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Things to do in Southern Maine, investigated personally and described by Shannon Bryan
(with only slight amounts of exaggeration, digression and references to ostraconophobia).


October 13, 2008
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Roadside Maine: Now that's using your headstone

This time of year brings the leaf peepers in droves. Maine roads are congested with distracted drivers and swerving vehicles. And I don't blame them. Heck, I think I'm one of them.

But even after the leaves let go and the trees stand naked and cold across the state, there's still plenty to see on Maine's roadsides.

There are still the oddities: The random displays, the signs, the artwork, the woodwork, the painted houses, the junk made into something other than junk.

My coworker Wendy introduced me to Long Island's curiosities this summer, which include a parade of Barbie cars, a row of branch people sporting swimsuits and a large tree decorated with hanging bicycles.

And there's the roadside traffic jam, instigated by lady duck. Looks like somebody spent the night flashing her breasts for beads and is having trouble dealing with the shame and the hangover. You're angry at yourself, duck, stop deflecting your hostilities on other drivers.

[Wendy's Raising Maine entry on Long Island]

I appreciate homeowners who go out of their way to create some front-yard spectacle simply to entertain passersby.

Of course, then there are the roadside oddities that aren't intended to be roadside oddities. But there they are, on the road, being odd.

Like this innocuous monument company in Sanford. If you drive by, your peripheral vision might only register an array of granite and marble headstones, statues and the like. Things you won't (hopefully) need anytime soon.

heritagememorials_484.jpg

But if your eyes are trained to spot the strange...or if you have a bad habit of not watching the road when you're driving (because houses and trees and signs are honestly way more entertaining than asphalt)...then you might notice something interesting.

memorial_loveseat_484.jpg

A headstone. A loveseat. Both.

It makes sense, after all, that while you take the ultimate, eternal rest, your friends and family should be able to take a temporary load off too.

Maybe it's a ploy to encourage people to visit, like that kid in grade school who no one wanted to play with until the summer his parents installed a swimming pool.

I pondered what unique headstone I'd choose if I were trying to lure my friends and family to hang out at my grave site more often.

Marble ottoman? Maybe a granite sundae bar. Or a prehistoric pool table cut from stone.

I'm not coming up with anything too extraordinary yet. Let's hope it's a decision I won't have to make for a good, long time.

Posted by Shannon Bryan at 09:03 AM
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Comments

Now I know why Andrea always drives; it is far safer that way. Maybe you should get Maine Today to hire a driver for you to keep you safe.

Seems like kind of odd behavior to attribute to a duck. You're not projecting anything onto the duck are you?

Posted by Jonathan
October 13, 2008 09:50 AM

Well I dare say, Jonathan! I never! But way to pick out that one sentence in an entire blog entry on leaf peepers and headstones. He He.

And a driver would be nice, but my keen intuition tells me that my company might not have the extra cash to spend on chauffeurs. Besides, driving is half the fun, right? Well, until you sideswipe a parked car...

Posted by Shannon
October 13, 2008 10:02 AM

At the same headstone company in Sanford is now a big big buddah headstone. He's very smiley and happy and fat.

I might consider getting it cause it would be the ultimate in being next to the fat person to make yourself look skinny. FOR ETERNITY.

Posted by rachel
October 13, 2008 10:15 AM

To heck with the slabs of stone! I am going all the way people..a cozy feather bed right over my grave. People can snuggle up, watch the stars, toast me with champagne and leaf peep away...what's NOT to love? LOL

Of course a constantly tended fire with an endless supply of smores would be more my eternal resting mecca LOL

Posted by Victoria
October 13, 2008 10:19 PM

That's the first time anyone has ever alluded to my driving as "safe". LOL Jonathan, you obviously haven't driven with me lately....of course you're a lawyer so I'm sure the whiplash suit would stick! I think my tombstone should be a surfboard....yeah....I'm all over that. :)

Posted by Andrea
October 13, 2008 10:23 PM

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