The beach can be a scary place.

You'd think it'd be relaxing - reclining in the sand, listening to the methodic rumble of the waves. Maybe knocking down another couple of pages from that 99 cent novel you've been reading for the past two years.

Then a shout distracts you from your book/gossip magazine/nap and you look up to find yourself uncomfortably close to a heavy-set Canadian in an ultra-thin Speedo.

I imagine hikers who come across a bear in the woods experience the same mixed feelings of distress and amazement as such a beach vision incites: You spot the meandering creature and hold deathly still - not even breathing - for fear you may catch its attention. You're frightened, to be sure, but can't get yourself to stop looking. Finally, when it has moved far enough away - is just a speck in the distance - you turn to your cohorts and exclaim, "Did you SEE that?"

But sometimes you meet the eyes of something much less frightening. Sometimes, when you're innocently scanning the beach, you may see that there's a fellow watching you. He's smiling, so you smile back, and then you get shy and look away. But inevitably you look again and he's still staring and smiling. So you go over and introduce yourself and he doesn't say anything. He's shy, too, you think, which is, like, so adorable.

So you talk to him awhile and he's such a good listener and he never interrupts and you think, "This guy is so perfect!" You find a pen somewhere and write your number on his arm and say, "Call me" or something lame like that and when you get back to your spot on the beach you take a picture with your camera phone so you can show your friends this awesome guy you just met who might actually be "The One."