Overcoming Bangoraphobia

Bangoraphobia sounds like a serious condition - some severe mental trouble requiring therapy, medication and lots of positive self-talk.

In truth, Bangoraphobia is entirely fictitious. It's a made-up word I recently came up with as I readied myself for a weekend visit to the Queen City (a.k.a., Bangor, Maine).

But if I were to invent a definition for my invented term, I might describe Bangoraphobia as "the subtle but genuine anxiety Portlanders express about traveling anywhere in Maine north of Brunswick."

It's true, Central Maine has a different feel. And it's true, a number of folks farther north think Portland should be officially lopped off the coast, floated down stream and reattached to Massachusetts.

But Bangor is not a place to be feared. To prove it, I headed up there this weekend for a first-hand Bangor experience. I felt safe and confident in the hands of my Bangor guide and friend, Melanie (but kept a large stick in the trunk of my car, just in case).

If your Bangor knowledge is limited to Stephen King and pervy "bang 'er" references, then it might be time to learn about the lesser-known joys of the area:

1. The chewing gum
Thank Bangor for your Bubble Yum. Commercial chewing gum was invented in Bangor in 1848 by John B. Curtis. His "State of Maine Pure Spruce Gum" gave birth to the Wrigley's and Eclipse we chew today. If it weren't for Curtis, we might be sticking mashed potatoes to the underside of restaurant tables.

The gum was derived from the sap of spruce trees. Unfortunately, "in the 20th century, commercial spruce tree processing turned to paper manufacturing in order to meet demand from the newspaper industry, thereby reducing the availability of spruce for other purposes, including spruce gum."

It seems video killed the radio star, and newspapers killed the spruce gum.

(The big conspiracy is, of course, that while everyone blames the Internet for killing newspapers, Spruce Gum has been pulling the strings all along. The Internet is just a front - deployed solely for Spruce Gum's revenge against the tree-monopolizing newspaper industry.)

2. The Dysarts
It's a truck stop. It's a restaurant. It's a place to fill up your tank and your belly. And meatloaf just tastes better when the grill of a semi tractor trailer is mounted to the wall behind you.
[www.dysarts.com]

3. The Brownies of chocolate
The earliest documented recipe for chocolate brownies referred to them as "Bangor Brownies." And it's the chocolate brownie that ultimately elevated the church bake sale to the colossal fund raising powerhouse it is today. Brownies make the bake sale go 'round.

4. The fiberglass Paul Bunyan
It's a 31-foot fiberglass statue of Paul Bunyan. Need I say more?
[www.roadsideamerica.com]

5. The deer-skin moccasins
The lumber industry gets all the attention in Bangor. And sure, I guess lumber was sort of important to the area's prosperity. But what about the moccasins? Nineteenth century Bangor was the leading producer of moccasins, shipping over 100,000 pairs a year by the 1880s. Where's the museum for that, huh?

6. The bestest TJ Maxx ever
My more fashion-conscious friends insist that the Bangor TJ Maxx is the finest of all the TJ Maxx stores in the state…the country…maybe the world.

I can't speak to that, but I did see an awe-inspiring amount of polyester blend.

7. The unhindered drinking
The state of Maine went dry after the "Maine Law" was passed in 1851, prohibiting the sale of alcohol. But not Bangor. Thanks to the wonders of bribery, local police and politicians were persuaded to "not notice" the raucous boozing. The system of ritualized fine payments became known as "The Bangor Plan."

Bless you, Bangor, for knowing that booze trumps state law every time.
[For more on prohibition in Portland, check out Avery's Portland Prohibition Tour]

See? A little chewing gum and a barrel of whiskey is all you really need to quash that pesky Bangoraphobia.