This author's gone undercover to check out what's going on under the covers in Portland.
July 14, 2008
No Bull
To bull or not to bull? Bull riding that is... or more specifically mechanical bull riding. Can't say I am a huge fan or a fan at all. This is one of the many gimmicks places such as Club Texas, The Stadium and now the new Jimmy the Greeks is doing to attract people to gallop on in to their establishment for some very classy entertainment. The goal ultimately, to sell more to the clients. Good idea, let's sell them lots of food and drinks, throw them up on a bull, turn it on high and see what happens! Could be a recipe for disaster; hope they have a good cleaning crew.
Now, I know what the guys are going to say and maybe even some of the girls. That this is somehow a turn on or sexy. NOT! I don't argue that the real deal would be. Who could turn down a guy or girl who is willing to strap on and have a real breathing, snorting, kicking, crazy animal between their legs (and I'm not talking about your last hot date, a real bull)? And let's face it, even if you are not a big country fan, no girl can resist a hot cowboy.
But, this is different. It's a mechanical bull. No head, (ok this one in the photo does have a head but most I have seen in the bars don't) no tail, just a middle. And, on top of that due to all the liability issues, the clubs/bars that offer this have to put this wonderful blow up mat/ring around the bull, I call it the big pool (because it looks like those inflatable pools that people put in their back yard... oh and FYI, I wouldn't be caught dead with one of those in my back yard either).
So how sexy is it when you get thrown off the bull and roll around in the waterless pool? Really hot...lol. Honestly, I am pretty game for just about anything but this is just not on the list. And to add to the non-sexiness you can't wear your shoes. Because of course, they don't want you to pop the pool! Come on! Half of the sex appeal for women is seeing a guy in a pair of cowboy boots not seeing a guy in his socks in the middle of a poor man's pool on a headless, tailless bull. And guys, seriously, we know you are simple, but really, this does it for you? Ok, why do I even ask... of course it does. Then again, what doesn't? Oh yeah, the baby doll shirts that make the girls look pregnant, the capris and the crocs that I wrote about in the last entry! Oh but if the girl wearing all of those was riding the bull, then it would be hot, right? Mercy! Let me get my hip waders on cause the Bullshit's getting a little high.
Oh no, I just found a song on myspace about bikini bull riding! http://vidsearch.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=37854905 . God help us if they start that around here any time soon or ever... but then again, in a weird way it fits since everyone winds up in the big blow up pool anyway. Why don't they just add some water or foam and make it even better, I mean cheezier.
Isabella
Comments
Having tried the bull a few years ago I can see how not having tried it, it seems like a good idea. And while my bull attempt was fairly successful, and I didn't embarass myself, and my friends who did it with me had fun too, it's not something I'm chomping at the bit to do again. :) It's a novelty, but not something I think it going to sustain any establishment for long. Good, moderately priced drinks, excellent food, friendly bar and waitstaff, solid entertainment, and a pool table or two are my favorite attributes of a good bar these days. :) I don't ask for much!
Posted by AndreaJuly 16, 2008 01:42 PM
True it is a bit ridiculous, but as you women are all too well aware, we men are simple creatures. Anything that gets a woman to wrap her thighs around something and bounce around for all to see is down right entertaining!
Posted by DavidJuly 18, 2008 02:50 PM
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I understand the bar owners thought process, have something unique that distinguishes your establishment from the other 1,029 bars in Portland. While certainly more of a spectator sport for my tastes, the bull seems to have some appeal of drawing a young and very thirsty crowd to several local watering holes.
However, like cheap anonymous sex, I’m not sure what the long term draw for such gimmicks like these is. After you’ve embarrassed yourself in front of your friends, or god forbid your lover, what is the draw to “mount the bull” for a second or nineteenth time to subject yourself to the whim of a pimply faced kid with an attitude controlling the bull’s ever increasingly menacing intentions? Do multiple rides extol the competitive nature of the rider or have we learned that such individuals have only the tolerance and ability to enjoy life in fifteen second increments?
Life’s true pleasures are to be savored and enjoyed. I’ll leave the bull to Portland’s army of minutemen (and ladies) and seek more satisfying indulgences with my lover somewhere else.
Posted by a lost soulJuly 15, 2008 08:14 AM