Remember when you were in high school and you threw that raucous shindig when your parents skipped town for the weekend?

It was a grand time, to be sure, until you surveyed the damage the morning after.

The lawn muddied and trampled. The floor sticky with spilled beer and…what is that? Nacho chips crammed into mom's potpourri containers. And of course the enormous, unexplained hole in the bathroom wall.

You had some 'splainin' to do when the folks got back. Suddenly the festivities didn't seem quite worth the impending repercussions.

Well, that's essentially how I feel about my body right now.

In essence, I haven't been very kind to my house lately.

Even the most elaborate of back-stories isn't going to excuse the disarray.

Instead we're looking at months of hard labor, reconstruction and probably a few apologies.

Scoff if you will. Continue to tell yourself that the closet's been playing a dirty game of size swap with your pants. Tell yourself a little shake in the middle is "in" this season (all your friends are wearin' 'em). Tell yourself that it's perfectly normal to be sore after carrying a gallon of milk through Hannaford.

But I'd venture to say that many of you understand my current predicament more than you'd care to admit. It's cool. It happens. There ain't no shame in it.

Well, maybe a little shame.

But I didn't come here to make you feel bad about you. That's your mother's job. Instead I came with an upside, a silver lining, a remedy for winter's unsightly aftereffects.

It's a contest MaineToday.com launched this morning (in conjunction with Head Games and The Landing) called Quest For Your Best.

The package includes 10 weeks of personal training, nutrition counseling, cardio strength and connected classes and reiki massage at The Landing. And for those who complete the program without skimping, cheating or otherwise going MIA, there's a Head Games makeover awaiting you.

MaineToday.com is picking four winners from the entries we receive in the next two weeks [check the contest page for entry details and a more comprehensive explanation of the program].

The winners will also be writing about their experience on MaineToday through the course of the 10 weeks.

And so will I, because this lucky fool gets to do the program too. (The abs of my future are eternally grateful and honestly won't shut up about it.)

So to you folks who've spent the last four months (or years) squatting to stretch your recently washed jeans, I encourage you to head over to the contest page and enter.

Because your house deserves it. And people pay good money for an in-shape house.

[Note: I'm in no way implying you should sell your proverbial house. Money's tight these day, but there are alternatives.]

Quest for your Best contest