Whip it Good!

Defeat: Nutritious, But Not Delicious

Ah, defeat. You are not a delicious treat, but you are nutritious.

In competitive sports you want the win, period. There's no point in competing if you don't. But it is a competition, meaning that you have to work to get that win, and sometimes your best work is not enough. Enter the Port Authorities. 2008 brought us nearly flawless glory. We were undefeated in regulation play, and our record was blemished only by a loss to the Boston Massacre in a 30-minute exposition bout at Boston early in the year. Though our wins were sweet and were against teams that looked like excellent matches for us on paper, we decided 2009 was the year to test our limits. Go for the guts and the glory, play some of the toughest teams we could find in the region and likely take our lumps in the form of losses, but learn a lot in the process. Some of the best lessons come from losing and learning what you need to change to stop that losing.

And oh, how we have learned. The Port Authorities have played three of our five spring games, and are 0 - 3. Oof. Ok, yes, we expected at least part of that. Our opener against the Boston Massacre (5th in the East) in Boston, this time a full-length bout, was painful. I'm talking 128 - 24 kind of painful - a bit more of a rout than we had hoped for, but we came out smiling, licking our wounds and with our eyes wide and some plans to put in motion for our next challenge, that being the Charm City All Stars (3rd in the East) of Baltimore, MD. They were our home season opener and we were carefully optimistic that, while victory was unlikely considering the caliber of play this team has been putting out there, we could at least come up with a smaller point spread by putting into effect what we had learned from the Boston game two weeks prior and honing what we had been working on all this year. Turns out not so much - Charm City handed us another loss by exactly the same margin of 104 points (52 - 156). Hey, at least we're consistent? And we did score more points than the previous game. There's always something positive in there.

Once again, our team of warriors came out frazzled, perhaps a little flummoxed, but ready to focus on the next challenge. Ready to go into the most contested game of the season for us; a rematch against the Rhode Island Riveters. After earning a surprising upset win against the Riveters (75 - 64) in April 2008 when we were an unranked new team, both teams were extremely revved up for the rematch in Providence. This was our game to come back, to feel the glory of a win once again. The first period started out looking good and we had the lead and felt strong and cohesive. Then the tide started turning a little and the Riveters put down some big jams and we were feeling the heat, but still right in there. But things started getting shaky when just halfway into the first period one of our three jammers, Olive Spankins, took a hard hit that left her injured and unable to play for the rest of the night. A mere couple of jams later blocker Lois Blow went down with a visibly broken finger at the same time Itsy Bitsy Fighter took a scary fall and stayed down on the concrete. At this point Olive appeared out for the game, EMT's were surrounding Fighter, and several people on the bench were screaming for EMT's to come help Lois. We'd never lost a skater during a bout and now we were suddenly down two major players, maybe three, and it felt like pure, horrifying chaos had descended upon our bench. Lois was out for the game but Fighter was able to recover and continue, but we had to do some major adjusting, and fast. Despite being rattled we kept our heads in there and finished the period behind by 15 points, a spread which was easily surmountable if rather uncomfortable. Half time was spent focusing on filling in the gaps in our defense and getting our heads ready for a hard second period with new lineups. Despite our team being served heavy penalties and frequently fielding lineups short of one, two and even three blockers, we managed to stay within distant-but-conceivable striking distance for most of the second half. The teams traded a number of winning jams back and forth, but as the minutes ran off the period clock the Riveters put up several big jams in the double digits, and the lead became out of reach. The final score was 110 - 59.

So here we are, at 0 - 3. It's an interesting place. It doesn't feel sweet or pretty, but it also doesn't feel as bad as i might've thought. For one thing, it helps put things in a little bit of perspective. Oh, you just lost three games in a row? Well, winning truly isn't everything, and our next win is going to feel especially nice after all this. It's also motivating and clarifying. Our team has mad skills and plenty of heart, but the more we play the more the areas for improvement and growth stand out. Fortunately the Calamity Janes are kicking tail all over the place with a 3 - 0 record for the spring, and they definitely brought the nail-biter excitment in their last win against Jersey Shore, so Maine Roller Derby fans have still had the pleasure of seeing their local rollergirls skate some victory laps.

This Saturday, May 23rd, it's time for the Port Authorities to crack that losing streak. We're ready to do it, and we think you're ready to come watch us do it. We're at the Portland Expo at 6 pm (doors at 5 pm) as usual, with a halftime dj showcase by wepushbuttons and 5% of doors sales to benefit STRIVE U.

Roller Derby is Coming

It's finally that time again. That's right, bout season approaches. The time of year when my life is more than just mostly dominated by roller derby, it's entirely subsumed by eat, sleep, work, practice, cross-train, promote, blog, Twitter, press release, invite, plan, flier, design…and on, not necessarily in that order. We're bringing people more derby than ever before this year, with five, yes five home games this spring, and we hope at least three more home games in the fall as well. The series at the Portland Expo kicks off on Sunday, March 22nd with the Port Authorities facing off against the Charm City All-Stars, who are currently ranked 4th in the Women's Flat Track Derby Association's (WFTDA) Eastern Region. After that you get two bouts with those renegade sweethearts the Calamity Janes, who will be taking on teams from Ohio and New Jersey and showing them how we roll up here in northern New England. Then the season rounds out with two more Port Authorities match-ups against un-ranked and new WFTDA members the Dutchland Derby Rollers, and 2nd-in-the-East (3rd nationally - yowza!) Philly Liberty Belles. Stay tuned here for more details on all the teams we're bringing to the Expo this year, and as always go to mainerollerderby.com for tickets.

The season has actually arrived for the Port Authorities, because we're taking on the Boston Massacre this Saturday, February 28th. It's an away bout, so we'll be skating at Boston's fantastic venue in Wilmington, MA - the Shriner's Auditorium. It's a stellar place to both watch and play derby, and the on-site afterparty in the Fez Room beats any afterparty we've attended yet. The digital photobooth there can attest to that!

The Boston league is kind of like our big sisters. They've fostered the growth of our league since day one with advice, support, scrimmages, an exhibition bout last year, and now by inviting us to play them in their season opener and our first ever WFTDA-sanctioned all-star game against the Massacre. Did I mention the Massacre are currently third in the Eastern Region? Yeeeaaa, they are. The Port Authorities are 5th in the East right now, but keep in mind we are 27th nationally - nothing to sneeze at by any means, but the Massacre, a much more experienced team who missed making it to the WFTDA National tournament by a mere two points, is ranked 10th nationally. Suffice it to say this game is going to be tough, and we're ready for it. We have trained and focused on teamwork and smart play on the track. We know we have a hard game ahead of us, and we know we will skate our hardest for every second, have a blast doing it, and come out stronger than we went in. If there's one thing Maine is known for, it's that we take both our losses and our successes in stride and turn them quickly into a better game on the track. Whatever happens this Saturday, we will be grinning at the afterparty and all the way home.

Poke this for Boston's preview of the big game, and this for tickets (it's only 75 minutes from Portland, and well worth the trip).

Five Days and Counting, and So Begins My Private Battle

Maine's all-star team, the Port Authorities, have a bout on Saturday of this weekend. I play for the Authorities, so this is game week for me. Bouts are the sweet whipped-cream-and-cherry on top of the giant roller derby sundaes that are filled with training and league-work and meetings and events and suffering through minor injuries and more training. Finally, we get to get out there and play a game in front of a crowd! It's so gratifying…and nerve-wracking. Everyone deals with game week differently, and everyone suffers from varying levels of nervousness, from zero to nearly full-blown mental meltdown. Me? Historically I fall on the near-meltdown end of that spectrum. But this season, I am absolutely determined to change that.

I don't want to be one of the ones who struggles with nerves, but I accept that I am and always have been. For every game up to this point, the scales have been as such:

Two to three weeks before game day: Immersed in Public Relations and Media-related work for the league, as well as general league work. Nerves at acceptable low-level background static.

Week of game: Nothing other than derby in my mind, not for one minute of the day or night. What will the other team be like? Will they kill us? So much work to do, did I remember to send that email? Should I have gotten new bearings this week? Will I let my team down? What's that noise? Oh no it's 3 in the morning, why can't I sleep? Surely I will fail without sleep. Nerves at constant, somewhat uncomfortable mosquito-buzzing-in-ear pitch.

Night before game: It's happening tomorrow oh my gaaaawwd I may implode. How will I sleep? I must get sleep. I must eat carbs. Lots of carbs, more carbs than usual. Carbs will save me. Something will save me. I can't take the waiting, waiting is the hardest part. Is it tomorrow yet? Nerves at near-audible level, like they're screaming in my ear. Stomach flip-flops at least once every hour.

Game day: After a morning of fever-pitched checking of gear, forced eating, hyper-hydration, and generally fruitless attempts at distraction, nerves are winning the battle. Arrive at Expo hours before game time to help prepare. Time drags more slowly than ever seemed possible. Fans start arriving. Elation and fear increase. Suddenly we're behind the curtain and waiting through the referees' introductions, then the other team's introductions. Would literally climb walls if wheels were not attached to feet. Laughing hysterically at slightest provocation. Convinced other team's friendly and fun personae is a clever ruse and I actually WILL die, if not by implosion then by gruesome murder by opposing team who is clearly carrying concealed axes and knives which they will use when I take to the track. Death is imminent. Totally unclear why I ever thought this was a good idea.

Aaaand…scene. I believe some small amount of performance anxiety is good for most people, because if you're going into an athletic competition thinking you've got it in the bag you will undoubtedly fail. Yet one doesn't want the joy of playing to be overwhelmed by anxiety either. Fortunately, the second the whistle blows on the first jam I play my nerves are 99% demolished by pure adrenaline and excitement. It's really hard to have room for anxiety when you're trying to avoid being tossed through the air by an opposing blocker.

But like I said, this year will be different. Already the weeks leading up to now have been more calm, mostly due to the fact that we're becoming old hands at this bout production business. I've also bouted enough times that I'm beginning to get into the rhythm of the dreaded waiting-for-the-first-whistle-to-blow moments.

It also helps that this last Sunday some of my teammates and I traveled to South Boston to scrimmage the Boston Massacre (Boston Derby Dames' phenomenal all-star team, 14th-ranked nationally) as part of a mixed-team of skaters from several New England leagues. There's nothing like getting your butt wrapped up and handed to you in a neat little package by a bunch of really nice skaters to remind you that you won't actually die at the hands of the opposing team, that derby is fun, and that no matter what happens in a game you will learn so much and be that much better next time you skate. Plus, after spending an entire scrimmage skating against the likes of some of my personal derby heroes such as Lois Carmen Dominator, Claire D. Way, and Anna WrecksYa, pretty much nothing can scare me now. I'm ready to relax and savor the moment this Saturday. Bring on the axes, I can take it!

Don't forget, you can watch the Port Authorities take on Montreal's New Skidz on the Block this Saturday, September, 13th, at 6 pm at the Portland Expo. Doors open and the Pubcrawlers start playing at 5 pm. Ticket information and more details at mainerollerderby.com.

Here come the Janes!

Tomorrow is the debut of MRD's Calamity Janes! The entire league is thrilled to see these ladies roll out and take on Providence's Killah Bees! With the exception of a few skaters, this bout will be the first for most of the Janes. And that's a big deal.

It's one thing to scrimmage twice a week against your teammates. It's a whole other can of worms to play derby against girls you've never played and in front of a thousand people including your co-workers, your family, your friends and those people you barely know, but managed to persuade to buy a ticket.

You get scared that you'll fall during the intro, or screw up and forget to look around, communicate, hit hard and strategically, look at the coach. And you might just do all these things, but that's part of learning the game and gaining experience.

Some girls get so nervous they puke and poop all day. Some shake on the starting line. Some cry. Some totally crack under pressure. And some shine in the eyes of the crowd.

I've been training with Janes for months (years with some) and it's a real honor to watch them bout for the first time. You might recognize some of the girls from the Fall season (A-Block, Chantel, Trouble & Stife) all who are familiar with bouting, and some brand new faces (Jenni Vicious and Itsy Bitsy Fighter just joined us in January). I have so much confidence in these women. They've trained their faces off and are ready to show you what their made of.

Just look at this motley crew.

Fist City Kitty leans out the Boston B Party jammer.

Roxxy Retribution won't let that jammer get by.

A-Block and Chantel on the line (against Pitts of Rage, MRD alumni and presently a skater for BDD)

The bout is tomorrow - June 7. Doors at 5 pm, action at 6 pm. Live music by Feel it Robot and wepushbuttons. There will be kid's games, raffle, beer garden and more. Cash only. Donate a non-perishable item at the door and receive $2 off the adult ticket. Donations go to Preble Street Resource Center.

More details at www.mainerollerderby.com. Befriend the Calamity Janes on myspace at www.myspace.com/thecalamityjanes

My three seconds of fame

Blockers get very little glory. I'm not complaining - it's just a fact. People watch jammers. They cheer for them. Usually it's the jammer who receives Most Valuable Player.

If I wanted to be a superstar, I would've trained to be a jammer. I prefer blocking because I like the complexity of playing offense and defense simultaneously (what other sport involves that, huh?), working with my teammates, and, well, knocking the crap out of blockers and jammers.

While a big hit will cause the crowd to collectively "ooh!" or "whoa!", it's not quite the same as the deserved out-of-your-seat cheering that occurs when our jammers break the pack.

Half the time I don't realize I've done something particularly awesome until I hear it from the crowd. I know when I've laid a good block, but I don't realize she's on the floor until the crowd tells me.

Which brings me to this moment of fame. Well, no one would ever call it that, but it is to me. During our bout against Long Island (see Another Win for MRD!), I managed to take out the jammer, a blocker and the pivot in one hit. Typically, I don't celebrate myself like this, but I'm really proud of it - AND it was photographed by Veselin Cuparic.

I will probably look at this photo with beaming pride with I'm 90 years old. And I'll show it to my great-great-grandchildren, telling them stories of how I was a roller derby queen. And they will tell me to stop repeating myself and die already.

Check out this video. There's footage from the Riveter bout, followed by the Long Island bout. You'll see my moment of fame occur at the 3 min mark.

Some other photos by Veselin Cuparic:

Uh, where is my team?

My amazing, incredible, beautiful partner on the track - The Mom Bomb

Between periods we talk strategy.

Three of my biggest fans!

MRunDeafeated!

That's right, my friends. We won again! And boy howdy was that a sweet victory over Connecticut. 87 to 39!

Let me first say that bout was difficult. I was absolutely shocked every time I looked at the score board and saw we were ahead. Every jam felt like we were getting destroyed. There were very few jams I skated off the track feeling confident.

So, how did we win? Overall, CT seemed like a defensive team. While they were hitting the crap out of blockers and our jammer, they left their jammer out to dry. The didn't help her score points and when the jammer did get lead she'd call it off before scoring anything, just to keep us from scoring.

Clearly, that strategy didn't work, BUT it did make it tough for me and the Mom Bomb to work our magic at the front of the pack. However, we are adaptive ladies and managed keep the opposing jammer from scoring our points during many jams.

The lovely Olive Spankins racked up 41 points, that's 47% of all points for the night!

And MVP for the second time - Killer Quick!

The crowd, as usual, was awesome! I can't express my love for our fans. They hoot and holler every time our jammer breaks the pack. And big hits always get a loud "Ohhhh!" And the kids - oh man! They are adorable! They all danced while the band played. One little boy was running around with his hands on his hips and baseball sliding (that's a slide on your side) into corner four! He must've done it like 5 times.

And the kiddies all came up for group pictures and autographs after the bout. It's such an honor to see their happy faces. I get all choked up in a we-are-the-world-we-are-the-children sort of way. Just look at them:

And the after-party... well that one needs a separate blog to do it justice. Plus I'm waiting for the pictures and videos. It's quite epic and involves a Sit & Spin, major awards and, well, you'll see...

MRD vs Connecticut

The Port Authorities take on the Stepford Sabotage in our last game of the season this Saturday (May 17). Much to our surprise, the PAs are undefeated - and we plan on keeping it that way. Connecticut's all-star team, the Sabotage, is rearing to beat us. They've been scouting our games and will be well-prepared for this bout.

But, I'm not worried. Sure they'll bring it and it will be a challenging bout. Well, at least I hope it'll be a challenging bout. According to the rankings on www.flattrackstats.com, CT has played the Rhode Island Riveters and Long Island Roller Rebels - BOTH teams we've played and destroyed this season.

The score between CT and Rhode Island was 47 to 107, Riveters winning.
To refresh your memory: MRD vs Riveters score was 75 to 64.

The score between CT and Long Island was 106 to 61, CT winning.
MRD vs Long Island was 208 to 22.

The stats for low participation leagues (that's us because we're new in the derby world) are as such.

Rank League Rating
1 Maine Roller Derby (9.29)
2 Connecticut RollerGirls (-20.73)
3 No Coast Derby Girls (-22.78)
4 Arch Rival Roller Girls (-22.89)
5 Tampa Bay (-33.42)
6 OC Roller Girls (-38.4)
7 Burning River Rollergirls (-47.98)
8 Green Country Rollergirls (-48.22)
9 Gem City Rollergirls (-55.06)

Unless, you're a numbers geek, it's difficult to understand how the ratings work. Clearly you can see a big difference between 9.29 and negative 20.73. If you want more, read how the algorithms work at www.flattrackstats.com.

In the meantime, I'm not too worried. However, Black Cherry, a star jammer looks pretty damn fast in this video.

Stalk the Connecticut league at www.ctrollerderby.com and myspace.com/stepfordsabotage.

This weekend's bout is same time, same place as usual: Portland Expo. Doors at 5 pm. Action at 6 pm.

Lady Kensington and the Beat Lords provide live music. Wepushbuttons DJs provide bout music. There will be kids games, beer garden, raffles, merch and more. Details and ticket sales at www.mainerollerderby.com.

Another win for MRD!

Final score 208 to 22. The scoreboard, showing 199 to 22, wasn't equipped to exhibit our victory over Long Island Roller Rebels.

I'm sure, as a member of the audience, the bout wasn't as exciting as the last against the Rhode Island Riveters, but there was quite a few good hits. I had at least 5 jammer take-downs, meaning I slammed myself into the jammer and she immediately connected with the floor, which is incredibly fun and gratifying.

Those Long Island girls and refs are a good time! Before I get to the after-party and the after-after-party, I must mention a few things.

1. Our sound was loads better. With the help of AV Technik you could actually hear when Diamond Dan, our fabulous announcer, emphatically yelled "What just happened?! Scuba was in the way! Scuba, what happened?"
2. The band, Edith Jones Project, was incredible. Never have I received so many comments about loving one of our bands. AND they wrote a song for us!
3. The ref crew was the best we've ever had. Psycho Billy, Mr. Rawk, Snarls-in-Charge, Fresh Eddie Fresh and Ian Fluenza joined our already stellar refs. A-Block wants Snarls to be her derby wife, but I might've scored him as my DBFF (derby best friend forever).
4. I must've signed 20-some autographs after the bout. I adore our fans!
5. MRD has never lost a full bout. I just realized this the other day. Holy crap!
6. There's another bout on May 17 against Connecticut! I can't frickin wait.
7. Glenn Jordan wrote one of the best articles written on MRD in this past Sunday's paper. He attended the April 12 bout and is writing about that, not May 3 at www.pressherald.com.

Back to the after-party. I personally didn't ride the mechanical bull due to Captain Mom Bomb's orders, but several of my teammates did. Daisy Cutter held her own for a good 30 seconds, and Lois Blow and Breezey both snuck onto that thing. MRD alumni, Pitts of Rage, actually stood on the bull as if she were surfing on a water buffalo.
And did you know the Stadium serves ginormous bottles of Miller Lite? As soon as I get some photos I'll post one.

After we'd had enough of the bull, we headed to Styxx in search of good dance music. We got no further than the door as they were charging the full cover at 12:30 am. Although we had twenty thirsty people, they refused to drop the cover to $2 a head. Off to Brian Boru...
After a quick drink and dance, we headed to the Clarion where the Long Island girls and refs were staying. I cannot indulge you with the libations that occurred, but let me say - I love those New Yorkers!

Nothin can stop me now, cause I don't care anymore.

That's what Trent Reznor is singing to me as I prepare for tonight's bout. I didn't specifically choose that song. It just so happens to be playing in the NIN mix. It seems slightly appropriate as, yes, nothing can stop me now. But I do care, for the most part.

I don't get all psyched out before bouts. I try to stay in a blissful zone when I'm cleaning and rotating my wheels, wiping off the smudges on my rec specs and loading up my gear bag.

I love bouting so much that I just get excited to play roller derby with another league. I don't care a lot about winning - well, maybe a little. I just get excited to play with my team. When we train, we play against the same rotation of girls every week. Because of this, we know exactly who we can outskate, who we can knock down easiest and all of the jammer's tricks.

Playing a different league is absolutely thrilling to me. I don't know any of their tricks or strategy or anything! Part of the thrill is trying to figure these things out on the track - while still doing my job.

Tonight, we're playing Long Island Roller Rebels with substituted skaters from the Hudson Valley Horrors. I do know a couple girls because last season we played the Hudson Valley Horrors (who subsituted a couple Long Island girls). I know that Captain Morgan (pictured below) will knock the sh*% out of anyone in her way. I know that Pinky Swears was a pretty good jammer. The rest of the girls are a mystery to me.

You can read more about the league at www.longislandrollerrebels.com.

I've got to get back to my preparations for tonight. Where's that bottle of Jameson??

Why'd you let the Jammer go?!

Our fans are screaming, raging maniacs - as they should be - so you probably don't hear when the refs yell "Let her go!"

Why would he say such a thing? Well, it's in the rules.

If you're a nerd like me, who reads the rules for fun - you can check out the current ruleset here - www.wftda.com. (The newest ruleset will be implemented this summer.)

Rule 4.3.2 states "When a blocker or pivot is positioned more than 20 feet outside the pack or out-of-bounds, she is out of play and subject to penalties."

This means if I, a known jammer chaser, sprints ahead with the jammer I must knock her down or booty block her before we are 20 feet away from the pack. When the two of us reach that 20 feet point, the refs yell "let her go!" as a warning for me to, well, let her go unchecked.

So when it looks like I'm going to lay some earth-shattering block on that jammer and I abruptly stop and allow her through, this is what's happening. It's certainly not because I've changed my mind - I always want to send that jammer flying off the track. Always.

If I decided to ignore this warning, I'll be awarded a major penalty, which means I'll go straight to the penalty for one minute. While this might seem like a good trade for forcing that pesky jammer to go through the pack again, it's not. Going to the penalty box shorts your team a blocker. They'll have one less blocker to help your jammer and stop the opposing jammer. Having two blockers in the box is a bad, bad situation for the team.

The words of Denis Lemieux in the film Slapshot sum up the situation nicely: "You do that, you go to the box... You feel shame. And then you get free." Who wants to end up like the Hanson Brothers, who spend most of the game in the box!?

Perspectives from the Pack

Each skater has a different perspective in the pack. Some skaters are terrified and praying to just make it through alive. Some feel like they're approaching a pack of wild boars. In the blog found at www.schnozzfest.com, a roller girl who plays for St. Louis posted an image from Braveheart to describe her feelings when she approached the pack. The Maine rollergirls were inspired and had a blast posting their perceptions of the pack as well.

What Killer Quick sees when approaching the pack

What Killer Quick sees outside of the pack

What Wrex Zilla sees when approaching the pack

When Maulie MacKillem approaches the pack, she sees

At the end of the road for Maulie is

When approaching the pack Fist City Kitty sees

At the end if the jam is this

When Terror Byte looks at the Mom Bomb + Punchy combo in front of her she sees a boring work meeting she wants no part of. Like this:

Miss Creant, on the other hand sees this when trying to get through the pack

Calling her home to the outside of the pack is

After realizing this move to the outside was a terrible mistake, she sees

And lastly, when Punchy turns around and looks at the pack from up front, she sees

And at the end of the road is

the greatest night of my life

75 to 64. Who would have ever thought? We sure as hell didn't!

(top left to right: Miss Creant, Daisy Cutter, Patty O'Mean, Punchy O'Guts, Olive Spankins, Jones N; Bottom left to right: Lois Blow, The Mom Bomb, Killer Quick, Terror Byte, Jacked Rabbit, Breezey)

The Port Authorities won our first bout of the season against the Rhode Island Riveters, ranked 14 by Women's Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA). The most we were hoping for was to lose by no more than 50 points. Seriously, we thought we were going to get spanked.

After a 30-minute exhibition bout with the Boston Massacre last month, the Port Authorities took some hard-learned lessons and pulled the team together to victory. The Massacre creamed us. Hard. And we all walked away knowing exactly what we needed to work on.

We had one month to do it.

Let's back up a few months to when we first scheduled the bout. The majority of us were crapping our pants when we found out our first bout was against the Riveters. "The Riveters? Oh my god - they'll crush us!" was the sentiment. We were absolutely terrified.

But, after playing the Massacre, who were adept at the old divide-and-conquer maneuver, we smartened up learned how to play derby. Even after playing for over a year, many of us felt that we'd really just learned the game. Up until recently, our blockers were just knocking girls around and the jammers were just clawing through and hoping for the best.

We just realized that we have to get lead jammer in order to control the points. We have to strategically hit. And we need an actual strategy for playing the game. I'm not going to give away our strategy, of course, but we do have one. Finally.

Back to the Riveters... Although we were shaking in our skates months ago, come bout day, the team was zen. We've never been so calm and collected in the face of adversity. Maybe it's the home-town advantage, but the team was, for the very first time, a team. A unit.

Playing strategically as a team won us the game. Staying calm - even when the score was so close it was anybody's game - won us the game. After the first period, we were so proud of ourselves for "winning the period" that we didn't care what the outcome was. We personally won even if we lost.

Having a coach made a huge difference as well. We've never had someone challenging us and encouraging us, and it was HUGE! Coach Bomb is an integral asset to the team. When he came over to the Mom Bomb and I, after a particularly good jam, and said something like "that was awesome! I want to see more of that," I was elated, confident and driven to succeed again. I wanted to win for my team and my coach, not for myself.

We played our hardest and our best and were rewarded with our first win. The most shocking aspect of this is that never in the history of WFTDA has an unranked team (ie -us) ever won against such a highly ranked team (ie - the Riveters). Maine is on the map, my friends! And the derby community will be watching us closely. We don't plan to let them down.

photo by Matthew Robbins

Not only is this a glorious photo of Killer Quick going up against Craisy Dukes on the jammer line, but check out the crowd. We rolled 1055 deep!

THIS FRICKIN SATURDAY!

It's happening.

Some of this:

And a little of this:

And definitely this:

Be there.

(photos by John Santerre)

Video Blog!

Roger McCord, a blogger on MaineToday, put together a fantastic videoblog of our last bout with Pioneer Valley. Check it out at http://www.mainetoday.com/rogermccord/016800.html.

Olive Spankins does a lovely helicopter spin on the floor as she calls off the jam!

Don't miss our last bout tomorrown (Oct 6) at the Expo. Join the other 700+ screaming fans and experience roller derby Maine-style.

OUR FIRST SEASON!

Have you been yet? Good grief! Our first two bouts were incredible! Both were attended by over 700 people. And both were victories for Maine Roller Derby. Come and see our next bout October 6.
Door are at 5 pm at the Portland Expo. Live action starts at 6 pm.

Don't miss it! This is the last bout of the season!

Go to www.mainerollerderby.com to get tickets.

See you there!

The First Derby Season

This Saturday (Sept 8) is Maine Roller Derby's first bout of the first season. I am so excited I might piddle. The league has worked so hard to make this happen. Hell, it took us a year just to get the Portland Expo to secure us a date. I could drone on paragraph after paragraph about the hours of training, the sleepless nights, the meetings, the emails, the begging, but no one outside of rollergirls wants to hear about it. You all want action, action, action!

We're going to give it to you this Saturday (and Sept 22 and Oct 6). We're gonna give it to you hard.

At the bout you can expect live music, beer, raging lunatic fans, kid fans, quiet fans, freaks, and FULL-CONTACT ROLLER DERBY!

Personally, I am going to be out of control. I know this because I put together the soundtrack we skate to and there are far too many fast, angry songs on it. How can you not slam into a woman when you hear Master of Puppets?

I am probably one of the cleanest skaters on the league - meaning I rarely get penalties. This Saturday I am out for blood. And I'm taking everyone down with me.

Everyone has to see this. Make a sign for me. Make a sign for MRD. Just come and cheer! It'll be the best thing you ever saw.

Fall Season is happening!

We have been confirmed that our official first season will be this fall at the Portland Expo. Dates include Sept 8, Sept 22, and Oct 6. Information about ticket sales, season passes, and bouting teams will be available within the next couple months. Bouts are family friendly, and we invite all ages to attend; however, we do rate ourselves somewhere around PG-13.

We are in the process of creating at least two permanent teams (Nautical Knockouts and Port Authorities were only temporary teams for our last bout). This has been difficult for our league, due to such small numbers, but we are hoping to have enough girls ready to bout for the Fall. If we do not, we will invite other leagues to esemble an all-star team to bout against our all-star team.

I'm hoping for both a bout of our own teams and a couple bouts with other leagues. It's terribly exciting to play another league.
I just can't wait to get out there and show you all how awesome roller derby is!

In addition to skating in bouts, I am the head of Bout Production, which means I must plan and manage all bouts. It's a big job, but most of the league pitches in. Currently, we are looking for EMTs, statisticians, and other support staff. We are also taking submissions of music from anyone interested in becoming our official DJ for bouts and after parties. If interested, contact me at punchyoguts@mainerollerderby.com.

MRD vs. PVRD

Maine Roller Derby bouted Pioneer Valley Roller Derby twice (which I skated in both): once at Topsham Roller World (1/14/07) and again in Amherst, Mass (2/24/07). We were victorious in both bouts. Here's what we wrote on our myspace site about the January bout:

"The fierce women of Maine Roller Derby (MRD), Maine's first and only women's flat track roller derby league, defeated western Massachusetts' Pioneer Valley Roller Derby (PV) league in their first public scrimmage. This was MRD's second public showing of this hot new incarnation of the sport of roller derby to Maine.
The event took place at Roller World in Topsham, Maine, on January 14, 2007, and was full of nail-biting excitement as MRD and PV battled point-for-point to end the first period in a tied scored of 25 to 25. It looked to be a tough match. As the second period started, however, it was clear that, while PV had a lot of very hard hitters, MRD's speed and endurance could not be beat and they soon widened the gap. While all of MRD's jammers and blockers played very well, exceptional jamming by MRD's three top scorers, Vexacious D (31 points), Breezey (25 points), and Killer Quick (21 points), helped keep MRD ahead of the game during the second and third periods. Noteworthy blocking by Punchy O'Guts and The Mom Bomb, aided by some especially hard hits from Patty O'Mean and Goldie Headlocks, helped to clear the track of PV blockers and get their jammers through.
PV braved the long drive through inclement weather, bringing most of the players from not only their women's team, but their men's team as well. The men of PV showed great support for the women's team, shouting encouragement during the entire match. PV's most effective jammers, Piss N' Mona, Andy Nihilate and Beast Infection, gave MRD's jammers a run for their money on several occasions. And, while PV proved to be extremely hard-hitting on the whole, MRD took some particularly hard hits from Andy Nihilate, Beast Infection, Juggernaut Bitch, Pixie Scabs and Pink Panzer."

This bout was quite a thrill. Pioneer Valley's skaters are huge. With the exception of teeny, weeny Piss N' Mona, I think they're all over six feet tall. I thought they were going to cream us for sure, but after the first period I stopped looking at the score and just played the game. We had quite a lead and there was no reason to worry. Our endurance definitely won us the game as we wore Pioneer Valley down. They looked so tired during jams I actually felt bad about knocking them to the floor. Well, not bad enough to stop.

The second bout against Pioneer Valley was on their turf in Massachusetts. Because our win against them was so large, I assumed they were going to train extremely hard and knock the crap out of us. They did knock us around, but not enough to secure a win. The most horrifying part of this bout was the surface we skated on. It was like skating on sand. During warm-ups I was out of breath and worn down just trying to get around the track a few times.
I would have refused to skate if it hadn't been Pioneer Valley's debut bout. They were counting on this to make money and a name for their league. Although we compete against one another, there is a unification between derby sisters. We all struggle to operate our leagues and depend on other leagues when things are tough. So MRD sucked it up and took one for the team.
Now that we've won both bouts with Pioneer Valley's women's team. I'm secretly hoping to bout the men's team. Punchy can take 'em all!