written by Killer Quick
Modern day roller derby is made up of women from all walks of life. We’re not all tattooed, or built like refrigerators (or like skinny minnies either). We don’t all walk around with middle-finger-flying attitudes or snarl at polite society…unless of course polite society is snarling at our sport. Then we tend to bite back. Collectively we represent a little bit of a lot things, but nonetheless there are some ways to spy the ever-elusive Maine Roller Derby skater in her daily life. Here are some tell-tale signs you might be looking at a roller derby girl…
Swagger
There’s something in the way a woman walks when she knows she is incredibly strong, tough, and athletic. Most skaters talk about having earned a new-found confidence after they started playing serious roller derby. I’ve found myself many times thinking “that’s okay…I can take him if I have to” when annoyed by some over-aggressive yahoo.
Curious Scars or Leopard-looking Spots on Upper Thighs
It’s common, though not required or expected, for rollergirls to wear some form of stockings, tights, or leggings under her uniform. Sometimes those are fishnet-style stockings of assorted variety. Know what happens when you fall at high speeds and slide along the floor? It’s called track rash, baby, and oh how it burns. Now imagine someone wearing tiny criss-crossing ropes of fabric all across her legs taking a big fall and sliding along the floor on an upper thigh/hip. The results come in fascinating shapes and patterns, and sometimes take months to fade away.
Bulging Quadriceps
Proper roller derby skating form is in a squat. Picture Olympic speed skaters for a visual. Now imagine spending 4, 6, or more hours per week in that position. Add to that a routine of suicides, squats, lunges, jumping, and falling drills that involve hitting the floor and popping up immediately. Now picture the legs, and especially the quadriceps (the four main muscles on the front of the thigh) that are attached to those women. Yea. Uh huh. Yowza. For purposes of modesty, I’m pointedly not going into detail about the accompanying bums of steel.
Bruises
In roller derby, falls happen. Go figure when you’re racing around on wheels, throwing yourself into or in the way of opposing skaters. We train ourselves to be able to take the most bone-shattering, spine-cracking hits without ending up on the floor, but hello-floor-meet-my-body is still going to happen from time to time. Therefore, as with any full-contact sport, rollergirls end up with some pretty spectacular bruises. Some of the most common tend to be bruises on the upper arms from the impact of a particularly bony shoulder, or large blooming flowers of purple, red, yellow, and black on hips, thighs, and shins. The most amusing bruise I’ve witnessed was a perfectly-formed circular bruise exactly the size and shape of a skate wheel, right in the middle of a buttcheek. It was deep, dark, and the result of a fall upon the skater’s own skate wheel…and it was glorious. Rollergirls wear their hard-earned bruises with pride.
That Smell…What on Earth Is That Smell?!
Roller derby is not all glory and glamour. In fact, most of it involves a lot of sweat, pain, and dirt… all in pursuit of the glory and the glamour of course. If you happen to be at a bar or eating establishment and pass a table of women yelling things about “jams” and “gravediggers” and “body blocking,” and you get a whiff of an unholy odor as you breeze by while wondering what strange language these girls are speaking, you have probably just passed a group of derby girls enjoying a post-practice adult beverage. Please know we cannot help the odiferous accessory… no amount of washing can keep our necessary safety gear on knees, elbows, wrists, and heads from taking on an occasional unfriendly aura of… well, like I said, we work up an honest day’s sweat several times a week in that gear, and the smell doesn’t always like to stick just to the pads. It’s definitely the mark of a post-practice rollergirl, and we wear it with pride. We also buy a lot of laundry soap and Oxyclean.
Equipped with these insider tips, you’re sure to be able to spot a rollergirl or two in your midst. Make her day by giving her a smile, a nod, and maybe a big ol’ “Hey, Maine Roller Derby rules! Where can I buy tickets?” (The answer is Bull Moose Music and www.mainerollerderby.com.)