Things to do in Southern Maine, investigated personally and described by Shannon Bryan
(with only slight amounts of exaggeration, digression and references to ostraconophobia).
August 20, 2007
Words mean different things when spoken near a porta-potty
Otherwise harmless phrases take on entirely new -- and malodorous -- meanings depending on where you're standing when you hear them.
If you were, say, standing next to a gas pump and someone called out, "It's full," you'd understand it as an innocuous acknowledgement that someone has a full tank of gas or oil or whatever.
If you were standing outside a grocery store near a Salvation Army donation bucket and an elderly woman looked into the pot and exclaimed, "It's full!" you might be impressed with the monetary collection (but you'd still try to shove a dollar in anyway so you could say you helped).
But if you were at Baystock, apprehensively standing in a line for a porta-potty (acutely aware now of the downside to hanging out in the beer garden all evening) and a gentleman six people ahead of you steps out of the portable toilet and says"Um, yeah, it's full"...well, the phrase has entirely new implications.
If you were a guy, you might excuse yourself from the line in search of the nearest moderately dark corner (or just urinate off the pier next to the ice truck, as one man did).
If you were a girl, you might muse that holding it another hour wouldn't be completely impossible - and if you should pee your pants, would it really be THAT bad? You'd also come to understand why contraptions like the "Freshette" were developed.
I was moderately fortunate -- my line wasn't headed toward the "full" toilet. Even still, I wasn't optimistic. Any hope that did remain, however, was quashed when the woman in front of me stepped out of the porta-potty, kindy held the door and said, "Good luck."
I survived. My shoes, however, won't talk to me anymore.
Other things you don't want to hear in close proximity to a porta-potty:
"Oh my God."
"I've never seen anything like it."
"What IS that?"
"Somebody here today is apparently very ill."
Comments
hahaha I like this piece. I have a similiar story- I was at Harpoon's Octoberfest in Boston last year (which is basically a giant beer garden of delicious beer) and I was waiting to use the porta-potty when some guy finally comes out and states "uhhh I wouldn't go in there, it doesn't flush, I think it's broken". Drunk people and porta-pottys don't mesh well.
Posted by KellyAugust 20, 2007 09:53 AM
My Portapotty tip for the day: When portapotties are placed in a dark corner of a lot/field a cellphone sheds enough light to illuminate the entire puke covered interior. Always potty with a phone! It's saved my shoes/hands, etc a few times.
Posted by BrittAugust 20, 2007 10:26 AM
Britt - Excellent tip - though sometimes you're better off hovering in darkness and chanting, "it's just mud, it's just mud, it's just mud."
A phone with a strap would also be in order - I tend to drop things.
Posted by ShannonAugust 20, 2007 10:43 AM
Thanks, JC, for sharing this link and reminding me that it can always be worse:
Bears eat man at beer festival
Posted by ShannonAugust 20, 2007 12:19 PM
Even worse is what you sometimes hear inside from the unit next door. (And I have one firm involate rule in my life: no talking in the loo ever, no exceptions.) I had a friend once that set up shop in an LA loo right next to the immortal Carole Channing. At one point during the, ahem, procedings, Ms. Channing was heard to exclaim "Corn! Now, when did I eat that?!"
Happy dinner, all...
Posted by The Native TouristAugust 20, 2007 04:44 PM
It is interesting to note that this particular item has prompted what may be the largest number of response posts. Hummmmm. The worst would be, as happened to some poor DC cop back in about 70, (no I wasn't directly involved) to be in a portopotty that gets tipped over.
Posted by NarfAugust 20, 2007 10:18 PM
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The only thing worse is to look down and see someone staring up at you.....which you will recall actually happened at an out-house in a further Northern part of Maine a couple of years ago. The man claimed he was looking for his wedding ring. This sad tale actually made the national news when the man was arrested for lewd conduct....sad the reputation Maine has nationally. "Vacationland", OR "the land of perverts who hang out under outhouses".
Posted by AndreaAugust 20, 2007 08:43 AM