Whip it Good!

Another win for MRD!

Final score 208 to 22. The scoreboard, showing 199 to 22, wasn't equipped to exhibit our victory over Long Island Roller Rebels.

I'm sure, as a member of the audience, the bout wasn't as exciting as the last against the Rhode Island Riveters, but there was quite a few good hits. I had at least 5 jammer take-downs, meaning I slammed myself into the jammer and she immediately connected with the floor, which is incredibly fun and gratifying.

Those Long Island girls and refs are a good time! Before I get to the after-party and the after-after-party, I must mention a few things.

1. Our sound was loads better. With the help of AV Technik you could actually hear when Diamond Dan, our fabulous announcer, emphatically yelled "What just happened?! Scuba was in the way! Scuba, what happened?"
2. The band, Edith Jones Project, was incredible. Never have I received so many comments about loving one of our bands. AND they wrote a song for us!
3. The ref crew was the best we've ever had. Psycho Billy, Mr. Rawk, Snarls-in-Charge, Fresh Eddie Fresh and Ian Fluenza joined our already stellar refs. A-Block wants Snarls to be her derby wife, but I might've scored him as my DBFF (derby best friend forever).
4. I must've signed 20-some autographs after the bout. I adore our fans!
5. MRD has never lost a full bout. I just realized this the other day. Holy crap!
6. There's another bout on May 17 against Connecticut! I can't frickin wait.
7. Glenn Jordan wrote one of the best articles written on MRD in this past Sunday's paper. He attended the April 12 bout and is writing about that, not May 3 at www.pressherald.com.

Back to the after-party. I personally didn't ride the mechanical bull due to Captain Mom Bomb's orders, but several of my teammates did. Daisy Cutter held her own for a good 30 seconds, and Lois Blow and Breezey both snuck onto that thing. MRD alumni, Pitts of Rage, actually stood on the bull as if she were surfing on a water buffalo.
And did you know the Stadium serves ginormous bottles of Miller Lite? As soon as I get some photos I'll post one.

After we'd had enough of the bull, we headed to Styxx in search of good dance music. We got no further than the door as they were charging the full cover at 12:30 am. Although we had twenty thirsty people, they refused to drop the cover to $2 a head. Off to Brian Boru...
After a quick drink and dance, we headed to the Clarion where the Long Island girls and refs were staying. I cannot indulge you with the libations that occurred, but let me say - I love those New Yorkers!

Nothin can stop me now, cause I don't care anymore.

That's what Trent Reznor is singing to me as I prepare for tonight's bout. I didn't specifically choose that song. It just so happens to be playing in the NIN mix. It seems slightly appropriate as, yes, nothing can stop me now. But I do care, for the most part.

I don't get all psyched out before bouts. I try to stay in a blissful zone when I'm cleaning and rotating my wheels, wiping off the smudges on my rec specs and loading up my gear bag.

I love bouting so much that I just get excited to play roller derby with another league. I don't care a lot about winning - well, maybe a little. I just get excited to play with my team. When we train, we play against the same rotation of girls every week. Because of this, we know exactly who we can outskate, who we can knock down easiest and all of the jammer's tricks.

Playing a different league is absolutely thrilling to me. I don't know any of their tricks or strategy or anything! Part of the thrill is trying to figure these things out on the track - while still doing my job.

Tonight, we're playing Long Island Roller Rebels with substituted skaters from the Hudson Valley Horrors. I do know a couple girls because last season we played the Hudson Valley Horrors (who subsituted a couple Long Island girls). I know that Captain Morgan (pictured below) will knock the sh*% out of anyone in her way. I know that Pinky Swears was a pretty good jammer. The rest of the girls are a mystery to me.

You can read more about the league at www.longislandrollerrebels.com.

I've got to get back to my preparations for tonight. Where's that bottle of Jameson??

Why'd you let the Jammer go?!

Our fans are screaming, raging maniacs - as they should be - so you probably don't hear when the refs yell "Let her go!"

Why would he say such a thing? Well, it's in the rules.

If you're a nerd like me, who reads the rules for fun - you can check out the current ruleset here - www.wftda.com. (The newest ruleset will be implemented this summer.)

Rule 4.3.2 states "When a blocker or pivot is positioned more than 20 feet outside the pack or out-of-bounds, she is out of play and subject to penalties."

This means if I, a known jammer chaser, sprints ahead with the jammer I must knock her down or booty block her before we are 20 feet away from the pack. When the two of us reach that 20 feet point, the refs yell "let her go!" as a warning for me to, well, let her go unchecked.

So when it looks like I'm going to lay some earth-shattering block on that jammer and I abruptly stop and allow her through, this is what's happening. It's certainly not because I've changed my mind - I always want to send that jammer flying off the track. Always.

If I decided to ignore this warning, I'll be awarded a major penalty, which means I'll go straight to the penalty for one minute. While this might seem like a good trade for forcing that pesky jammer to go through the pack again, it's not. Going to the penalty box shorts your team a blocker. They'll have one less blocker to help your jammer and stop the opposing jammer. Having two blockers in the box is a bad, bad situation for the team.

The words of Denis Lemieux in the film Slapshot sum up the situation nicely: "You do that, you go to the box... You feel shame. And then you get free." Who wants to end up like the Hanson Brothers, who spend most of the game in the box!?

Perspectives from the Pack

Each skater has a different perspective in the pack. Some skaters are terrified and praying to just make it through alive. Some feel like they're approaching a pack of wild boars. In the blog found at www.schnozzfest.com, a roller girl who plays for St. Louis posted an image from Braveheart to describe her feelings when she approached the pack. The Maine rollergirls were inspired and had a blast posting their perceptions of the pack as well.

What Killer Quick sees when approaching the pack

What Killer Quick sees outside of the pack

What Wrex Zilla sees when approaching the pack

When Maulie MacKillem approaches the pack, she sees

At the end of the road for Maulie is

When approaching the pack Fist City Kitty sees

At the end if the jam is this

When Terror Byte looks at the Mom Bomb + Punchy combo in front of her she sees a boring work meeting she wants no part of. Like this:

Miss Creant, on the other hand sees this when trying to get through the pack

Calling her home to the outside of the pack is

After realizing this move to the outside was a terrible mistake, she sees

And lastly, when Punchy turns around and looks at the pack from up front, she sees

And at the end of the road is

the greatest night of my life

75 to 64. Who would have ever thought? We sure as hell didn't!

(top left to right: Miss Creant, Daisy Cutter, Patty O'Mean, Punchy O'Guts, Olive Spankins, Jones N; Bottom left to right: Lois Blow, The Mom Bomb, Killer Quick, Terror Byte, Jacked Rabbit, Breezey)

The Port Authorities won our first bout of the season against the Rhode Island Riveters, ranked 14 by Women's Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA). The most we were hoping for was to lose by no more than 50 points. Seriously, we thought we were going to get spanked.

After a 30-minute exhibition bout with the Boston Massacre last month, the Port Authorities took some hard-learned lessons and pulled the team together to victory. The Massacre creamed us. Hard. And we all walked away knowing exactly what we needed to work on.

We had one month to do it.

Let's back up a few months to when we first scheduled the bout. The majority of us were crapping our pants when we found out our first bout was against the Riveters. "The Riveters? Oh my god - they'll crush us!" was the sentiment. We were absolutely terrified.

But, after playing the Massacre, who were adept at the old divide-and-conquer maneuver, we smartened up learned how to play derby. Even after playing for over a year, many of us felt that we'd really just learned the game. Up until recently, our blockers were just knocking girls around and the jammers were just clawing through and hoping for the best.

We just realized that we have to get lead jammer in order to control the points. We have to strategically hit. And we need an actual strategy for playing the game. I'm not going to give away our strategy, of course, but we do have one. Finally.

Back to the Riveters... Although we were shaking in our skates months ago, come bout day, the team was zen. We've never been so calm and collected in the face of adversity. Maybe it's the home-town advantage, but the team was, for the very first time, a team. A unit.

Playing strategically as a team won us the game. Staying calm - even when the score was so close it was anybody's game - won us the game. After the first period, we were so proud of ourselves for "winning the period" that we didn't care what the outcome was. We personally won even if we lost.

Having a coach made a huge difference as well. We've never had someone challenging us and encouraging us, and it was HUGE! Coach Bomb is an integral asset to the team. When he came over to the Mom Bomb and I, after a particularly good jam, and said something like "that was awesome! I want to see more of that," I was elated, confident and driven to succeed again. I wanted to win for my team and my coach, not for myself.

We played our hardest and our best and were rewarded with our first win. The most shocking aspect of this is that never in the history of WFTDA has an unranked team (ie -us) ever won against such a highly ranked team (ie - the Riveters). Maine is on the map, my friends! And the derby community will be watching us closely. We don't plan to let them down.

photo by Matthew Robbins

Not only is this a glorious photo of Killer Quick going up against Craisy Dukes on the jammer line, but check out the crowd. We rolled 1055 deep!

THIS FRICKIN SATURDAY!

It's happening.

Some of this:

And a little of this:

And definitely this:

Be there.

(photos by John Santerre)

Video Blog!

Roger McCord, a blogger on MaineToday, put together a fantastic videoblog of our last bout with Pioneer Valley. Check it out at http://www.mainetoday.com/rogermccord/016800.html.

Olive Spankins does a lovely helicopter spin on the floor as she calls off the jam!

Don't miss our last bout tomorrown (Oct 6) at the Expo. Join the other 700+ screaming fans and experience roller derby Maine-style.

OUR FIRST SEASON!

Have you been yet? Good grief! Our first two bouts were incredible! Both were attended by over 700 people. And both were victories for Maine Roller Derby. Come and see our next bout October 6.
Door are at 5 pm at the Portland Expo. Live action starts at 6 pm.

Don't miss it! This is the last bout of the season!

Go to www.mainerollerderby.com to get tickets.

See you there!

The First Derby Season

This Saturday (Sept 8) is Maine Roller Derby's first bout of the first season. I am so excited I might piddle. The league has worked so hard to make this happen. Hell, it took us a year just to get the Portland Expo to secure us a date. I could drone on paragraph after paragraph about the hours of training, the sleepless nights, the meetings, the emails, the begging, but no one outside of rollergirls wants to hear about it. You all want action, action, action!

We're going to give it to you this Saturday (and Sept 22 and Oct 6). We're gonna give it to you hard.

At the bout you can expect live music, beer, raging lunatic fans, kid fans, quiet fans, freaks, and FULL-CONTACT ROLLER DERBY!

Personally, I am going to be out of control. I know this because I put together the soundtrack we skate to and there are far too many fast, angry songs on it. How can you not slam into a woman when you hear Master of Puppets?

I am probably one of the cleanest skaters on the league - meaning I rarely get penalties. This Saturday I am out for blood. And I'm taking everyone down with me.

Everyone has to see this. Make a sign for me. Make a sign for MRD. Just come and cheer! It'll be the best thing you ever saw.

Fall Season is happening!

We have been confirmed that our official first season will be this fall at the Portland Expo. Dates include Sept 8, Sept 22, and Oct 6. Information about ticket sales, season passes, and bouting teams will be available within the next couple months. Bouts are family friendly, and we invite all ages to attend; however, we do rate ourselves somewhere around PG-13.

We are in the process of creating at least two permanent teams (Nautical Knockouts and Port Authorities were only temporary teams for our last bout). This has been difficult for our league, due to such small numbers, but we are hoping to have enough girls ready to bout for the Fall. If we do not, we will invite other leagues to esemble an all-star team to bout against our all-star team.

I'm hoping for both a bout of our own teams and a couple bouts with other leagues. It's terribly exciting to play another league.
I just can't wait to get out there and show you all how awesome roller derby is!

In addition to skating in bouts, I am the head of Bout Production, which means I must plan and manage all bouts. It's a big job, but most of the league pitches in. Currently, we are looking for EMTs, statisticians, and other support staff. We are also taking submissions of music from anyone interested in becoming our official DJ for bouts and after parties. If interested, contact me at punchyoguts@mainerollerderby.com.

MRD vs. PVRD

Maine Roller Derby bouted Pioneer Valley Roller Derby twice (which I skated in both): once at Topsham Roller World (1/14/07) and again in Amherst, Mass (2/24/07). We were victorious in both bouts. Here's what we wrote on our myspace site about the January bout:

"The fierce women of Maine Roller Derby (MRD), Maine's first and only women's flat track roller derby league, defeated western Massachusetts' Pioneer Valley Roller Derby (PV) league in their first public scrimmage. This was MRD's second public showing of this hot new incarnation of the sport of roller derby to Maine.
The event took place at Roller World in Topsham, Maine, on January 14, 2007, and was full of nail-biting excitement as MRD and PV battled point-for-point to end the first period in a tied scored of 25 to 25. It looked to be a tough match. As the second period started, however, it was clear that, while PV had a lot of very hard hitters, MRD's speed and endurance could not be beat and they soon widened the gap. While all of MRD's jammers and blockers played very well, exceptional jamming by MRD's three top scorers, Vexacious D (31 points), Breezey (25 points), and Killer Quick (21 points), helped keep MRD ahead of the game during the second and third periods. Noteworthy blocking by Punchy O'Guts and The Mom Bomb, aided by some especially hard hits from Patty O'Mean and Goldie Headlocks, helped to clear the track of PV blockers and get their jammers through.
PV braved the long drive through inclement weather, bringing most of the players from not only their women's team, but their men's team as well. The men of PV showed great support for the women's team, shouting encouragement during the entire match. PV's most effective jammers, Piss N' Mona, Andy Nihilate and Beast Infection, gave MRD's jammers a run for their money on several occasions. And, while PV proved to be extremely hard-hitting on the whole, MRD took some particularly hard hits from Andy Nihilate, Beast Infection, Juggernaut Bitch, Pixie Scabs and Pink Panzer."

This bout was quite a thrill. Pioneer Valley's skaters are huge. With the exception of teeny, weeny Piss N' Mona, I think they're all over six feet tall. I thought they were going to cream us for sure, but after the first period I stopped looking at the score and just played the game. We had quite a lead and there was no reason to worry. Our endurance definitely won us the game as we wore Pioneer Valley down. They looked so tired during jams I actually felt bad about knocking them to the floor. Well, not bad enough to stop.

The second bout against Pioneer Valley was on their turf in Massachusetts. Because our win against them was so large, I assumed they were going to train extremely hard and knock the crap out of us. They did knock us around, but not enough to secure a win. The most horrifying part of this bout was the surface we skated on. It was like skating on sand. During warm-ups I was out of breath and worn down just trying to get around the track a few times.
I would have refused to skate if it hadn't been Pioneer Valley's debut bout. They were counting on this to make money and a name for their league. Although we compete against one another, there is a unification between derby sisters. We all struggle to operate our leagues and depend on other leagues when things are tough. So MRD sucked it up and took one for the team.
Now that we've won both bouts with Pioneer Valley's women's team. I'm secretly hoping to bout the men's team. Punchy can take 'em all!