I've got some surprising news for you. Roller derby is NOT an outlet for my pent-up aggressions. It's not an excuse to "hit girls." I don't have a hard day at work and then go to practice to get all grrrr-face and go ballistic on skates. And if I wanted to get in fights I'd go back to junior high and take all those girls up on their offers to kick my ass. Why is this a surprise? Perhaps it's not to some, but I find that the average media coverage of roller derby frequently frames the physical aspect of what we do as being all about getting your aggressions out (also frequently employing the tired librarian/social worker/scientist/mom-by-day and monster-on-wheels by night analogy as well), and I find that way too simplistic.
I don't have pent up aggression I need to work through (well, ok, maybe sometimes I do, but it doesn't particularly come out when I hit other women on roller skates). I don't deny that roller derby is great in part because women are not generally taught or given such outlets to be highly physical with each other, or with anyone. Roller derby is definitely a venue for that, as well as for other things we're not encouraged to do, such as working together to build a business and a community rather than snarking at each other about looks and status.
Roller derby is, among other things, an outlet for being physical, making myself stronger, and for being competitive. I play roller derby to push myself beyond what I thought I could do, both physically and mentally. When I go to practice or play a game, I know I'm going to sweat a lot, gasp for air, focus, overcome minor pain and discomfort, strategize, philosophize, fall, get up, feel the strength in my body, feel love for my leaguemates, laugh, occasionally be annoyed, often be amazed, and leave stronger and happier than I went in. I'm not saying it's all kittens and hearts and rainbows…I have bad practices, I get frustrated with people, they get frustrated with me, and sometimes I leave thinking "wow, I suck at this."
But for me, and I suspect for most skaters, all of the positive things I get from the sport of roller derby, and particularly from my league, release any negative emotions that carry over from the rest of my life far more efficiently and completely than this notion of "me angry, me feel aggressions, me hit girl go boom."
I've never subscribed to the alter ego. I'm me and nothing will change that.
Most press coverage about roller derby is the teacher-by-day-hellion-by-night type crap. And the alter ego is played up heavily with interviews about how a woman creates a derby handle and becomes some sort of crazed, violent, machete-chopping berzerker.
In these interviews, many of the skaters refer to themselves in the third person. "Berzerker Biotch is tough and aggressive and won't take anybody's sh*t, but I am mostly a quiet office worker... Sometimes Bezerker Biotch comes out a work and I'm all 'Oh no he didn't.' " And so on.
Maybe other leagues really are like that, but I don't know anyone in MRD that would say anything remotely close to that word vomit. I'm equally aggressive and berzerking without my handle or helmet. I don't turn into a kitten when the skates come off. My kitteny side is always there, just somewhere underneath the menacing glares.
While ho-humming over USA Today's coverage of roller derby - which should have appeared in the sports section, not lifestyle - I realized that I DO, in fact, have a roller derby alter ego. Or rather roller derby has brought out a side of me I hadn't met.
As a member of the board of directors of Maine Roller Derby, I've found that I am a business woman who tirelessly and passionately works for something I believe in, without pay. I spend most of my days thinking about roller derby, not just how to improve my game or work with my team, but how to culminate the business.
I am driven. I am an athlete. I can separate my love for my friends to make decisions that help grow a business. I love exercising, sweating and pushing myself physically. I excel under stress.
And you know what? These qualities don't just belong to Punchy O'Guts - yes, I just wrote in third person, but only to humor myself - these qualities are part of me. And I don't need a roller derby handle to display them.