August 17, 2009

Serving Up Derby – The Waitress

Sometimes I see a skater who is far smarter than I am pull off some badass move and I am simultaneously stunned, humbled, and wicked envious. I want to know how on earth they thought of that, and how I can become that derby-smart. Do I need to sell my soul? Because I will, just let me know where to sign.

This was one of those moments. I've seen Bonnie D. Stroir's (of the San Diego Derby Dolls) instructional videos before and they never fail to be inspiring, not to mention charming # no fair to be so talented and so cute! This is a newly released video and I haven't been on the track since I saw it three days ago, but i've been dying to get out there and start working this. Check it out (skip to 2:40 if you want to get right to the good stuff):

Get out of town! That's just way too slick. Tonight, it's on. I'm going to be a waitress if it kills me.

Posted by Killer Quick at 04:37 PM | Comments (1)

June 05, 2008

There's no crying in derby!

I know my injury is minor compared to many, and that I just have a couple more weeks to go before I can skate again. And while I'm nervous that I'll lose endurance and muscle memory, I know that's unlikely since I'm still working out off skates.

That doesn't change the fact that it is excruciating to watch the other girls during practice. It wasn't so much a big deal at first, but as I set up my exercise mat and hit the core exercise I felt the pain of being unable to strap on my skates and pads and sweat it out with the league.

Now I understand why most injured skaters opt to not attend practices at all.

What's worse was I looked over and saw Greasy O'Guts (head ref and my loving partner) participating in drills. It was salt in the wound that my boyfriend was participating in what I wanted more than anything - to skate my face off.

It's pathetic, I know, but I allowed the tears to fall freely as I pounded through sit-ups on my stupid yoga mat. It seems kind of silly to write that, because I'm not much of crier. But I felt overwhelmingly jealous AND sorry for myself.

There was only one solution. While those girls are doing what I wanted most but couldn't I thought about what is was that I could do that they couldn't.

Drink beer. And do it right in front of them. (It's in our by-laws that you cannot drink before or during skating.)

Yep. I went straight to the store, bought a six pack and headed right back to practice. I sat down with my team and chugged my beers during scrimmaging. I know it's immature and petty, but I felt so much better to see them suddenly jealous of me.

They were all sweaty and some out of breath, longingly staring at my Blue Moon. It didn't hurt so much that they were skating and I wasn't.

However, I'd give all the beer in the world just to skate in a circle again...

Posted by Punchy O'Guts at 12:36 PM | Comments (0)

May 30, 2008

I'm officially on the Disabled List

Tendinitis and loose ligaments. The doctor told me this about both my right and left ankles. I had guessed it was tendinitis from the pain I've felt all season. Apparently skating through the pain wasn't a good idea.

After a brief off-season in November and December, we came back to training with a fierce and aggressive approach. We started training harder. "Endurance means to endure" was our mantra. From the very first practice I knew something was wrong. I was experiencing debilitating pain in both ankles. But it mattered not because I was enduring. Didn't matter how bad it hurt, I pushed through it because I wanted to be the very best I could.

Playing the Boston Massacre, I had a harsh realization that this pain was effecting my playing and I needed to do something about it. We had a big bout against the Riveters and I couldn't let my team down.

Of course, I couldn't get a doctor's appointment until May 22 (the week after the end of our season). I studied up on tendinitis - it seemed like the most reasonable diagnosis - and found that I needed to stop skating and retrain my tendons. Um, not an option right before the biggest bout of my roller derby career.

Armed with my own personal regime for training, I removed myself from drills during practice and tried to find how long I needed to skate - just in a circle at a slow pace - before I could participate without pain. You see, if I just hopped in the drills, my ankles would throb with hot pain and refuse to bend or rotate. I found that after skating at a snail's pace for a good 40 minutes allowed me to prepare my tendons for scrimmaging.

I did this before every bout this season and it worked out.

Now I'm glad I couldn't get a doctor's appointment until after the season. His orders were - no skating for a month, then ease back into it. I have to do all these exercises to strengthen my muscles, so they can take the slack off the tendons and down Ibuprofen all day.

While I'm glad there's no permanent damage, I'm devastated, of course, to be told I can't skate. Attending the last practice was tough. I tried to stay busy doing a core workout, but come time to scrimmage I couldn't help but feel sad as my team played without me.

I know, I know. Boo hoo, right? A couple months with no scrimmaging pales in comparison to some of the other girls' injuries. I'll just suck it up and do what the doctor says so I'm back on skates in no time.

We've got two bouts this Fall and I plan on skating in them...

Posted by Punchy O'Guts at 01:53 PM | Comments (0)

May 09, 2008

The Calamity Janes

The Calamity Janes, MRD's Junior Varsity team, is taking on Providence Killah Bees (PRD's JV team) on June 7 at the Expo. Yes, Providence is coming back to Maine after a shocking defeat on April 12 (Port Authorities vs. The Riveters). And they don't plan on going home without a victory.

Have no fear, my friends - the Janes are looking damn good! They've been training hard - scrimmaging against the Port Authorities - and developing their game. This bout will be a tooth-and-nailer you don't want to miss.

Calamity Janes color.JPG

A-Block is the captain of this motley crew and her wranglers include Wrex Zilla, Roxxy Retribution, Fist City Kitty, Maulie MacKill'em, Trouble & Strife, Graceless Kelly, Chantel Kill N Sell, Jenni-vicious, Thighs Queen and Tinker Tank.

It's been just four short months since the Fresh Meat new recruit event, and our newest girls will be joining up with the Janes before you know it. One Fresh-meater, Jenni-Vicious, has already passed several assessments and try-outs to make the Calamity Janes team!

The others are kicking major tail on the track. It took the old meat months upon months - years for some - to get where these girls have excelled to. I assume they are so good because they have us old meat training them (We old-meaters had to teach ourselves everything we knew, which was based on, well, very little knowledge about the game.)

Look out for Sugarbush, Gunner Hands Off, Mary Jane Pain Train, Itsy Bitsy Fighter, The Zipper, Action Figure Amy, Pippi Headstomping, Frau Schlaggen, Cruella Intentions, Ruth of All Evil and Thunderbird. It's just a matter of time before these ladies will be burning it up on the track.

Posted by Punchy O'Guts at 01:53 PM | Comments (2)

March 21, 2008

Riveter Challenge

In the fall, we scored an undefeated season against Hudson Valley Horrors, Pioneer Valley Roller Derby and Albany All-stars. This season is going to be far more challenging. MRD will have to fight to earn every point and stop the opposing team from scoring.

In just three weeks (April 12), the Port Authorities take on the Rhode Island Riveters, ranked 14 on WFTDA's National Rankings at www.wftda.com.
Let me say that again - the Riveters are ranked 14 on the national chart. MRD isn't even on the chart yet!

The Rhode Island Riveters are no joke. Just look at them. I've seen some of these girls play and they are fierce. Lotta Pain is like a mac truck. Da Silva Bullet is, well, as fast as a damn bullet. Hysterica! is mean as hell. And Craisy Dukes zips through the pack before you knew she even approached it. Read more about the league at www.providencerollerderby.com.

MRD is up for a serious challenge. Although the Port Authorities assembled just a month ago, we are training hard to face this far-more-experienced team.
And let me tell you, our trainer, Olive Spankins, is taking her job seriously. We train three times a week for two hours for endurance, skill and strategy. There are plenty of lunges, speed-skating, planks, push-ups and falling drills to make you puke.

The PAs will put up a strong, skilled fight against the Riveters and this bout will certainly be an on-the-edge-of-your-seat-if-you're-even-sitting throwdown of roller derby madness! We can't wait to show our fans how hard we've been training - and hopefullly score a few wins in the process and put Maine in the WFTDA rankings!

July 04, 2007

Positions - How to play them.

In our past bouts / scrimmages I've mostly concentrated on playing defensively - hitting the jammer and knocking her down or out so that she takes a long time to get through the pack or not at all.
We've had a few conversations in the league about how our main goal is to score points (as jammers) and protect our points (as blockers). For the past few months I've been working on my offensive game and thinking about how to play each position to its full effect. Clearly, for any position, communication is key. Know where everyone is and anticipate what might happen and communicate and act accordingly. This is what I've come up with so far for each position.

PIVOT - paces the pack, knows when to slow or speed up in regards to jammer positions.
1. Always help your jammer. If you are in the very front of the pack give her a whip. If you can't whip her, push her. She needs all the momentum she can get to make it back around. If you're a little behind and can't reach her, speed up to give her that push - you can slow down and rest for a minute in the pack, whereas she cannot.
2. Push the opposing jammer out and around you. She won't score on you if you push her out of bounds and let her skate in front of you. You've protected you're point and not wasted too much energy.

INSIDE (I don't play this often, so I know very little.)
1. Look around. Always. You must know when to hold the line and when to move for your jammer.
2. Push opposing inside player off the line to make a hole for your jammer - keeping in mind where the opposing jammer is.
3. If your skate isn't holding the line, make sure your butt is.
4. Play cat & mouse. Open the inside line while the opposing jammer is about three feet behind you. She'll quicken her stride to get through and you can close the gap and push her inside and out of bounds and around you. She won't score on you and you protect your point.

OUTSIDE - Works with pivot and covers outside of pack.
1. If you can skate up with your pivot and build a wall, do it. But don't at your jammers expense.
2. If your pivot is chasing down the jammer, make sure you skate 9 feet in front of the pack to give her more time to catch the jammer. Also call your pivot back once she's about to engage out of bounds.
3. If not up front with your pivot. Move inside the pack to push opposing blockers toward the outside for you jammer to get through on the inside - always ready to block opposing jammer is she chooses the path you made for your jammer.

BACK - skates in the back of the pack. main communicator.
1. Because you are in the back. You can see everyone and communicate to your players where everyone is. TALK! Delegate where your blockers should go to create a path for your jammer. Delegate where blockers should go to hit the opposing jammer.
2. Once the jammers have passed you. Skate up to opposing blockers and push them into other blockers or the jammer. You have the most advantage in the back because you can see everyone. Don't forget it!
3. As the opposing jammer approaches, keep an eye on her and booty block her. It slows her down, distracts her, and kills all momentum - physically and mentally.
4. If you're jammer is through, replacement block. Get up there and take out the opposing jammer.

JAMMER - (I am not experienced in this position, but have found a couple things that work to my advantage.)
1. Instead of plowing through the pack and getting penalties for back-blocking and cutting the track, allow the other jammer to go through first. Being patient gives you a chance to watch the pack move to either help or hit the opposing jammer. Most often a hole is created. (The disadvantage is that by holding back a little you may be giving up lead jammer status.)
2. Hit your way through. HIT 'EM! You can make your own holes. Get low and hit shoulder to thigh to push opposing blockers out of your way.
3. If you can hit the opposing jammer, do it! It gives you time to clear the pack, earning four points and calling it off before she can earn another four points.

Posted by Punchy O'Guts at 02:39 PM | Comments (0)

June 08, 2007

Jamming vs. Blocking

Predominately I'm a blocker. I play as pivot and outside, which means I usually rock out the front of the pack. I like it up there where I can see everything that goes on and wait for the jammers to come to me. I love when the opposing jammer is just about to break the pack and I am the last line of defense. I do my best - or worst! - to keep her back or knock her to the floor where she'll have to start all over again trying to make it back up to and past me.

Over the past few months I've started jamming at practices. I've done so in order to learn that position should I be needed and to learn about the position as to be a better blocker. Honestly, I don't like jamming that much. Not only is it incredibly tiring, but you have to rely on other people (your team) to help you. I don't like relying on anyone for anything in life. I do it myself. But I also like to help other people. As a blocker I get to help. You know, like "it's shake n bake and hept."

I feel comfortable having someone rely on me. The challenge to prove myself dependable is one I often take. In derby, the jammer needs me, and I like to be known as a reliable team player. Nothing feels better than people wanting you on their team.

I love derby. Oh, how I love the derby.

Posted by Punchy O'Guts at 05:47 PM | Comments (85)

How do you play roller derby?

The Game

Quick definitions:
bout - the entire game of roller derby (ie. match, game)
period - there are three periods in a bout, these periods consist of unlimited jams
jam - when gameplay occurs; can last up to two minutes, but no more than


Each team has anywhere from 7-14 players. From that pool of players 5 girls are selected from each team for a jam. Four girls are blockers and one is a jammer for each team. The jammer wears a panty (helmet cover) with a star. The pivot, the blocker leading the pack, wears the panty with the stripe. Different girls are chosen for positions in jams. Some girls block and jam. Some are only jammers, and some are only blockers.

Jammers from both teams are positioned 33 feet from the pack. At the first whistle the pack (the group of 8 total girls) takes off. At the second whistle the jammers take off trying to catch up with the pack and break through.

Points are NOT scored during the inital break of the pack. The jammers vie for lead-jammer status, which would allow them to "call off the jam" whenever they choose. To achieve lead-jammer status, the jammer must break the pack first without going out of bounds or committing any penalties (back-blocking, cutting the track, elbowing, etc). The jammers can use their blockers to pull their way through, and blockers try to whip their jammer through or push other blockers out of the way while blocking the opposing jammer.

After the initial pass, jammers can score points. This is done by legally passing blockers. Every blocker of the opposing team that the jammer passes legally is one point. She can score a total of four points on every pass through the pack. If she is lead-jammer, she can strategically call of the jam before the other jammer passes through or continue for the full two minutes to rack up as many points possible.

Other reasons to call of the jam are if the jammer is caught in the pack and the opposing jammer is about to score more points, the jammer is knocked out, the jammer is tired, etc.

The blockers never score points. In the rare occasion that the jammer "passes the star" - a strategic move where the jammer takes off her star panty and gives it to the pivot - the pivot can score points after circling around and passing through the pack.

A jam can last up to two minutes and there are unlimited jams in every period. Each period is twenty minutes long. There are three periods in a bout.

The team with the most points wins. I love winning.

Easy, huh? Well, easy until you try playing. Or reffing!

Posted by Punchy O'Guts at 05:38 PM | Comments (2536)

May 08, 2007

Falling

In derby, it is incredibly important to fall small, meaning when you get knocked down or fall on your own accord, you don't take out anyone else on the way down. We practice a series of falls (single knee, baseball, and double knee) in order to keep from doing so.
Although we practice falling, there are times when it is near impossible to fall small - when girls trip you, when girls fall directly in front on you, when your feet are knocked out from under you, etc. The lovely Mainegler brought to my attention that I manage to fall in such a way - even in those impossible situations - that is safe and does not put anyone else in harms way.
I contemplated this one for some time before I realized it's a mental thing - being able to fall properly. Things kind of slow down for me in a moment of crisis, almost like slo-motion cinematography. This allows me to think about what do in the mili-second I have to take action. I realize this impulse doesn't happen for everyone and a lot of people just panic and allow anything to happen rather than taking control.
In almost any situation (derby or non-derby), panicking makes everything worse. In a derby situation you usually have at least a second of realization that a fall is happening and you may or may not become involved. Panicking usually means you are about to be involved. If possible, you need to use that second to assess the situation and move accordingly. For example, Goldie Headlocks was knocked down directly in front of me while I was skating at a fast pace. Because her fall was surprising I didn't have time to skate or leap out of the way. My only option to avoid falling directly on top of our skinniest and miniest player was to dive over her. This inevitably knocked the wind out of me, but kept Goldie from getting crushed.
If you fear falling, then panic will always happen. It is impossible for our brains to operate rationally when a very strong emotion occurs - which is why I never make decisions when I'm feeling passionate about anything (those decisions are almost always regretable). If you can keep from panicking your brain can think about how to react when you are about to fall.

Posted by Punchy O'Guts at 03:36 PM | Comments (363)

May 05, 2007

Westbrook Practice

Today marked our first outdoors practice of the season. Last year the girls practiced at an outdoors rink in Westbrook, near the Dana Warp Mill, and decided to do so again this summer. With my allergies, fair skin, and sensitivity to sunlight, I wasn't looking forward to it.
Early this morning, 9:30 am, about half the league met for drills and endurance training. Trouble & Strife was responsible for running the practice and came prepared with a broom to sweep up broken beer bottles. The rink apparently wasn't as bad as last year, but did have glass chunks sprinkled all over - making it a little dangerous for falling drills - and a rather large rocket-penis along with some classy little messages spray-painted on the right end of the rink.
Geez. I'm glad I brought my kid along. The last thing I wanted to do is answer "what is that, mum?" that would inevitably follow after viewing this "art" work. Good thing she never noticed it. We did, however, use it to our advantage: the rocket-penis became a point of reference during hopping drills. "Okay, one more jump over the penis and then we're done," T&S yelled on our last lap.
Training was quite effective given our limitations. T&S had us working a wall drill, where two girls skate next to each other and one calls out "one inside" or "two outside" and both girls simultaneously hop once to the left or twice to the right, staying as close as possible. I was working with Olive Spankins and we figured out just how to work this to our advantage in a jam. If we were creating a wall in front of the pack and the jammer was behind us on the inside, we could easily hop outside to fake out an opening for the jammer and then hop right back inside to close the gap. I can't wait to try it with the Mom Bomb, my blocking wall partner - our wall is near inpentratable.
We also worked on whipping. I realized to maximize strength in a whip, I can widen my stance as the jammer grabs onto my arm. I must use my core strength, rather than arm strength, to pull her forward. As I pull her forward, I pull in my legs from the wide stance to keep from touching skates with the jammer. Pulling in to a tight stance also helps use my full body to pull her through. (Picture a baseball player batting, except instead of hitting a ball, she is pulling someone forward.) What's important to remember is that once I'm in that tight stance after giving a whip, I need to stay low and be ready to take a hit, as I can't look behind me and give a whip at the same time. Any other blocker could use this to her advantage.
So, all was not lost on me in the first outdoors practice. I suppose I'll have to stop crying about sun exposure if I want to learn anything! Although, I'm still not looking forward to tomorrow night's outdoor practice.

Posted by Punchy O'Guts at 12:10 PM | Comments (20)