Sexpectations

What are people's sexpectations??? God sometimes I wish I knew! I was out with some friends at the Ice Bar Party Saturday night at the Portland Harbor Hotel and I mentioned something about a booty call. One of my friends promptly interjected that she never gets the booty call only calls from guys to come over and watch movies. Ok, what are the sexpectations there as I promptly replied “hellooooo, that IS the booty call!"

It's clear that we all have a different interpretation of what is the right sexual etiquette. Is it ok for people to expect to have sex on the second or third date? Or does it mean you’re promiscuous if you have sex on the first date? Should you act on the booty call? Is our culture leading to more Risqué Business and if you don't participate in that more aggressive behavior will people not accept you or desire you as much? Or do old traditional values still prevail when the relationship merits putting in the time and effort and if so, how do you know when that is the case? What are the rules and when do they apply?

I could ponder this indefinitely. Ultimately we each need to set our own sexpectations. If you are a responsible adult and want to enjoy sex regularly, then do it. If you are not comfortable with something then abstaining can be equally as provocative and sexy. Gone seem to be the days when one set of rules should dictate all. As Madonna says Express Yourself. Be confident in whatever your decision is and communicate it freely to the person or people you are involved with. And just as much as the one set of rules does not fit all theory the same goes for one set of rules isn't what you need to adopt absolutely. You may have some people that come into your life that you choose to be more liberal with your sexual adventures and other people or times that you choose to be more reserved or guarded. Whatever you choose, communicate what you want and be responsible and safe not only physically but emotionally in your choices. Remember whether your male or female sex is at its best when the two parties involved have the same sexpectations! Enjoy!

Do you need Sex to be Sexy?

As I sat there watching the eighth, ok maybe it was the tenth, episode of America's Next Top Model Saturday night it occurred to me... do you need to be having sex to be or feel sexy? Tyra Banks was judging all the girls and criticizing them for not being sexy enough in their photos or not being able to portray lust when it comes out that some of the girls have never even had a boyfriend! My immediate thought was well of course they can't show that expression they have never truly experienced it and even though they may try to imitate what they have seen via other mediums they can't possibly exude sex if they have never had it.

As I further pondered this issue it made me question.. What about the rest of us that have had sex? Do we look and convey more sex appeal when we are currently having sex? And how that can become one of those yet again vicious, or maybe not so vicious if you are having it, cycles we get into in life. So if you aren't currently in a sexual relationship you don't feel sexy and therefore don't portray it or attract it, leading to even less sex. And, if so, how do you break out of the pattern.

Well the next morning in my kitchen I found the answer. You DANCE! Dancing has got to be the next best thing to sex! Come on guys you too can do it and probably do secretly like to dance...admit it, or if nothing else like to watch women do it. There I was in my kitchen doing my dishes and dancing around like a crazy woman to Britney Spears’ new Blackout (appropriately named yet good nonetheless) album. And despite the baggy sweatpants (that's a whole other song) and crazy bed head hair was feeling quite sexy.

So get out there, or stay in, but whatever the case... just dance. Dance and be sexy even if you are not having sex currently. Even if you do it when no one is looking, like in the shower, the tanning booth (just don't knock it over), or the mirror in your bedroom, I guarantee it will snap you out of that funk. Like they say, fake it until you make it. And for those of you already dancing, I know what you've been up to!

Sex in the Not So Big City

Does size matter?

Size of the city you live in that is! Does the size of the city you live in matter when it comes to sex? Is it a direct relationship, the smaller the city the less opportunities to have that intimate connection? Or is it an inverse relationship, the lack of other things to do (or maybe sheer boredom at times) lending way to more time between the sheets? What is the ratio of women to men or men to women? What is the protocol to date ones own relative, how many degrees of seperation should there be? How do you juggle the dating scene when everywhere you go you run into someone else you are dating or have dated? Does it help you or hurt you when each time you find someone that catches your attention one of your friends already knows them?

I'm setting out to get up close and personal with this subject and the state of the sex drive of our little city. You never know when I might be watching or listening so I have assumed the identy of Isabella Ferraira to investgate just what risque business you are all up to!