Burn Gallery: A rough end for an English muffin. Three of them, actually

The banana-lime jam went so well, it's a shame the same couldn't be said for the English muffins that went with it.

"I burned three English muffins," I said.

"Why were you toasting three at a time?" I was asked.

"I wasn't."

More from the burn gallery, because burnt food is captivating, in it's own scorched way.

New Cook Tip #3: When working with hot oil, lay the food away from you

When placing food into a pan of hot oil, lay it away from you, or even tilt the pan away from you, to prevent splatter from making its way onto your unsuspecting forearms - or anywhere else for that matter.

Do not let the oil overheat in the pan, then toss a handful of potatoes into it with the same carelessness used when tossing your empties into the recycle bin.

Trust me on this one.

Burn gallery: It was supposed to be a panini

My roommate takes the credit for this blackened slice of bread. For my part, I did convince her to participate in my panini-making experiment. And while it started off with charring, it ended with some fine sandwiches.

More Burn Gallery photos

Burn Gallery: Plantain sauce or cinnamon-scented cement?

This plantain sauce started so well. It's taste? Akin to heaven! Until it started burning, foaming, and smoking like the fiery pits of hell.

Burn gallery: A nearly cremated ham and cheese croissant

It came from Standard Baking Company in Portland. I simply wanted to warm it up, but oh so tragically, I was distracted by...something. I can't recall what.

Needless to say, I ate the croissant anyway. And it was still awesome.

Burn gallery: A plastic lid isn't even food

In my defense, it is extremely difficult - impossible even - to stop a plastic lid intent on self-immolation.