Still a Virgin?

Are you still a virgin? Maybe you’re not in the traditional sense but maybe there is something risqué that you have never done? What is your sexual bucket list? Is there some special place you would like to try something intimate or is there something that somehow passed you by and now you are too embarrassed to admit that at your age you’ve never tried it or you should now how to do? Perhaps you want to try that exhilarating ride in the elevator, show up somewhere in just a trench coat or join the famous mile high club. Maybe it’s not even that extravagant or naughty and you just want to know how to do something simple like how to put a condom on your partner.

I am sure we all have thought about these unknown experiences. And if you do want to bite the bullet (or anything else for that matter) should you try these new things with someone new or someone you have been with before? Also, should you keep it to yourself or should you tell the person you are going to try this new feat with to avoid any confusion, awkwardness and/or to help give you some guidance?

Luckily for some of you that think you have tried it all sexually, you can still be considered a virgin. According to Wikipedia, virginity in its modern usage is also applied informally to non-sexual matters. For example, someone who has never gone skydiving might be referred to as a skydiving virgin, (one type of virgin I will remain forever!) It is also commonly used in reference to purity; unalloyed metal is sometimes described as virgin, and olive oil is called virgin or extra-virgin if it comes from the first pressing and contains no refined oil. Wow! Extra-virgin, can we classify some people as that? I knew a few real prissy ones in high school or college that would have fit that description.

I am on a personal quest to conquer some of my virginity. Whether it’s sexually or otherwise, I’ll never tell… ok, maybe I will (you’ll have to keep reading my blog to find out). What cherry will you pop this year? Take out your Madonna cd, crank up Like A Virgin and make your mental list. Then get out there and experience life. And if tomorrow at work someone looks at you a little strange in the elevator, look out, they may be working on a list of their own!

Sometimes the Best Way to Get Over Someone is...

“After all, baby, remember what they say- sometimes the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.”

Isn’t that the truth! These are the words of a wise man, Richard from Texas, in Elizabeth Gilbert’s popular book, eat, pray, love. And, I totally agree. Far more often it’s not how we feel about the other person we are hung up on but rather how they make us feel about ourselves that makes us get weak in the knees, warm in the heart or totally psycho obsessed. So, when things fall apart and we have to go through that god awful period of time to get over someone we seem to be stuck on, doesn’t it make sense to try to find someone else that makes us feel good?

Our ego’s rule more of our happiness than we often admit. We all need that ego stroked. Our need to feel wanted and to please or pleasure someone else rules most of our being, for good, bad or ugly. Why not put yourself in a position to feel these needed emotions? If you’re getting over someone the fact is that your self esteem will be down due to a lack of feeling desired. Why not find someone else that will help pump you up? When your instinctual needs have not been being met it is impossible to make practical decisions…which are what any long term relationship requires. You won’t have the patience or desire to wait for a table at a fine dining restaurant when you haven’t eaten all day… McDonald’s may suffice since you are completely starving. Don’t place your order for your next soul make like you’re ordering a Happy Meal.

Get those basic needs met first! It’s human nature. Go out, be around positive people. Flirt, converse, take some calculated risks. Enjoy being the center of attention. Make plans to get to know some new players and get an opportunity to put them up to bat. Don’t plan on falling in love, just enjoy the ride. Once your animal instincts are fulfilled and you get the confidence back up you will realize there are plenty of opportunities to audition new people for that leading role in your life. Only then will you be in a better position to make a sensible long term choice. And what the heck, you may have a lot of fun in the process. Or just a lot of stories to share with your friends!

She Said/He Said

In the never ending quest to get inside the mind of the opposite sex myself and one of the other gender, who would like to be referred to as "as cool as the other side of the pillow," answered your burning questions about sex, love and dating. You may be as suprsied as I was about how similiar some of our answers were but maybe even more so in how much he vs. she had to say!

How do you feel about lingerie? Should women wear it or is it just in the way?

She Said: I love lingerie. The best part is when a man picks it out for you and looks forward to seeing you wear it for him. That’s hot and even if it only stays on a short time is worth every minute.

He Said: Definitely JUST IN THE WAY. Although, if it makes her feel good to wear it than rock on! Just don’t go over board and spend tons of money – guys like their woman practical.

Does the point in which you have sex with someone when you first meet determine how you feel about them?

She Said: Yes. Although having sex early on can purely show that you are both genuinely attracted to each other it does make you wonder if the other party enters into the same endeavors with other people so quickly or if you are really are specially.

He Said: Very few times can you have sex with someone within the first few weeks or first few dates and not wonder – does she do this with everyone? If there is legitimate interest on the part of both sexes to actually date and not just hook up, than you have to wait a bit for the sake of both of your feelings. I know if a girl hooks up with me right off, I question how often she does this and now lose a bit of respect. There are rare occasions when things just click – but I wouldn’t bet my entire “sexual endeavors” savings account on it.

What are 3 sex tips you would give the opposite sex?

She Said: 1. Know what makes the other person tick. Don’t assume that something that turns on one person does it for everyone. 2. Faster or harder doesn’t always mean better, slow and sensual has lots of benefits too. 3. learn what you can about the other sex, read Cosmo, Maxim, etc.

He Said: I can’t write what I would really want to say on this blog. The answers would be the same for 1-3 and I think you can guess what they may be. In the meantime let’s try this:

1. I think every guys fantasy is to wake up to a little surprise in the morning. Although it requires that you spend the night, at least do him the courtesy of paying him back for the nice comfy bed and the warm body.
2. Don’t fake it – that’s the worst thing any woman can do. Because one day the guy will find out and he will be crushed after telling all his buddies how good he is. Help him, guide him, and it will be better for both of you.
3. Be a morning person. Although I know it can be tough and it kind of goes along with number one, if you can get into it in the morning he will be forever grateful and will have the must positive outlook on the day. Meanwhile, if you try, you may be surprised how much you actually enjoy it and start you day off better than raisin bran.

Does your partner’s enjoyment vs. your own equally turn you on in bed?

She Said: Absolutely. Knowing that I have the power to excite someone else to that degree is very empowering and gratifying. It doesn’t replace your own pleasure but adds to it.

He Said: Without a doubt. My ego is bigger than anything I have (no pun intended) and to know I am pleasing her like no one ever has is the BIGGEST turn on there is. But don’t get too caught up. If you concentrate too hard on making her happy, you will start to forget about yourself and eventually make it not as enjoyable overall.

Do you think wearing some clothes is more sexy than completely nude?

She Said: Yes! Show only what’s attractive and leave the rest to the dark or the unknown. Leaving a little to the imagination is tantalizing and may be better than the real thing.

He Said: Absolutely not. No further elaboration.

What’s more important sex or love?

She Said: Both! Being in love with someone makes the sex that much more intimate and therefore better. But the sex is equally important as if it isn’t good honestly, I don’t know if you fall in love.

He Said: At which point in your life? LOL Love without a doubt. When you have love you have sex, but when you have sex you don’t necessarily have love.

At what point is it expected or comfortable to invite someone to your home?

She said: This is an individual choice and may be different with each person you meet. Use good judgment. Watch for red flags… also it depends on what you are looking for. If you are not worried about the longevity of the relationship and are just looking for some intimacy you may do this sooner but be smart and be safe.

He Said: If you are a guy, invite her over after a couple weeks of dating, not just a span of two weeks of knowing her – you don’t want to creep her out. Girls – wait a little longer. Whenever you are actually comfortable with the guy and feel you know him enough than you make the call.

After how many sexual encounters is it safe to become a little experimental?
She said: This depends on the person you are with and the level of trust and comfort you have with them. You should be able to read the other person’s reactions, body language and cues to now when it’s ok to move into uncharted territory. But definitely don’t jump into this too soon.

He Said: 30 – that’s a solid month of encounters if you were actually lucky enough to do it every night. After this all the kinks should be out of the way. Once that comfort level comes in have at it. Ladies, make that first move. Guys are up for anything – trust me. They just need a little guidance because they don’t want to do anything they believe you could see as degrading.