos I'll post one.
After we'd had enough of the bull, we headed to Styxx in search of good dance music. We got no further than the door as they were charging the full cover at 12:30 am. Although we had twenty thirsty people, they refused to drop the cover to $2 a head. Off to Brian Boru...
After a quick drink and dance, we headed to the Clarion where the Long Island girls and refs were staying. I cannot indulge you with the libations that occurred, but let me say - I love those New Yorkers!
Nothin can stop me now, cause I don't care anymore.
That's what Trent Reznor is singing to me as I prepare for tonight's bout. I didn't specifically choose that song. It just so happens to be playing in the NIN mix. It seems slightly appropriate as, yes, nothing can stop me now. But I do care, for the most part.
I don't get all psyched out before bouts. I try to stay in a blissful zone when I'm cleaning and rotating my wheels, wiping off the smudges on my rec specs and loading up my gear bag.
I love bouting so much that I just get excited to play roller derby with another league. I don't care a lot about winning - well, maybe a little. I just get excited to play with my team. When we train, we play against the same rotation of girls every week. Because of this, we know exactly who we can outskate, who we can knock down easiest and all of the jammer's tricks.
Playing a different league is absolutely thrilling to me. I don't know any of their tricks or strategy or anything! Part of the thrill is trying to figure these things out on the track - while still doing my job.
Tonight, we're playing Long Island Roller Rebels with substituted skaters from the Hudson Valley Horrors. I do know a couple girls because last season we played the Hudson Valley Horrors (who subsituted a couple Long Island girls). I know that Captain Morgan (pictured below) will knock the sh*% out of anyone in her way. I know that Pinky Swears was a pretty good jammer. The rest of the girls are a mystery to me.
Donate non-perishable items or personal care products at tomorrow's bout (May 3) and receive $2 off the adult ticket price. All donations go to Preble Street Resource Center, a non-profit organization that "provides accessible barrier-free services to empower people experiencing problems with homelessness, housing, hunger and poverty, and to advocate for solutions to these problems." Learn more at www.preblestreet.org
On May 17, donate a handbag and receive $2 off adult tickets. Donations go to Dress For Success. "The mission of Dress for Success is to promote the economic independence of disadvantaged women by providing professional attire, a network of support and the career development tools to help women thrive in work and in life." Learn more about the organization at www.dressforsuccess.org.
Maine Roller Derby is committed to giving back to the community! Help MRD give back by donating at our bouts.
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