Love for sail: Portland Schooner Co. Monday Night Series

This summer has taught us a few things.

Like how you might arrive at work in sandals and leave wishing you wore galoshes. Or how "rain date" is an event courtesy to be taken seriously.

But mostly, summer's taught us to not take that seemingly sporadic sunshine and coastal proximity for granted.

Sooner than we all care to admit, camps will be closed up, kayaks tarped and stored and every schooner on the water will be nestled in for a long winter slumber.

But not yet.

Right now the summer lingers, having fought off days of sprinkles, downpours and torrential rain so that we might appreciate the season's dwindling days.

And appreciate you will, perhaps aboard one of Portland Schooner Company's historic wooden windjammers.

Maybe you've seen the company's two boats, Wendameen and Bagheera, nodding in the water off Maine State Pier in Portland.

Portland Schooner offers regular day and overnight sails, of course. But they're also running a Monday Night Series of sunset sails. I took advantage of this week's Chocolate Lover's Sail - a splendid combination of Casco Bay, Lindt and wine.

Our group boarded Bagheera around 6 pm. The sky hadn't yet decided which atmospheric direction it was headed. But the sun had been out all day, building optimistic spirit to its peak. We were getting on this boat, darn it, and the sun better stick around for it.

Once we'd adequately settled in, the captain offered some words of history and safety - ie, "don't lean on this." (The history can be read at www.portlandschooner.com.

And before we even separated from the pier, Kevin Kingdon of Lindt began placing triangles of chocolate into anticipating hands. On his tray lie rows of white chocolate coconut, chocolate with sea salt and chili chocolate, among others.

Jacques de Villier, owner of Old Port Wine Merchants, brought the wine aboard and masterfully filled our glasses despite the teetering of the deck.

Some couples kicked back together amid the unavoidably romantic atmosphere. Others mingled, opined on the wine and asked, "Where'd the chocolate guy go?"

No one cursed the view.

It did rain. For all of 30 seconds, plump drops pelted our heads and shoulders. But the storm cloud took pity and retreated, leaving a sunset that I won't dare try to describe.

Dusk eventually took over the water, marking the end of our two-hour excursion.

I departed the pier with my Portland appreciation swelled to capacity. While there were several locals aboard, there were also out-of-towners who remarked on the city skyline, the welcome weather respite and the handsomeness of the boats.

And I thought, yup. Lucky we locals are.

The Monday sails depart at 6 pm from Maine State Pier and include the Chocolate Lover's Sail ($50), a champagne and caviar tasting with Browne Trading Company and a Maine Mead Works wine & cheese pairing.

For more info or to reserve a spot: www.portlandschooner.com or 207-766-2500.

For daily sails, check the schedule and rates page.

County-sanctioned police chase: 5K Fugitive Run

There exist three distinct levels of runnership:
1. Competitive 2. Fitness 3. Fugitive.

The third category being the "I only run when chased" set.

These are the folks who'll hightail it down Commercial Street in flip flops when prompted by a rabid dog or police warrant. And boy, can those guys run when motivated. It's darn near inspirational, until they stumble over an uneven curb or the police locate them hiding under the porch of a neighbor's house.

In honor of such exhilarating chases, the Cumberland County Sheriff's Office is hosting the 5K Fugitive Run on August 29 in Gorham.

For $15, anyone can register. Even those who swear they'll only get their feet moving on threat of prison time. And local public safety agencies will be represented as well, with awards going out to the fastest teams of police, fire and rescue and corrections officers.

This may be the first time some of you run with the police, rather than from them. And proceeds benefit Sexual Assault Response Services of Southern Maine (SARSSM).

Just think: you could transform from "community liability" to "community asset" in three little miles.

I didn't read any encouragements about dressing up like escaped convicts - either in bright orange jumpsuits or the more classic black and white stripes. But I think the idea is implied.

The visual of 300-400 fugitives running down the street (complete with cuffs and sharpened plastic spoons), interspersed by 200 or so officers, fire fighters and other civic do-gooders, would be quite the treat for an unexpecting passerby.

A heroic neighborhood grandmother may even intervene - sicking her chihuahua on one of the runners or tripping a few up with a well-placed cane.

Chaos could erupt.

If you're fugitive spirit has been tempted, check out the race details on www.cumberlandso.org/sheriff/5k.htm

Register on active.com

Off to collage: Crafting at Artascope Studios

The rain deigned to give us a precipitation reprieve on Saturday.

I think it was accidental, like a sinister prison guard who fell asleep on shift, just long enough for the inmates to spend a few happy hours writing letters, digging holes and passing shivs to gang affiliates.

But the rain-one-minute, gone-the-next weather is enough to make anyone go a little mad. We're all going to crack under the unsteady barometric pressure.

It's imperative, in a time like this, to find a creative outlet. Maybe write that novel or sculpt busts out of flooded lawn sod.

If you're tentative about tackling an artistic endeavor on your own, let Artascope Studios in South Portland guide you.

The Cottage Road studio hosts a multitude of classes each month - enough to keep Seasonal Affective Disorder at bay for an entire tumultuous summer.

The well-equipped studios include all the working space and tools you'll need to, say, solder a silver necklace or create a stained-glass portrait of your puppy.

The store sells finished pieces as well. All have been hand-crafted by local artisans, many of whom also teach classes here. If you're into unique jewelry, pendants, greeting cards and such, the Artascope store is worth a visit.

Artascope staffer Suzanne gave us a tour of place before class and said she encourages unsure folks to browse the samples to see what strikes their creative fancy.

Choose from felted purses, hammered silver jewelry, batik pillows, etched pendants, sewn metal, simple photo albums and a load of other options.

On Thursday, I tried my hand at resin jewelry. Three-dimensional collages are created and placed in a silver or bronze mold, then covered with resin. Teacher Deb (far right) walked us through the process.

And no, black and white stripes are not a required Artascope uniform. But they coincidentally go along with the prison-reprieve reference I made earlier.

You can bring in your own images or sift through the well-organized boxes of scrap and craft paper in one of the Artascope rooms. I uncovered too many options and spent the first 45 minutes of class deciding which to choose.

Ah! The tortures of the creative mind! Er, the wannabe creative mind.

While we worked, and sipped wine and took hearty bites of freshly baked brownies, it was dang near impossible not to be swept up in the creative wave.

Even the most artistically defunct will feel like a crafting master here.

And to prevent a resin disaster, Deb keeps an eye out.

We all managed to put together our own two individual pieces. Jolene created a patriotic pendant of the Statue of Liberty - complete with bright beads on the torch and a blue ring on her finger.

Sarah used photos from a recent trip abroad and Karen created an inspirational collage of words.

I went the "creepy lurker" route, combining a sketch I found in the bins with some foliage cut from page on botony.

I wear it with pride.

For all the upcoming classes, check the Artascope schedule or look 'em up on facebook.

And if you're more of a "buyer" rather than a "creator," hit the Summer Sale at Artascope on August 1st from 10am-4pm. Details in the Artascope blog.

On rooftop of the world: Rooftop Films and a side of beach

Rooftops.

They're good for plenty of things, like keeping bees, lodging Santa or hiding from the police. They're also an ideal perch from which to throw crab apples at passing traffic on, say, a semi-quiet suburban street in Illinois.

Or so I've heard.

But rooftops can also be a swell place to strip down to a swimsuit, toss out a blanket and make like you're Gidget.

That's what folks'll be doing this Sunday during MENSK's Rooftop Films event. The night's feature: Back to the Beach (1987), Hence the beach theme. It's not like we're really starved for sun and sand here in Maine, but if you're ever going to lay half-naked in or near a parking garage, this is the night to do it.

Surf music fills the rooftop of the Spring Street/Free Street parking garage starting at 8:30 pm until it gets dark. Film starts at 9 pm. And if the music and movie aren't enough, showers of free popcorn should push your rooftop experience to a whole new level.

Here's the plot, stolen directly from the event listing:

PLOT (if that kind of thing is important to you):
Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello are husband and wife living in Ohio - far from the surf and sand of their earlier lives together. Heading to California to visit their daughter Sandi (Lori Loughlin), Frankie and Annette are appalled to learn that she has been making time with surfer Michael (Tommy Hinkley). In time-honored fashion, our hero and heroine set about to make the beach safe for fun-lovers everywhere by driving out Michael's unsavory friends.

Along the way, Frankie faces a challenge to his title from the younger surfers, and nearly ruins his marriage by dallying with Connie Stevens - one of several pop-culture icons appearing in the film, including Fishbone, Don Adams, Bob Denver, Alan Hale, Jr., Edd Byrnes, Jerry Mathers, Tony Dow, Dick Dale, Stevie Ray Vaughan, O.J. Simpson, and Pee-wee Herman.

For all the details on Saturday's Rooftop Film, check the event listing on Facebook

Scooter? I hardly know her! Scooter touring in Kennebunkport

Go ahead, mock scooter anxiety.

Crack jokes, point fingers.

But for those of us (and by "us" I mean other people) frightened by compact, open-sided motorized vehicles, scooters are something you look at, not ride.

I'm not saying scooters are 35-mile-per-hour taxis to death. That'd be a wee over the top.

They're more like two-wheeled Sherpas to the Land of Lost Limbs.

But the best way to get over scooterphobia is to simply take a seat, turn the key and give that puppy some gas.

And at Harbor Village Scooters, the therapy is easy.

Harbor Village rents scooters out of a storefront in Kennebunk. The rates run by the hour and include a brief scooter training.

The "how to" rundown last weekend included tips on speed and turning as well as pointers like, "here are the brakes" and "here's a handy storage space under the seat."

Before we'd be let loose on the rough-and-tumble streets of Kennebunk, we gave our scooters a few practice spins around the parking lot.

I had a mediocre start - not yet mastering the transition from moving to stopping. But neither I nor my pal Liz dumped our scooter or hit a parked car, so Harbor Village sent us off.

The swellest part about scootering along the streets of Kennebunk and it's coastal brother Kennebunkport is, of course, the view. Scooter touring combines the A-to-B speed of the auto with the scenic perusing capabilities of walking. A happy, fuel-economic medium.

We took the road straight to the beach, where locals and tourists had gathered en masse to celebrate a severely delayed summer morning.

And because scooters come with such easy parking, it's no problem to stow the little guy for a bit and take in the ocean.

Of course, should you want to scooter past the Bush compound, that's cool too - unless you've been issued some kind of "cease and desist" order from the government. I never have. No court orders either. I mean it. And I don't appreciate your accusatory tone.

The Franciscan Monastery is another fine stop, with walking trails and impressive shrines, including the Grotto of Our Lady of Lourdes. Here people leave trinkets and messages for Madonna's firstborn.

In town, we parked our scooters to check out Kennebunkport up close (for the record, despite the crowds, Kennebunkport is one of the purtiest towns in Southern Maine).

I was also delighted to discover Aunt Marie's, where the finest fresh squeezed lemonade is served up in a jiff. The hot dogs ain't bad either.

After two hours, I became a scooter believer. Maybe it was the breeze whipping through my monster silver helmet. Maybe it was the Harley dude that waved hello like I was a like-minded, road-traveling peer.

Whatever the reason, I fear the scooter no more.

Rental rates run $20/hr with a two-hour minimum. There's also a required $300 deposit, just in case you vault your ride into a beach trolley.

FMI call Harbor Village Scooters at 207-590-5151

The grass is greener when it's dirt: Lawnmower racing in Saco

Lawnmowers seem destined for drudgery.

Confined to the garage for at least half the year, they're let loose only to pace the lawn and chew an overgrowth of grass and weeds. Then back to the concrete dungeon, where the Subaru awaits with its mocking smirk (because he gets taken out daily and spent last weekend perched on the coast with a fab view of the Atlantic while the humans took surfing lessons).

There's no joy in a lawnmower's life. No relief from the monotonous back and forth. No moments of glory.

Unless, of course, a lucky lawnmower finds its way into the tinkering hands of a lawnmower racer.

It does happen.

The proud mowers at last weekend's lawnmower races are proof of it.

The races are held at the Pathfinders Snowmobile Club in Saco. It's a novel way for the club to raise funds during the off season - and give a few lawnmowers a taste of grass-free heaven.

The concept is simple. Those old riding lawnmowers most folks would "put out to pasture" (or, more appropriately, removed from the pasture) are modified slightly for the racetrack. Blades are removed to prevent an unfortunate limb removal. A tether is attached to the key, so the mower turns off should a rider get tossed. And those wild mower wranglers are expected to wear helmets.

Lawnmower racing can be dangerous.

The pace mower leads the racers around the track.

When the green flag goes waving, the race is on.

There's clearly a trick to keeping upright while riding around the small dirt track. A number of racers kept their rears to the inside of the seat, dangling precariously over the side of the mower.

Sometimes a mower lost a wheel. Sometimes a mower panted, coughed and came to a rolling stop. Sometimes it could be revived. Sometimes it was pushed off the track.

But it was nice to see those mowers fulfill a speedy destiny that eludes most motorized lawncare equipment. If only for a few spins around a track on one warm summer evening.

There weren't as many spills and collisions here like you might find at Beech Ridge motor speedway, but the expectation of some dramatic overturn still keeps watchers attentive.

It's $4 to spectate at the races - and the proceeds go straight to Saco Pathfinders for winter trail grooming and other expenses.

There's a small kitchen inside the clubhouse where Red hot dogs, burger, fries and the like are sold.

And folks in the stands seemed pretty comfortable paired up next to their coolers. What was in them, I couldn't say. But people don't usually bring 12 sodas to a two-hour event. I'm just sayin'.

Find the full lawnmower racing schedule on www.sacopathfinders.net

Check out a fine slideshow and story from the PPH a while back: "Mowers - they're not just for grass anymore"

Out of the rain and drunk on Cosby

Mother Nature, it seems, is pissed about something. Maybe some Portlander stayed out late with the guys and forgot to call. Or she didn't get flowers on her birthday even though she hinted at it at least 20 times.

Maybe she's concerned about layoffs and has gone overboard showcasing her talents (which seem more like a threat, really. "Think it's bad now? Imagine what I'll do if you can me!")

I've tried to talk her down, but she's screening calls and not responding to email.

Whatever her current issue, the seemingly endless rain has put the kibosh on all things outdoors.

I was able to escape it for a couple of weeks back in Illinois (where, I'm not ashamed to brag, it was in the 80s and sunshiny nearly the entire time).

I returned to Maine this weekend with Out Going optimism and a long list of "must dos."

But there's no lawnmower racing if the track's flooded. Surf lessons are canceled, the kayaks remain racked and any and all outdoor music is watered into silence.

If I were writing for Highlights children's magazine, now'd be the time I'd suggest indoor crafting. Maybe popsicle stick picture frames or flour dough that sticks to walls when chucked hard enough.

But we're too mature for that nonsense. Besides, the "dough clean up" ain't what it used to be.

Even still, it's time to start thinking like a winter Mainer again. Turn thoughts indoors.

Perhaps avert your eyes to a multi-colored bust of Bill Cosby constructed from 1,000 JELL-O shots.

Wait. What?

Artist Andrew Salomone is mixing, setting and stacking the tribute in honor of Bill's birthday.

Once complete, famished audience members get to devour Cosby.

Andrew also hopes to stream the construction/consumption live online so "viewers at home can witness the gradual destruction of Bill Cosby's likeness and possibly some of the audience member's sobriety."

The bust begins at 4:00 pm and Andrew aims to have it completed by 6:00 at Buoy Gallery in Kittery.

Check the event listing for details

For more about the artist, take a gander at andrewsalomone.com