In an effort to stem the tide of everything in America being “Made in China”, the Portland Phoenix has created a local alternative to the Beijing Olympic Games. The 2008 Portland Phoelympics will launch on August 6th, focusing the eyes of the world on our fair city.

Those who tune in will be treated to Games free of debilitating smog, child-laborer, political oppression, and large, ancient walls. They will be spared the ennui of viewing out-dated, boring events like Track and field (aka ‘running, jumping, & throwing’) as The Portland Phoelympics will introduce a new generation of athletic endeavors, more challenging and entertaining than the world has ever seen.

Absent will be the crass commercialism that has usurped the integrity of the once-great Olympic Games. The Phoelympics (presented by the Portland Phoenix, your News, Arts & Entertainment Authority since 1999, & its fabulous video website thephoenix.com/video) will be completely free of corporate sponsorship (until we sell one).

The opening event of the 2008 Phoelympics, “Back Cove Volleyball”, will be held in the middle of the Back Cove on the morning of August 6th, in the middle of the Back Cove. Highlights of the Gold Medal Game will be viewable at thephoenix.com/video later that day.

“The Phoenix is proud to have created an international event worthy of the great city of Portland”, said Marc Shepard, Associate Publisher of the Portland Phoenix & President of the IPC (International Phoelympic Committee). “We expect the economic impact of these games on the city to be substantial, as we’ve already spent close to $80 on equipment & first aid supplies, and that does NOT include our bar tab.”