This past weekend I was talking with a good friend of mine who is about to embark on some changes in her relationship that could be a little scary and uncertain but in her case for the betterment of the long term relationship. We chuckled (better than crying) about how at times we seem to be in transition and how that time is so awkward and confusing. She mentioned that everyone writes books about relationships and break-ups but not necessarily what to do or how to relate to that dreaded transition time. Well maybe if you have read Eat Pray Love they do, if you want to go spend weeks in an Ashram in India and practice hours or days of silence... not for me personally!

So this is my "Now What?" blog for my good friend... or the best I can do as I have often (and as many of my friends know, all too often) found myself in transition. I am counting on all of you to add your own comments about what you have learned or what you hate about your transitions.

I hate to waste time so I always feel like transition time is wasted time. I always just want to get to the other side. As my Mom always says, "You can't just go around it or skip it; you HAVE TO GO THROUGH IT!" For good, bad or ugly. You must go through it. I know that a lot of you may feel like me and may be stomping your feet and throwing a fit, but its necessary.

So whatever your transition is coming from, a looming or recent divorce, a job change, a new living arrangement, a problem with a friend, an uncertain or ending relationship, give yourself permission or (as I have to do) force yourself to wait and see how you will feel. Don't be afraid of what may or may not happen. We expend a lot of energy, concern, stress, anxiety maybe even hair loss for some by worrying about all the ways certain things may play out. Get out of the "busy brain" syndrome and realize whatever is going to be is going to be. So much easier said than done I know. No, really, I know.

So now what? How do you stop yourself from doing that? The same old tricks that you used to use to get through these things aren't working. "Then stop using tricks, do the real thing,” a wise friend said to me recently. I realized in that moment those tricks, throwing myself into something, work, exercise, friends, etc, albeit all good things, were just another way of trying to go around the issue and not having to go through it.

I know we all want every day to be a super positive one. I truly do believe that what you put out to the universe you get back. But hell, give yourself a break sometimes. I think the expectations we set for ourselves are often so much higher than what we would for anyone else. So, if you've been through something tough recently and just need to retract to the cave for a bit to lick your wounds... do it and don’t feel like you are missing anything. My sister would tell you, it's a process not an event. So be good to yourself and patient with yourself. Ahh, patience, my favorite, NOT. But so necessary. Often we get upset by what others don't do and we really haven't even given them a chance to before we sabotage it and condemn them for not doing so... ok that's a whole other blog, sorry off on a tangent. Focus on you and forget what others are doing are not doing. Make what you feel are the right choices so that when you put your head on that pillow at the end of the night, you feel good about who you are and how you have conducted yourself. Let the rest be. I heard a good quote the other day… do your best and God (or whatever you believe in) will do the rest.

And when you are ready to venture out of the cave and look for the next thing pick only the most positive people to spend your time with. There are so many of them out there and you will find them and the best spiritual or psychological motivation in the places you never thought you would.

Isabella