Ah yes, "absentminded."

Forgetful, preoccupied, amnesic.

Or maybe it's our brain's attempt to win Ashton Kutcher's favor by initiating mini mental episodes of "Punk'd."

But I tend to think that these cerebral blanks are just another ingredient in the lumpy batter of human imperfection.

We've all locked ourselves out of our apartment or blanked out in the middle of the grocery store.

We've all left the oven on overnight or driven the wrong way on a highway exit ramp.

And who hasn't sauntered out of the dressing room without their pants - at least once?

But lately, such episodes seem to have taken a severe turn for the worse.

Last Friday I opened my refrigerator to find a box of cereal on the top shelf. No big thing, except...where in Lucky Charms' name is the milk?

I found the elusive gallon hiding out in the cabinet - lukewarm and undrinkable next to a half-used packet of gravy.

Come to think of it, I'm not sure where that gravy came from either.

It's not the first time I've happened upon misplaced victuals.

I've discovered jelly in the cabinet and peanut butter in the fridge before (it occurred at the tail end of a two-week addiction to PB&J Saltine sandwiches. A childish snack, I admit, but it's comfort food for people who grew up in home where not a lot of "cooking" took place).

But the problem has spread from the kitchen.

On Monday morning, after my clock alarm awoke me to Mr. Nelson's "You were always on my mind" (there's irony here somewhere), I shuffled out of bed in half haze.

Despite being shrouded in the lingering effects of slumber, I felt the urgent need to brush my teeth. (For what it's worth, falling asleep with a cough drop in your mouth isn't a good idea. Most notably it's an obvious choking hazard, but even a sweetly flavored cherry drop will, by daybreak, advance normal morning breath into the realm of fatally toxic.)

So I grabbed my toothbrush, squeezed the tube onto the bristles and lifted it towards my pearlies. And just as the brush was about to greet my teeth it occurred to me: I was about to scrub my mouth with a generous helping of face wash.

Oops.

The tubes look awfully similar...in a not-at-all-similar kind of way.

I suppose I could blame it on an early morning stupor. And I could chalk up the milk/cereal swap to natural absentmindedness.

I'd like to excuse each of these minor transgressions.

But I'm not sure what do to with the latest mental lapse: the one where I (fully alert in the middle of the afternoon) attempted to plug my hairdryer into the handle of the toilet.

There's really nowhere I can go with that.

Now, if I could just remember why I sat down at my desk with a hammer and a bag of pumpkin seeds...