Now What?

This past weekend I was talking with a good friend of mine who is about to embark on some changes in her relationship that could be a little scary and uncertain but in her case for the betterment of the long term relationship. We chuckled (better than crying) about how at times we seem to be in transition and how that time is so awkward and confusing. She mentioned that everyone writes books about relationships and break-ups but not necessarily what to do or how to relate to that dreaded transition time. Well maybe if you have read Eat Pray Love they do, if you want to go spend weeks in an Ashram in India and practice hours or days of silence... not for me personally!

So this is my "Now What?" blog for my good friend... or the best I can do as I have often (and as many of my friends know, all too often) found myself in transition. I am counting on all of you to add your own comments about what you have learned or what you hate about your transitions.

I hate to waste time so I always feel like transition time is wasted time. I always just want to get to the other side. As my Mom always says, "You can't just go around it or skip it; you HAVE TO GO THROUGH IT!" For good, bad or ugly. You must go through it. I know that a lot of you may feel like me and may be stomping your feet and throwing a fit, but its necessary.

So whatever your transition is coming from, a looming or recent divorce, a job change, a new living arrangement, a problem with a friend, an uncertain or ending relationship, give yourself permission or (as I have to do) force yourself to wait and see how you will feel. Don't be afraid of what may or may not happen. We expend a lot of energy, concern, stress, anxiety maybe even hair loss for some by worrying about all the ways certain things may play out. Get out of the "busy brain" syndrome and realize whatever is going to be is going to be. So much easier said than done I know. No, really, I know.

So now what? How do you stop yourself from doing that? The same old tricks that you used to use to get through these things aren't working. "Then stop using tricks, do the real thing,” a wise friend said to me recently. I realized in that moment those tricks, throwing myself into something, work, exercise, friends, etc, albeit all good things, were just another way of trying to go around the issue and not having to go through it.

I know we all want every day to be a super positive one. I truly do believe that what you put out to the universe you get back. But hell, give yourself a break sometimes. I think the expectations we set for ourselves are often so much higher than what we would for anyone else. So, if you've been through something tough recently and just need to retract to the cave for a bit to lick your wounds... do it and don’t feel like you are missing anything. My sister would tell you, it's a process not an event. So be good to yourself and patient with yourself. Ahh, patience, my favorite, NOT. But so necessary. Often we get upset by what others don't do and we really haven't even given them a chance to before we sabotage it and condemn them for not doing so... ok that's a whole other blog, sorry off on a tangent. Focus on you and forget what others are doing are not doing. Make what you feel are the right choices so that when you put your head on that pillow at the end of the night, you feel good about who you are and how you have conducted yourself. Let the rest be. I heard a good quote the other day… do your best and God (or whatever you believe in) will do the rest.

And when you are ready to venture out of the cave and look for the next thing pick only the most positive people to spend your time with. There are so many of them out there and you will find them and the best spiritual or psychological motivation in the places you never thought you would.

Isabella

Cinco de Mayo or is it Mayi?

May I see your naked photos on your cell phone that is? This was the predicament (well maybe it wasn’t a predicament) I found myself in on Cinco de Mayo this past week and, in fact, enough times recently that I had to write about it. What kind of Risqué world are we now living in that even I, to my friend’s shock, carry around naked photos of myself on my cell phone? When did we all become so needy for our egos to be constantly stroked that we show them to perfect strangers looking for the almighty “oh yeah …that’s hot” comment? And how did it become common place that after a man has been “hanging out,“ no pun intended, with you for some period of time, long or short (the time that is), that he feels the need to send a photo of his male essence to your cell phone? Presently I have two stored on my phone that were sent to me recently!

When did such Risqué Business become so common place? For me it was just last week.

There I was at Margaritas with the girls for Cinco De Mayo minding my own business with a Corona Light (the light was justification for the next) and the Nachos Cowabunga (at least they aren’t the ones I hear are served in Costa Rica, called Nachos As Big As Your Ass!) and in walks trouble. It’s really true if you’ve watched the secret, the laws of attraction are at work all the time. I’m just keeping to myself but apparently my brain is omitting “trouble,” probably based on an encounter from the previous weekend (that we will now and forever refer to as the unspeakable, see last blog X-orcism). So where does “trouble” wind up? Parking his ass right down next to me as if to say, hello babe… I am the devil himself, just what your brain has been thinking about. And the facts start to unfold… He’s a cop, hmmm this is my MO for sure, Coast Guard, Navy Pilot, Cop, Army, Marines, my “favorite” type. And his name is Mike… now for those who know me and one of my best friends who actually wrote me a song call the Mike song, you would see how ironic or not ironic this really is, refer to previously mentioned unspeakable and many other by the same name. Ok, that’s 2 strikes. The conversation and the game play volleys back and forth to see who can intrigue the other the most at this point, bad boy vs. bad girl, I’m all in. “So, let me see your badge,” I say. He flips it open and hands it to me. And there it is, the last strike, his last name is the same as previously mentioned Navy Pilot above, my sister would refer to as the fly boy, I dated a couple summers back. Man, I am such a magnet! But do I fold? Nope, stakes are higher more now then ever… and then the question comes from the Officer, “Would you like to see my naked photos on my phone?” Wow, he really needs some reassuring. Visually one would not think so, however I have find those guys that look like they don’ t need the constant encouraging, really are the ones that do, that’s why they look the way they do, to make them feel secure. Anyway, to his surprise, I launch back, “do you want to see mine” and the school time game of “I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours” is in full gear. He ends the encounter by programming my number into his phone and calling my phone so I have his. That last ritual that so many of us do even though we know neither one of us will act on it. And the game goes on…. But who knows maybe he will use my number to send me the remaining photo I need to for my phone to be the perfect trifecta of manhood!