Ahh the joys of motherhood, I've been at it for 3 years, 8 months, and six days now. I have 3 boys. As you can imagine things are busy around here.
All 3 are still in diapers.

Loving my children has been easy yes, from the moment I saw their tiny little eyes and ears. But parenting, parenting is the toughest job you will ever love, (sorry peace corps, but this job is tougher).

I naturally do not want to disappoint my kids. Most parents don't. However at least a dozen times a day I do just that. "No I'm sorry honey, you can't go out today it's raining." "Sorry kids we can't buy that John Deere tractor."
Why?, because it's like $12,000! Saying no makes every parent feel bad, and that is my point: parenting often feels bad.

When I had my first son he naturally got hiccups as babies do, there was not a thing that I could do to help him and this just about drove me over the edge. I bawled my eyes out. I 'm sure there were a few hormones sorting themselves out too, having given birth the day before.

For the first 3 months after my first son was born, I had a nightmare every night about something horrible happening to him. I learned to laugh at these nightmares eventually. Talking about them helped. Each morning I would sit down at breakfast and tell my husband about how last night, we were being held hostage and they were starving us to death, so I had to take my own child's life in order to keep him from suffering, but as I was ending his life, I realized what I was doing and tried to bring him back to life, but it was too late.
Not funny. I woke up crying that morning.

Parenthood has introduced me to fears that I didn't even know existed.
you have this other consciousness that is hyper aware of your children and their well being at all times. Many of my closest girlfriends have yet to enter this sorority called motherhood, so I explain it to them like this:

Having children is like having an extra appendage. Let's say an arm, (which by the way, I could use a couple more) You love this arm more than anything you have ever loved, more than you ever thought possible to the point that it is painful.

And yet there it is, being it's own arm, and you are completely powerless over this new appendage. You must guide, nurture, and love the little nub, but it still has a mind of it's own. It's yours and you have to make sure it doesn't accidentally kill itself. Seriously much of what you do with young children is just make sure they are safe. Can you say wicked Stressful!

Oh and the other kicker is that you will never experience this much self doubt either. You will wonder if you have made the right choice when discipling your child, you will worry if they feel slighted thinking you give more attention to the other one. You may find yourself on a Saturday night looking at What to Expect in the First Year, making sure that your child has reached all of the milestones for his age.

In my former life, responsibility meant making sure my plants were watered on Saturdays, and maybe remembering to shave my armpits. That was about the extent of it.

Now I have three little lives busting with energy, excitement and the possibility of it all. I only hope that they will grow up and remember their childhood as a happy time, love one another, and become content adults.

When people asked me, just before the birth of my first son, if I was ready, all I could say was, "Well we've got all the baby stuff."