X-ORCISM

You've all been there... had a relationship that you believed in, hoped for, opened up to more than any others before and then it happens... you get screwed! Well, not literally, but that person that you trusted, believed was your soul mate, best friend, partner, companion, etc., does something unforgivable. We call it the unspeakable.

So how do you rid yourself of the anger, frustration, hurt, disappointment, shock and lost feelings? How do you stop being mad that you even have to be mad? You perform the X-ORCISM! Wikipedia defines exorcism as the practice of evicting demons or other evil spiritual entities from a person. I define the X-ORCISM as telling the jerk exactly where to go and then purging your life of all things that had anything to do with them. What I really want to say might not go over so well on MaineToday.com so trust me that when I say "tell them where to go" that I mean a much more strongly worded statement!

So, move out, if you live with Satan... stay with a friend temporarily if you need to. Lose the phone number. Or do what one of my friends did and reprogram the name that appears on your phone when they call to something that will force you to remember you don't want to deal with them, like don't answer dumbass, or call some one who cares, or waste of time, well, you get the point. Block their email. Send all the crap they still have at your house back to them or better yet donate it or throw it out. Here's one I love. Go to xboyfriendjewerly.com and list the all the jewelry they gave you for sale and don't forget while you're at it to vent about it online in a little write up to accompany your item.

And once they do the unspeakable, we then call them the unspeakable. So, as hard as it is, stop talking about them to your friends and family. Any more energy expended on someone who cares so little about respecting you, protecting you or caring about you, is like salt in the wound. I think pretending that they don't exist is the best X-orcism. So without a doubt, do not go anywhere you know you might run into them. The hell with standing your ground and putting up the old protest of "I'm not going to change my routine for them." Do it, change your routine, the negativity that will come from running into them or worrying about it is NOT WORTH IT! And they don't even deserve to see your reaction. The worst punishment is to let someone have to sit with their own bad actions, so let them sit As my mother always says... all the dirt comes out in the wash. Translation: They'll get theirs... what comes around, goes around. You don't have to be the one to do it. Stay true to yourself; continue to be the good person you are. You are the one that can sleep well at night knowing you are ok with your actions.

I know if you’re like me, you want to even the score or make them hurt back but the best revenge is being the best person you can be. And as a really good friend from college told me once... only surround yourself with positive people. Refuse to be sucked into the negativity. Don't wait perform the X-orcism today and move on!

What did your last x-orcism consist of?

Portland, Our Dating Scene Needs Your Vote!

Last entry we talked about internet dating... you know the normal internet dating in which you post your picture, wait for people to view it, wink at you or you at them, chat, and then arrange a meeting if you both desire. For some of you, that is or would be scary enough but for those of you Risqué Businessers… I have the perfect thing for you!

CrazyBlindDate.com is the newest craze launched online this past winter in 5 large US cities. On this site, as they say, they "like to keep things simple." That’s the philosophy so on very short notice they can set you up on quick dates with total strangers at public places like bars and coffee shops. BUT here's the thing... remember it's Crazy BLIND Date so you're not allowed to see their picture or even communicate before you go!

This is awesome! For those of you like me who can't even commit to lunch next week let alone to sitting down every night and chatting online for days just to even get to the meeting point with someone (which may be based on reality or not depending on how genuine the person has been) this is just what we need in Portland! No waiting, no wasting time, you just go out immediately.

Check out the site. It's easy to navigate. Simply choose if you are looking for a solo date or a double date. Then when you want to meet up with someone, how much notice you need, if you want to meet in a bar, for coffee, or some other suggested place of your own, and some age and other optional requirements you may have and voila! Your request is sent into Crazy Blind Date Land... oh, and it's completely free.

Sounds fun, right? What could be more risqué than that? And heck if it doesn't work out, you haven't spent 4 nights writing to the person online and telling them all about yourself only find out later there is no physical attraction at all. This certainly can't be riskier than spending the time to shower, primp, drive in town, circle the block eight times to find a parking space and walking into 51 Wharf or the Old Port Tavern on a Saturday night looking to meet your next possible date!

Let's give the Portland dating scene the chance to have an option other than bull riding at the stadium, walking the planks at the Port Hole, or mingling with martinis at Una. So don’t just sit back and do nothing… Go to CrazyBlindDate.com and click on VOTE FOR YOUR CITY and plug in Portland, Maine! The votes will be measured on April 18th so there is no time to spare! Do it today and let Portland go Crazy with Blind dating! And if for no other reason do it because Isabella said so.

Internet Dating, Cue It or Screw It?

Internet Dating? Cue it? Screw it? Is it worth the gigabytes or just a web of deceit?

We consult internet dating expert One Date Wonder (ODW), known for her insight and adventures on Confessions of a One Date Wonder, http://onedatewonder.wordpress.com/ for the answer to this and many of your other burning questions.

So ODW, how long have you been dating?

I have had an off and on relationship with internet dating for a long time. But this particular stint has had me trying for about a year now.

How many 1st dates would you say you have been on?

You know, I started to count but it got a bit depressing. I'd say over 20 but under 50. Please don't make me try to tally again!

Do you think dating is the same in all parts of the US?

Absolutely 100% not. You know, I used to live in a rather rural area. It was near some cities, but was a bit remote itself. I had the roughest time meeting people there, even through the internet. There just weren't as many opportunities and the actual caliber of the dates was different. Since then, I moved into the Baltimore area. While there are definitely better places for dating than around here, Baltimore is far better than my rural experience. Although I do have to say, it seems that Washington DC would be the best dating scene around. I'm not moving down there just for that though.

What internet dating sights do you like to use the most and why?

You know, I have a love/hate relationship with dating sites. A few years ago match.com was the best for me by far. But these days, you'd think I'm a baby-eating godzilla on there or something. Seriously, not one single response from that site in 6 months. Not one. So you know, not my favorite anymore. I had a bit of luck with Yahoo personals, but nothing to write home about. eHarmony has been a total and complete bust by the way. I don't care how many aspects of compatibility or whatever they match on. All I seem to get are closed matches for one reason or another. See my earlier notes regarding baby-eating and godzilla-like tendencies.

So these days I prefer the free sites. Plenty of Fish has been interesting, but does not seem to attract the exact caliber of man I'm looking for. (Read as: Those men can't string together an entire sentence in something that resembles English, for the most part.) CraigsList can be fun but is a complete and total crapshoot. You never know what is going to happen over there. My favorite, and the site giving me the best results at the moment, is Ok Cupid.

The thing to really remember though is that you'll get out as much as you put in. You can't just throw up a profile and run away. You actually have to work. You need to actually log in, surf around, and *gasp* take initiative. You will get out of it exactly what you put in. Unless you're on match.com. That place is just a black hole, I'm telling you.

Do you think most people accurately represent themselves on a dating website?

Yes and no. For the most part, I've not met people trying to deliberately misrepresent themselves. As in, I've weeded them out ahead of time ;) I have had brushes with people misrepresenting their ages or looks. But I've been lucky enough to find out ahead of time and get out. A real savvy One Date Wonder can smell those things from a distance, of course.

People are very much trying to put their best foot forward. So sometimes what you see in a picture and what you see in front of you don't always match up in your mind. And it's not necessarily a matter of them trying to get one over on you. It's a matter of how they see themselves and what they want you to see. Usually if a person has included more than one picture you can get a feel for which ones are just fantastic and which are more like reality. And if you write back and forth for a little bit, you can figure out the difference between a fun quirk and a seriously annoying habit.

How many email exchanges do you think should occur before you go out with someone from an internet site?

I'm a bad person to ask about this. I have a theory that meeting faster is better than lingering over email. After two or three successful messages and replies, I'd like for the man to go ahead and ask me out. The thing is, prolonged email exchanges only lead to danger in the end. You can have fabulous email chemistry with someone, and then meet them in person and find that your cat has more sex appeal than your date does. And the bottom line is that without chemistry of some sort, all the fabulous emails in the world will not a relationship make. The longer you try to email with someone, the higher expectations can get, and that is often only setting the stage for a giant let down and hurt feelings. Better to meet sooner, assess the situation early on, and get out before anyone really gets hurt if that's what you have to do.

What is the best date you have been on from the internet?

Hmmmm..... now you're making me really think! I would have to say my recent date with my zombie guy is the best one I can actually remember. We met in the city at this little BYOB upscale grill type joint. He brought a nice bottle of wine with him and we had a good meal. We even split a dessert. He, of course, picked up the check. Then we went over to another part of the city to his neighborhood bar and nursed some beers while we talked over the racket. There was lots of leaning in and he started holding my hand. We left the bar to go for a walk and on a side street of the city he kissed me. Which was really quite awesome, if I do say so myself. Not that I'm one to kiss and tell, of course.

Any good ideas on how to get the old folks not to contact you if you have already stated on your profile that you are only interested in people that are 10 years younger than they are?

I wish. Some people are just determined and there's not much you can do about it. Clearly state your acceptable age range when filling out a profile on any dating site. They will ask, you be honest. (In fact, that's a good rule for all profile questions. But I digress.) Beyond that, when the creeps try to contact you, you have two choices. Ignoring is my favorite. Because seriously, they had to know how ridiculous that was before they wrote the message anyway. The second one is to write back and say they are out of your acceptable age range.

The reason I don't recommend option number two is that it violates my rule of "Don't feed the bear." Meaning that if you choose to respond, you are opening the door for communication. And they will likely take this as their cue to answer and try to convince you. After all, if you really weren't interested, you would have just deleted their email, right? Right. So I'd just go with that if I were you.

What are the 3 most important tips you would give to anyone using or thinking about using an internet dating site?

1. First and foremost, be safe. Always meet in public places and do not bring them home or go home with them on your first few dates. Don't let anyone pick you up at your place. Find out their full name before you go out. And for the first few dates, have a safety buddy. A safety buddy is a friend you can trust who you give all the details of your date to ahead of time. The guy's name, basic stats, and when and where you're meeting him. Once you have safely gotten home, you check back in with your safety buddy to let them know you are, well, safe. Establish a time where if they haven't heard from you they should check in. If they are unable to reach you and haven't heard anything, they should start sending out the alarms.

2. Don't get your expectations too high before a date. I cannot really stress this point enough. While your physical safety is important, so is your emotional well being. Dating is hard enough without setting yourself up to get hurt like that. Approach each situation with a positive attitude, but don't expect each guy to be the one. Just relax and try to enjoy yourself. Trust me, that will be hard enough.

3. Remember, it's still a date. That means men should open doors and pick up the check. Women should not try to take advantage of this. Both of you should be on your best behavior. Never stand up your date... always call if you plan on bailing with enough notice for your date to make other plans. Be polite. Make conversation. Make eye contact. Don't play stupid games. And don't be an idiot. Seriously. Also, if you like the person, at least hug them goodnight. Again, seriously. You don't have to stick your tongue down their throat, but throw your date a signal they can read without some sort of dating dictionary.

And lastly...what would you say in summary about internet dating? Is it worth the gigs or just a web of deceit?

Internet dating is probably no different than meeting people in a bar or a club used to be. In today's world we are all so busy that we rarely have time to meet people in the older traditional ways. I don't know about you, but I don't meet guys when I go out grocery shopping or to a bar with friends. It just doesn't work that way. And unless a guy is going to knock on my front door and introduce himself, it's not going to happen. So I think internet dating is the new traditional way to meet someone. And I think it's slowly losing the stigma that was attached to it only a few years ago. Will there be some deceit? Of course. But that will exist anywhere where there are people, to be honest. Just like with anything else, you take the bad with the good and keep on trucking.

I guess that was a long winded way of saying, it gets thumbs up from me.

That's the 411 from our guest One Date Wonder. What's your internet dating 411 or 911 for that matter?