Ten weeks later and no longer pregnant (looking)

Ten weeks ago I was able to pull off an almost perfect party trick that I liked to refer to as the "non-pregnant pregnant lady."

With a quick exhale and a slight arch in my back I looked legitimately six months along in carrying what appeared to be a "very healthy" child (probably a boy, I decided). What a difference two and a half months make because right now it's looking like I have to score a new gimmick.

Not only does it take quite a bit of bending backwards and an obscene amount of huffing to get my tummy to look like what it once did, it's almost impossible to achieve! My friends, I may just have…ABS!!! And don't even get me started on the two inches (!!!) I lost on my thighs!

In two and a half months I have accomplished more than I thought would have been possible before embarking on this "quest." While maintaining full-time status in school, participating in a service learning project, working as a tutor twice a week and generally just trying to keep it together while looking for employment (which, by the way, anyone? Anything?), I completed the program and couldn't be any more shocked and elated.

When we first started I thought that perhaps I may be the one to not finish. A negative thought, yes, but I truly imagined I would continuously sleep through the 6:00am (okay, who are we kidding, 6:30am) alarm clock and eventually would run out of excuses.

Once the first few weeks went by and I started seeing results, however, it all changed. I became more motivated than I had been in regards to something aside from school in a long time. When the first signs of my taut tummy started to peak through, right around when Portland looked like it was actually having nice weather, I knew that I had to keep going.

I did not want to become a victim of "one step forward, two steps back" and tried as best as I could to make it to the suggested classes outside of our normal Monday's and Friday's.

I owe a lot of this support to our trainer, Catherine and awesome Head Honcho of the landing, Deanna. Without the two of them I would not have had the opportunity I did or the structure I needed.

I realize I can be a difficult person at times, especially at 7:00am after I had only gone to bed at 2:00am. Not stubborn, necessarily, but often set in my ways, it can take a bit before I am comfortable to admit I see it from a different perspective. Both Catherine and Deanna were amazing when dealing with not only myself but with my teammates.

And without my teammates there wouldn't have been a group of "Questers!" They are one of the biggest reasons I dragged myself out from under the covers on Monday and Friday mornings. I knew that if they could take the time from their busy lives to show up then there was no reason I couldn't, either.

I want t hem all to know how proud I am of each of us and that I've never had more fun feeling like I was going to vomit while doing Cardio Pilates with Jeff and Jon and Shannon. If any of you ever need a Kettlebell partner, or even just someone to vent to (or at!) I'm not more than an email away.

I also want to acknowledge the gift that Miss Kate from Head Games was able to bestow on me. On Monday I was able to participate in the makeover portion of my Quest. I will tell you now # if you have super thick, curly, troll-dollish hair you need to not walk, not skip, not rollerblade (well, don't do that anyway), but RUN RUN RUN to Head Games and book your appointment with Kate ASAP.

Never before have I left a salon in tears of joy. When I told her I wanted something "short" but not an "unintentional afro" like most of the styles I usually leave with, she knew exactly what to do. It's been three days and I still can't get over how awesome my hair looks. So, thanks to Kate and also Alanna for this amazing experience.

Overall there's so much I could say about these past ten weeks. I actually had written this blog earlier but the email monsters ate it so this is my second attempt and I really want to make it right. I just feel very lucky and grateful to have been able to participate in all of the classes that were offered (I took cardio pilates, svaroopa yoga, gyrokinesis, mat pilates, LifeBreath, and I currently still take kettlebell, my new obsession) and to receive all the services that I did (massage, reiki, pedicure, manicure, hair cut and color, micro-current facial). I am one lucky lucky girl.

Aside from the physical changes that have taken place, I've completely changed my mental outlook on life as well. While I still tend to be a pessimist and can have a self-defeatist attitude, I am trying hard every day to see things from other, more positive perspectives. The most important thing I've learned is to not let myself think so far ahead that I've forgotten to live in the moment.

I try to focus on the present as much as possible and be grateful that I am in the here and now. A quote I found recently that I absolutely adore and think applies pretty well to this whole Quest goes like this: "Child, break your heart no longer. Every time you judge yourself, you break your own heart" - Swami Kripalu

I hope that those who have read this blog have enjoyed it, whether you laughed with, or at me, or even felt a slight twinge of motivation; it was as much for you as it was for me. Also, if you have any new party-tricks I may be able to latch on to, let me know. I'm thinking maybe Abs of Steel?

Massage success (and no unwelcome touching)

So last week I left you all with a cliffhanger…I know you've been biting your fingernails, toes curled in anticipation, bums hanging on the edges of your seats wondering how my massage went and whether or not I even went through with it.

Well, worry no more. On Thursday I had my massage with Brittany of Head Games. As mentioned, I was a little leery going into it and, to be honest, most nervous about having certain parts of my body worked on.

When I arrived I was given a form to fill out, asking me the basic health questions, whether or not I have any major medical problems and, what I found to be the most important # were there any areas I did not want my massage therapist to touch? Wanting to make myself clear I wrote as neatly as I could "No butt touching, please - :)" (that smiley face was an addition to my plea, so that she knew I meant business).

I had heard from a friend that they sometimes massage your butt. I also remember another friend telling me that one time she got a massage in Spain and the woman who did it flipped her over and started massage my friends' "chest area." No thanks.

I anxiously waited until Brittany arrived. She was great at making me feel relaxed and I eagerly admitted how nervous I was. I think I probably came across as a bit silly, but I didn't really care. I asked her about the whole butts/boobs thing and she assured me that she does not massage chests but she does, indeed, massage butts. I politely declined, even after being told it would feel wonderful. I knew that I wouldn't have been able to relax enough to enjoy it, picturing the poor girl with her hands massaging a big lump of squishy jell-o and so again, I passed.

I noted to Brittany that I had a pretty good pain threshold and like a lot of pressure so that she could go all out if she wanted # and that she did. There were a few painful spots that I almost had her stop massaging but almost as quickly as it was uncomfortable it suddenly turned and the pain wasn't pain but rather a warm and tingling feeling where I could tell that any knots or tightness I had were being worked away.

I ended up having my back/shoulders/sides and then my arms/legs/top of collar bone area worked on. It was a full sixty minute session and I don't know how Brittany kept up the energy because it certainly seemed like a lot of work. Afterwards I felt pretty good # I was sort of waiting for something phenomenal to happen, but really I just felt a lot more relaxed and not so wound up. I thanked Brittany once more and was on my way.

Cue to Friday morning, 7am, our weekly weigh in session. I woke to find that my left arm was a little tender, which I half expected what with the intensity in which Brittany worked on me. I only became a bit concerned when I realized that the tender area was also puffy and squishy, as if it were filled with some fluid. It hurt the same as a bruise, though it wasn't discolored and when held next to my other arm, it was noticeably misshapen.

I was able to catch up with Brittany later in the day and she confirmed what I thought # because my body was "wound" so tight she had to do a lot of work on it, causing all the toxins and lymph and stuff to be released. The remedy was drinking lots of water to flush it out and I'm happy to report I was squishy area free a few days later # well, at least on my forearm.

The rest of this past week has been relatively uneventful. Because I cannot currently focus and I know I need to submit this blog, I am going to make it easy to follow in bullet point format.

• Saturday morning, 9am, Kettlebell with a man named Joe who looked more like a Ken doll than a real person. He kicked my ass and I may or may not have been the victim of a Guinness and pizza induced hangover, making my workout harder than normal. It was a rather embarrassing 45 minutes.

• Monday morning we had our early weight training session and I made it through, yet again, unscathed.

• Reiki with Catherine at 9am where I was to shuffle through a deck of cards that had fun/pretty/interesting pictures on the front. I sat in the heat suite while doing so. I flipped through the deck pulling out two cards # one with a beach scene and another with an open book. Because I mustered the money to pay my $112.00 library fine (really) and have been in a bookish state of mind lately, I chose the book card solely for those reasons. It turned out that that card was representative of turning off internal chatter in my head, clearing out the negative, the things that make it hard to accomplish my goals or that may try to steer me clear of a positive direction. That was to be what I focused on during my session. I also want to note how cool Reiki is in the sense that our energies really do exist as an entity to be transmitted between people. I had been having really bad pain in my left ovary (I have stage IV endometriosis, which I don't think I've ever talked about here…but anyway…) I had been having this nasty pain above my left hip, which was exacerbated by lying down. A few minutes in our session, without me saying a word, Catherine shifted her hands over to that part of my belly and within minutes the pain subsided. Amazing.

• I came up with a mantra during my reiki session that was supposed to be along the lines of "everything is fine." I was/am to repeat this in times of stress, or when I can feel myself starting to lose it. Well, I nearly lost it multiple times on campus Monday afternoon when after finding out if I could have a letter stating I am near completion of my degree (I am only missing a math class which I am currently taking in order to graduate), I was told I may actually need to take THREE more classes. THREE!!! I already have 140 credits # the three extra classes would have been for a completely ridiculous reason. I kindly told the woman I was about to puke on her shoes if this was true and could she please double check. She did, but I had to check with someone else in another office/department # the entire time I repeated my mantra "Everything's fine. You will not throwdown in this advising office. You are okay" and I made it out alive.

• I did Kettlebell yesterday at The Landing, which was run by John Edmonds. We basically worked on a Turkish Getup which is something they probably refined in Turkish prisons because it sucks and feels like punishment. I was having a bit of a self-defeatist attitude yesterday and kept whining about how fat I am. New mantra : I am not a self conscious fourteen year old girl.

Our second to last weigh in is tomorrow. I was down 5lbs last week from the previous weigh in so I'm hoping my number will stay in that vicinity. I can't believe there's only a week left. I'm starting to become a little sentimental, not for the 6am wakeup calls but because soon I will have to acknowledge that I will no longer get to see this awesome group of people at least twice a week anymore. So sad, but I know we have all come a long way and I'm excited to see what this summer, and the future has in store.

Hey, don't touch me: My First Massage

There are very few things in life that terrify me enough that I go out of my way to avoid them.

Amongst these things are lobsters, pigeons (go ahead, ask me about PigeonSTORM 2009 sometime, you won't be disappointed), lettuce, air grates on the sidewalk, and people unnecessarily touching me.

The last item on the list proves to be a problem, or, at the very least, the cause of considerable worry, because as of 2:00 pm today I will be participating in my very first massage, courtesy of Head Games and The Landing. We Questers were fortunate enough to receive "half way through" surprise gifts of massages/facials/and another fancy type of massage involving oils and mud and shamans, I think. I'm the recipient of a straight up massage and I have no idea what to expect.

Through the past month and a half I've put my body through a good amount of stress; both physically via classes at The Landing, and emotionally, while finishing school, trying to find work, and just everyday annoyances. The last few classes I've taken have been Kettlebell and after my most recent workout I noticed my lower back was a little sore. Couple that with my few days of "being a lady" this week and I'm sure my back and spine are gasping for some help.

I think a lot of the reserve and apprehension I'm feeling towards this massage is that I'm not a particularly touchy-feely person. I don't mind hugs, in fact, I willingly dole them out to friends and family. But I cringe when someone grabs my arm to look at my tattoo(s) (which, by the way, is bad manners. I don't pull at the few strands of hair left on your head and ask to see your bald spot, do I? Didn't think so), or when trying to squeeze by someone, or having someone squeeze by me in a tight spot and the dreaded "excuse-me" hand-on-lower back/shoulder/hip move occurs. It causes me to shudder and lose balance for a moment, wondering what just happened and needing to sit down for a few (okay, not really).

Yes, I realize I may have major issues and this isn't really a normal thing, but it's just how I am and it doesn't exactly stop me from living my life or anything, well, my fear of lobsters would be a problem if I worked on a lobster boat and my disdain for lettuce excludes me from most salad bars, but my "fears" are generally silly and laughable. Hell, I laugh at myself daily, which is how I stay looking so young.

But I digress, because with two weeks left of this program I'm thinking a massage is probably exactly what I need. I'm sure I will report back next blog with details of the one hour session and I'm sure I'll probably want one every week, I'm just psyching myself out.

Also, on a second, non-related note, there are only two weeks left, like I said, and I think I'm heavier now than I was at the beginning!!! I'm hoping it's related to a muscle gain because I certainly notice new lines in my arms that I just happen to see while I put my contact lenses in during my a.m. getting ready for the day ritual where I flex my arms and do my best Terminator voice and Schwarzenegger (<- totally spelled that on my own, by the way!) pose. I'm a little bummed that my body fat percentage wasn't tested at the beginning of this program because I'm curious to see how much of me has been transformed from FLAB to FAB in the physical sense.

I guess knowing that I've made even as small of a change as being able to do ten REAL pushups now instead of my measly modified ones is a big enough validation for me.

Can't wait until next week when I get to fill all (3) of you in on my massage happenings and whether or not I'm as heavy as I think I am because our weekly weigh in is tomorrow.