Chicks get everything.

In truth, it's almost unfair. Doors are routinely opened for them. Cops write "warnings" when a ticket is in order. Jurors suggest lesser sentences at their conspiracy-to-commit-murder trials.

Heck, these days they can even vote and own their own businesses.

And now, thanks to Ladies Night at the Maine Rock Gym, it seems women really are on top of the world (and the wall).

My colleague Karen is writing a piece on Women's Climbing Night for The Maine Switch and asked if I'd join her on the indoor rock wall expedition last Monday. "Sure," I'd said. "I've climbed there once before. No problem."

I'd forgotten how Fear, that tricky little squelcher of life, can creep up on you. I'd forgotten that dangling from a rope above a trustworthy belayer far, far (ok, not that far) below can still be frightening as all get-out, even if you swear you've done this before (I swear!).

So I met up with Karen at the rock gym on Marginal Way, where she was chatting up co-owner Keith Morris for all the Maine Rock Gym secrets.

First, the paper work. We both signed our lives away and agreed not sue should we sustain any injuries at the gym (including, but not limited to, broken limbs, cuts, scrapes, bee stings, snake bites and lightning strikes).

We donned the shoes, tying them snugly. We stepped into the harnesses, pulling them waistward and tightening them to point that ensured both safety and maximum pudge amplification.

Then the friendly Nick guided us through the basics.

He showed us how the person on the ground locks into the floor strap and holds the rope. He showed us how to pull up on the rope to prevent too much slack as the climber climbed. He showed us how to hold the end of the rope behind your back when it was time to let the climber down.

Then he asked, "So, who's climbing first?"

Silence.

I eventually volunteered (ie, Karen volunteered me), clipped my carabiner onto the rope and stepped to the wall. It was then that I took note of the message duct-taped there.

(Nick informed us that each climbing path had a name and difficulty rating. The names came from previous climbers who, at some point along the route, yelled out or made a comment about the path. The path name was then written down and taped to the wall.)

I read this one aloud, "From miserable to memorial in one move."

"It doesn't say that," Karen interrupted. "It says 'memorable' not 'memorial.'"

Ah, must be the mounting panic talking.

And onto the wall I went, grabbing on however possible and climbing my way up. As I neared the top, my hands began to sweat and shake and I could go no farther. Less that two more feet and I would've been able to hit the "Easy Button" mounted near the ceiling. But I couldn't. I wanted down.

Karen and I switched places and she, of course, went straight to the top. An electronic voice called out "That was easy."

So I made attempt number two. "Stairway to Heaven" started playing over the gym speakers. Nice.

But I made it to the top, thanks to a bit of friendly competition and some encouraging words from below (something like, "Oh, come on. Just do it for crying out loud).

Press Herald photographer Fred J. Field was in the gym snapping pictures for Karen's upcoming Switch article and even climbed the wall himself to get some "from above" shots. Very impressive with a couple of expensive cameras around his neck.

I think it was the camera's presence that kept me from crying.

Karen and I eventually moved on to other walls, our confidence growing with each one. We even undertook the climb that sends you swinging out from the wall after you reach the top.

It's very Tarzan and a hell of a time.

The Maine Rock Gym is a welcoming place for beginners - and a workout that stayed in my forearms and shoulders for at least three days.

It's open daily through the winter (closed Mondays in the summer) and has an array of programs for both indoor and outdoor climbing.
Check out www.merockgym.com for all the details.

Women's climbing night is on the 2nd and 4th Monday of every month starting July 1st through the spring from 7-9 pm. Cost: $7.50 for climbers pass, $5.00 for equipment rental and $5 for first-time instruction. No appointment is necessary.

If you can't make it Monday's, don't worry. Women are welcome to climb the dickens out that rock wall any time.