To have and to hold, for beer or for cash: Wife Carrying Championships

Back in the day, men chose their wives for entirely romantic reasons, like land acquisition or lots of cash.

Later, on account of all those John Hughes movies, the notion of "love" came into play. People started getting married simply because they liked each other.

But since the Wife Carrying Championships arrived at Sunday River, it's not a healthy sense of humor or a pretty smile that modern men seek to hitch. Instead, they're looking for small framed ladies with a solid grip and dense musculature.

These are the wives championships are made of.

If the name isn't explanation enough, the Wife Carrying competition involves a guy carrying his wife over a 278-yard course built on the lower slopes of Sunday River Ski Resort.

If you're a muscle-bound lady of the house, you can carry your husband too. Whatever dynamics suit you. I once knew a couple that liked to shoot each other with pellet guns as a way of showing affection - so color me judgment-free.

The entertainment value of said competition resides not in the finish line outcome, but rather the two-person positioning. How does one carry his wife 278 yards?

The "cradle" arrangement works when you're posing for pictures in a Hawaiian island waterfall, but it lacks long-distance stability.

And sure, you've hefted your better half over your shoulder when she's overdone it on the wine at the neighbor's and needs to be airlifted from their living room floor. But running like that? It's simply not efficient.

Thus:

It has its dangers, to be sure. But what's a few dropped wives when you have the potential to win 140 lbs of beer and five times that in cash? Your sweetheart can nurse that concussion with a six pack and a $500 bill.

Winners actually receive the wife's weight in beer and the wife's weight times five in cash. So push the carbs 'til the weekend.

And if your ball and chain isn't keen on the idea - or if you're ball and chainless - feel free to show up and seek out a teammate. Pairs don't need to be married, just 21 or over. It could be the start of many wonderful years together.

Race begins: 11:00 am Saturday, October 10: 2009 Wife Carrying Championship details