You've lost that loving feeling

So don't, don't, don't ...let it slip away... a love you won't find every day.

Seems everything we do these days requires multiple sources of stimulation. I am guilty of it myself. I can rarely just sit and watch something on TV that would be interesting enough to keep my full attention so I am usually checking email, surfing the web, paying bills, and simultaneously watching all at once. I go to the gym and I am listening to my iPod but also need to watch something on TV, even though I have no idea what they are saying, AND I need to be strategically located on my cardio machine to also be watching what the people (ok, cute guys..lol) are doing on the weight training floor because just the iPod, and the TV are not entertaining enough to keep me content for 45 minutes! You all know what I mean and have your own wicked ways that you are on stimulation overload; should I say Facebook and Myspace addicts?

But when did this need to be over stimulated take over in the bedroom? When did we let love slip away and be replaced with lust? Last night there was a couple, oh and not even a real couple two people who had just met but were pretending to be a couple, going around in the bar I was in, asking other couples if they wanted to "swing." And surprisingly, or maybe not surprisingly to some of you, there were lots of people that seemed interested in doing so! Have we become a society that is so used to doing multiple things at once that this now also translated to other people? Have we really lost that loving feeling so much that sharing your lover for the night makes your relationship better?

And ladies, don't get all crazy and think it was just the guys that found this appealing. It was in fact, more interesting to most of the women more so than the men! A few of the men were actually pretty freaked out by the mention of it. Now, I know finding men that think foreplay is more than just saying "you're hot" is hard to come by these days but girls if he is that uninteresting in the bedroom don't just share him to make it better, get rid of him.

I may be in the wrong for juggling my makeup and driving my car at the same time but I can't say I would like to have my bedroom look like a smaller version of a pickup basketball game. This girl still would rather play one on one! I say stick with love and lust will come! If the lust is gone you have stopped actively being in love with the other person. Work on that, not on adding someone else.

Love at First Sight?

Do you believe in love at first sight? Or does the thought of it just make you want to go blind? Do you think it's possible to know the minute you meet someone, or even see someone, that they are the one? Is there such thing as a soul mate? When it comes to love is your vision 20/20?

There is the type that fall too easily for someone. One of my friends asks women to move in after what seems to be no longer than that one initial week of hot and fiery lust. Another one who goes on one good date and already has the next ten years lined up with what she is going to do with this new companion. It seems improbable that we could know that we can sustain a long term relationship with someone we don't even know. So, is it about gazing into someone's eyes, or do you need to see things in the same direction?

I personally don't know that I believe in love at first sight but about seven years ago I did have what I think was my closest experience. I was working at my office and had a serious boyfriend and was in what I considered a happy relationship. My boss walked into my office and started talking to me (and yes I had seen him before so it's not quite at first sight, again, this is my closest experience). He was talking but I didn't hear a word he was saying, instead I was having this all consuming wave of a feeling that right in front of me stood my whole future. I didn't know how or why but it wasn't like anything else I had ever felt. It wasn't tingly or necessarily romantic or flowery, but instead grounding and solid. It was like someone was just telling me what my future would be without any part of me participating in the decision.

So, how do we really know? Like I have always said...we don't. We can make a list of all the things we are looking for in someone and evaluate it each time we meet someone new. However, sometimes they meet all those criteria but the connection just isn't there no matter how much both parties wish it to be. Or conversely you meet someone that you have great chemistry with and sees your soul like no one ever has but doesn't have the same long term goals or family values. What is more important and how do you decide? At some point as much analyzing or evaluating as you can do... it comes down to one thing... a leap a faith... Albeit some of us take a little bigger, ok huge, leap than others. So I guess when it comes to love, it's not only about kissing a lot of frogs but it requires leaping like them too!

Always,
Isabella

Check out my new column, Fifty First Dates, in Switch this week.

Risque Relationship Routines

Sure there are lots of risks when you are on the dating or singles scene but lately I have realized how Risqué it can be to be committed. Funny I use the word committed, as some of the people I've talked to in relationships lately might as well commit themselves to the nearest psych ward or seriously have their head examined.

As a free, white and single woman (as I often refer to myself as) I had an AWESOME summer! I started the season having lots of things that I wanted to do; a summer bucket list so to speak. I feel so fortunate and alive. In the short 3 months we call summer in Maine, I got to do all of the following( and then some):

Golf with Dad for the 1st time - so special.
25 mile bike ride with the posse in an area I never explored before - Happy Memorial Day!
Stand up comedy show at the Hampton Beach Casino - Carlos Mencia, way funny.
Took my best friend from out of town kayaking around Cousins Island to see the seals and got caught out in the middle of the bay in a thunderstorm in the process… always a story buddy.
A night out at Rick's Café in Naples to see a great band - where I danced until my shoe literally broke in two!
The Portland Fireworks from a boat in Casco Bay for the 1st time.
2 trips to Boston with friends - Lost in Paris we love you.
2 trips to Portsmouth out on the town - the Nachos at Pocos ROCK.
Enjoyed watching my friend play her first summer of music gigs at many different venues - I'll always be your 1st manager.
Went for a ride on a Harley with a gorgeous guy - you know who you are.
Saw a live production at the Maine State Theater with my Mom - left me ALL SHOOK UP.
Had a family reunion at my new house - the whole Jersey clan and the house is still standing.
Had my twin nieces' birthday pool party at my house - accompanied by the Hannah Montana shaped cake they requested I make them, mission accomplished! My next career, I swear.
Surfing for the 1st time - thanks to my fabulous instructor!
Lots and lots of BBQs, pool and beach time with many fantastic people - I Love and Cherish all of you.

THEN, when I talked to some of my friends in relationships to see how their summers went and what they did, the list was short:

Worked
Slept

So why are so many of us in such a hurry to be in a relationship and why do so many of us give up our life when we are? Shouldn't the relationship enhance our lives not hold it back? I realize it is natural to slow down a little bit and change some of the activities we do, particularly hanging out in bars to all hours of the night. But you don't see a lot of that on my list of things that were important to me…there is so much to do and so much that life has to offer. It doesn't have to be extravagant, I've done that all too. This summer didn't consist of the luxurious trips to far away places or hip cities for me but it was made special by living in the moment and taking advantage of all the great things we have right here surrounding us in Portland or close by locations.

Nor was my summer spent with just one special person (maybe that will come someday) but instead was enjoyed and enhanced by SO MANY wonderful people, all that are unique to me for the different things they bring to my life.

Love is not a limited supply. It truly is endless. You don't have to limit it just because you are in a relationship (not saying making love, just love). So when you do find that one true love, or if you already have, don't lose the most important person (you) and all the activities and other people you love for other reasons. Keep living; don't fall into the relationship routine. And if you haven't found that special someone, love the one you're with!

Forever,
Isabella