Things to do in Southern Maine, investigated personally and described by Shannon Bryan
(with only slight amounts of exaggeration, digression and references to ostraconophobia).
July 18, 2007
Speeding, evading police and other things not to do while naked
The Lewiston Sun Journal ran a story yesterday about a naked woman who was pulled over for speeding. She and a (clothed) male passenger claimed they had been in the woods and her clothes washed away in a stream. Riiiiiiight.
But it doesn't end there. Woman tells the officer she has to pee. Officer says "follow my vehicle." Instead, male passenger gets behind the wheel and blows past the officer, weaves into oncoming traffic and eventually comes to a stop before running over "stop sticks."
Shockingly, both the naked woman and her friend had apparently been drinking. Never saw that coming.
Admittedly, it's a fuzzy line that differentiates when it is and when it isn't OK to be naked. I think we've all felt the embarrassment of walking into, say, a grocery store and realizing, oops, no one else is naked.
So here are a few nudity guidelines. Follow them if you wish. Or don't.
When it is and isn't OK to be naked:
In the bathroom...
...taking a shower: OK
...passed out on the floor at Bull Fenney's: Not OK
In the mall...
...in the dressing room: OK
...in the shoe department: Not OK
In the kitchen...
...toasting bread: OK
...deep frying anything: Not OK
Showing up at the neighbors
...if they're nudists: OK
...any other time: Not OK
Swimming...
...in a private pool: OK
...at Fun Town/Splash Town USA at noon on a Saturday: Not OK
Jumping...
...into bed: OK
...rope: Not OK
Posing...
...for an art class: OK
...in front of a web cam sent to you in the mail by a new "friend" you met online: Not OK
Comments
And, up til now, I was having a bad day! Thanks! PS I'm naked under a house coat. Had to open the blinds.
Posted by SHARONJuly 18, 2007 10:15 AM
What a HOOT(ER)!!! Great way to start my morning.
Now, too bad I didn't know all those "rules" a long time ago! 'Course, would have missed out on a lot of great neighborhood get togethers, or that OUTSTANDING PERSONAL SERVICE I always got at the shoe store.
Of course, I might add that there is one MORE rule...AFTER A CERTAIN AGE (you fill in the "certain" for yourself) NAKED is simply NOT OK! Of course, NOBODY LOOKS ANYWAY, so who cares!
SYNOF (well beyond that "certain age!"
Posted by SYNOFJuly 18, 2007 10:29 AM
OMG - I just discovered your blogs and need to be sure I read them frequently! It's the best read I've had in a long time! Great job!
Posted by HopeJuly 18, 2007 10:40 AM
I just finished reading the SunJournal story:
"'[officer] Hall approached the car[for speeding], he found that the driver, Patricia Buck, 61, was not wearing clothes....Buck said that she needed to use a bathroom'"
----- In those type of books on 'how to avoid getting a ticket',one of top 10 things to say to an officer is 'you had to go the bathroom'.
"Although[who took over driving]Litchfield had a suspended Maine license, he did possess a valid Virginia license.
--In many states,if your driving license is suspended,ALL other state driving licenses to drive in the state are INVALID too in the state.
"both charged with operating under the influence and driving to endanger. Litchfield was also charged with operating after suspension and failure to stop for a police officer...Litchfield was given a $500 unsecured bail"
--In many states the defendant(s) under these accused offenses would be brought into the courtroom in shackles and likely given a much higher bail considering thier vehicle was registered and licenses were from outofstate.
"'pulled over in a 1985 Volvo sedan'"
---Hmmmmm. Typical moonbat vehicle. Makes me believe they were telling the truth about being in the woods with no clothes on.
Posted by Reader-Portland-Boston,MEJuly 18, 2007 10:52 AM
certain age is right. And so is "no one is looking anymore"
Thought I hated the new Mainetoday but loving it more every minute!
ps is that repeat the code thing an eye test or what?
July 18, 2007 11:09 AM
Here's someone who can use your guidance:
http://marklaflamme.com/blog/?p=450
(Don't worry. Page safe for work)
Posted by DukeJuly 18, 2007 11:23 AM
You mean I have to stop jumping rope!!!!!!!!!!!! It can be fun to watch depending who and how slow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by DougJuly 18, 2007 04:27 PM
The two minutes wasted was my time reading that.Is that the best you can do? Do you get paid do this? If so, I want a job there. Easy money or what!!
Posted by paJuly 19, 2007 07:47 AM
I feel indebted to this lady. It's stories like this that make the paper worth reading.
Posted by NARFJuly 22, 2007 10:43 PM
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Shannon, this just made my day. I am glad you clarified these rules because I was just thinking about doing some deep frying. You save my life.....or at least some very embarrassing burns.
Posted by RobJuly 18, 2007 09:06 AM