Today we have a link to What Shamu Taught Me about a Happy Marriage, one of the The New York Times most popular articles. It is a very entertaining read on how to train your spouse -like you would an animal- using positive reinforcement.

The principles that author Amy Sutherland used in training her husband are those that I employ daily training dogs.
To include:

Use a reward that is highly motivating to the animal.
Just like in dog training the author learned about her subject, and then used methods that her husband found rewarding and motivating.

The exotic animal known as Scott is a loner, but an alpha male. So hierarchy matters, but being in a group doesn't so much. He has the balance of a gymnast, but moves slowly, especially when getting dressed. Skiing comes naturally, but being on time does not. He's an omnivore, and what a trainer would call food-driven.

In dog training these might include, food, praise, affection, toys, access to people, play other dogs, tug, or something to chase.

Reward incompatible behaviors

At home, I came up with incompatible behaviors for Scott to keep him from crowding me while I cooked. To lure him away from the stove, I piled up parsley for him to chop or cheese for him to grate at the other end of the kitchen island. Or I'd set out a bowl of chips and salsa across the room. Soon I'd done it: no more Scott hovering around me while I cooked.

Most common would be to reward sit instead of jumping, quiet instead of barking, and chill out instead of begging.

Reward behaviors you want to repeat

I began thanking Scott if he threw one dirty shirt into the hamper. If he threw in two, I'd kiss him. Meanwhile, I would step over any soiled clothes on the floor without one sharp word, though I did sometimes kick them under the bed. But as he basked in my appreciation, the piles became smaller.

I was using what trainers call "approximations," rewarding the small steps toward learning a whole new behavior. You can't expect a baboon to learn to flip on command in one session, just as you can't expect an American husband to begin regularly picking up his dirty socks by praising him once for picking up a single sock.

In my Collie's case, I need Finney to be able to come to work with me, lay down and chill out for long periods of time until I need him. This is what he has been heavily rewarded for and what Finn will always readiliy "offer".

Ignore bad behavior

It was only a matter of time before he was again tearing around the house searching for his keys, at which point I said nothing and kept at what I was doing. It took a lot of discipline to maintain my calm, but results were immediate and stunning. His temper fell far shy of its usual pitch and then waned like a fast-moving storm. I felt as if I should throw him a mackerel.

For dogs this is used commonly for jumping, begging and whining.

If this blog has peaked your interest,and you want to learn to train your dog, husband, kids and even the neighbors in this manner, pick up a copy of Karen Pryor's book Don't Shoot the Dog. Karen is a former sea mammal trainer and it is she who is largely resonsible for the clicker training revolution. When I first read that book 10 years ago, I applied the postive principles to not only my x- husband but to my children as well.

My oldest son who is nearly 15 came along before I crossed over to positive training and he is still of the negative attention mind set, and to this day would prefer negative attention to none at all. My 10 year old daughter came along during my total embrace of positive training. This girl has fallen down whole flights of stairs and gotten up announcing to all "it's ok, I am fine!", even when she was not. We praised the heck out of her for being brave when she was younger.

By the time #3 came along, positive training kids was old hat to me.

Hint-tell the kids what they CAN do, not what the can't do.

I did use Karen's rules of positive reinforcement with my x- husband, much in the same way described by Amy Sutherland in her Shamu article, but their was a fly in the ointment. As those us who work with animals for any length of time learn--it is not possible to save them all. In my case I had a behavior to deal with that can not be addressed with positive reinforcement training. After all you can't ignore, or praise alternative behaviors if you don't know when someone is lying.

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