Scholars, scribes, and health professionals tell us why parents rush their children to excel in sports at an earlier and earlier age. For some it serves as a babysitting service and an after-school activity that will hold them over until they get home from work. Others do it to live vicariously through their kids and to keep up with the neighbors. This is what I refer to as “The Parent Trap.” Wave after wave of new parents fall into the trap of believing they have to do more to ensure their children succeed, have fun, and keep up.

Just like with early education, parents believe if their children fall behind, they will never catch up. They worry that their kids will miss all of the opportunities and success that our society holds out for athletes: playing on the best teams for the most successful coaches, making a high school team, scholarships to the best athletic programs, and finally, wealth and fame in the professional ranks that includes lucrative endorsements and investment opportunities not available to the rest of society.

It is very easy for many parents to fall into this trap because they “take the bait,” long before they realize they are trapped. I can’t tell how many times I have heard first-time parents say something like “you can’t believe how far little 2 year old Casey can throw (kick, or hit) a ball.” The fact is, most kids can do the same thing.

Not long after this awareness, one or both parents will spend time “playing” in the back yard with this young phenom. Of course, Tiger Wood’s dad started young Elwood out that way. This is how it works. While most parents don’t begin to program their children for athletic fame and fortune, the system is designed to foster the dream that it can happen, but, looking at the statistics, for only the smallest percentage of kids. That’s the other part of the trap: parents actually believe that there are more athletic scholarships out there than there are academic scholarships, financial aid, and loans.

Keeping the “dream alive” is just another word for exploitation. The question that must be asked at this point is, “whose dream is it?” Is it the dream of the parent, or the 7 year old T-ball player who is just out there to have some fun picking dandelions and learning to interact and play with a bunch of new kids?

At this point, most parents are just “taking the bait.” They enjoy watching their little ones do things and learn things in a safe and healthy environment. Unfortunately, very early on, someone will approach the parent of a child that appears to be pretty good with an approach that goes something like this: “little Casey is one of the better 7 year olds, and we think he might enjoy playing with other kids who have the same ability. It will be better for him and he will develop faster playing against better competition.”

What parent isn’t flattered by this obvious compliment and recognition that they are the parent of one of the best athletes in the neighborhood. As soon as these parents say “yes,” the trap is set! Next comes 3-4 practices per week, short trips across town to play other hand-picked kids "with potential," and then a little tournament to see who is the best.

Before long, there will be weekend trips around the state, then throughout the region, and finally across the country to play against other teams to see who is the best. As the child grows older, in order to make it to the next level or make the best team, the stakes get higher. Before long, the child is attending camps and clinics, visits a personal trainer, and is playing on one or more teams all year around. Sooner or later, parents realize the trap has been set and they are unable to escape.

After a few years, the financial investment has run into the thousands of dollars (maybe tens of thousands), and the fierce competition to get to the next level has taken over. By now, it should be obvious that the dream is not realistic. Only a handful will ever win that elusive scholarship, and fewer still will ever earn a living playing a sport.

There are millions of parents around the country caught up in this unrealistic dream and who have sacrificed a balanced family life in the process. We realized something was terribly wrong when my wife was in San Diego with our 9 year old son for a hockey tournament, I was at a prestigious hockey tournament in Minneapolis with our 12 year son, and our 15 year old daughter was alone in Texas for a big swim meet over the Thanksgiving weekend.

It took missing Thanksgiving dinner as a family to make us realize we had to break free of the trap. I don’t even want to think about how much money it cost us. Probably enough to send each to college at a good in-state university.

This nightmare of a dream most often ends when Casey finally tells mom and dad he wants to quit because he is burnt out and hates it, or when Casey doesn’t make it to the next level and is cut.

So, what is it that makes parents so vulnerable to this enticing trap? I don’t believe it is just the lure of fame, a scholarship, or a professional career. I think it is much deeper than that. I believe that parents have become over involved in their children’s lives because they have the means and the time. But even more basic, they do it out of love and a basic parental instinct to protect their children from a competitive, cruel, and harsh world. Most parents want the best for their children, and most will do most anything to help their children succeed?

This is the “Parent Trap,” and the only way to avoid being entrapped is to recognize that there is more to life than sports and to resist. To avoid being trapped, parents need to know the trap exists. They need to be aware of the language being used and innocent-looking situations that signal danger. Parents have to realize what psychologists and researchers have been telling us for thirty years or more: we’ve got to let kids be kids, and this means to explore, discover, and learn ON THEIR OWN.

Unfortunately, we’ve been duped into thinking that kids can’t learn to play sports on their own without an adult. That’s preposterous because most of their parents, and everybody in every sports Hall of Fame learned on the sandlot. It is also very dangerous to think that kids can’t learn almost anything without adults having to organize it and control every aspect of it.

First time parents keep coming in waves with the beginning of each new season. The trap is set for them and the cycle begins anew. Another competitive dad will set his sights on a National Championship and start preparing the neighborhood 7 year olds for that run at #1.

Beware: The Parent Trap!

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