It's true, things WILL be great when you're downtown.

At least on Thursday anyway, when Downtown Worker Appreciation Day fills the streets with gratitude, acknowledgment and best of all: free stuff.

Portland Downtown District and Portland Buy Local have teamed up to applaud the workers and workplaces that make Portland the bustling downtown that it is.

And the event couldn't have come at a better time.

The Journal of Invented Facts for Dramatic Effect recently published a study noting the striking impact employee underappreciation has on each aspect of the workplace, including worker performance, department productivity and cafeteria condiment supply levels.

The study, titled "Not Much Appreciated: The Correspondence between Worker Recognition and Freebie Hoarding," might enlighten company managers as to why workers often stockpile items (usually those of little to no value) when they are confronted with feelings of unappreciation.

"When an employee feels like he isn't getting enough acknowledgment from peers and/or superiors, she may be inclined to react passive-aggressively," stated study leader Noah Natoll, Ph.D., B.S. during a recent interview.

"She may go into the employee lunch room and take, say, fifty packets of sugar and a stack of Styrofoam cups. And it's not because she needs those cups or intends on using that sugar. Instead, it's her way of 'socking it to the man.'"

According to Dr. Natoll, even the most even-keel employee can quickly slip into a state of frenzied ketchup packet hoarding if work conditions don't meet certain levels of appreciation.

So, to my fellow Downtown Portland workers, I ask that you be proactive in the fight against workplace underappreciation. Seek out the three tables scattered throughout downtown Thursday morning. Find the PDD and Buy Local volunteers. Get your goodie bag of freebie items donated by local businesses.

Let's bring this workplace saboteur to a standstill.

Downtown Worker Appreciation Day details
[This event was originally scheduled for Wednesday but has been pushed to Thursday due to expected bad weather]