I don't need no "girlie" pushups

Seven weeks ago I was barely able to do a regular push up. Sure, I could assume the position, lower myself to the ground and then, kind of, sort of, maneuver back up. A push up it was not. I could, however, do approximately 25 "girly" or, more gender neutrally known- modified pushups in 60 seconds.

Mid-way through this Quest I was able to do 38 (I think) in a minute. The other day, while hanging out in my apartment and casually yet deliberately walking by my mirror and flexing my biceps, I decided I wanted to test out my newfound arm muscles and was able to crank out 20 regular pushups (albeit in sets of five) with no modification and with way less struggle than when I tried before.

While the weight has not been falling off of me like I originally hoped it would, my physique has certainly changed throughout the course of this program. My arms are less jiggly and more firm, I can actually feel the muscles in my thighs flex as I do my squats, my abs are starting to get little lines of definition in them and, most importantly, my neck is smaller (ha. ha).

I've always heard that you should never really keep tabs too closely on your weight through the scale, seeing as muscle obviously weighs more than fat and a change in your body can be more accurately determined through how your clothes are fitting and even just the way you feel. I know for sure that if I eat a huge piece of pizza (ok, who am I kidding, take out the word "piece" and just go with huge pizza) the night before a weigh in I will most certainly feel bloated and puffy and not at all like how I should.

I've come to terms with the fact that the number on the scale moving up instead of down doesn't necessarily mean I haven't made progress. Most of my clothes no longer fit to the point where I'm starting to feel kind of frumpy since everything is baggy-ish and bathing suits that I had and didn't fit when I was at my heaviest are now too big. Needless to say, I'm eagerly anticipating consistent tank top weather.

I have recently been taking Kettlebell with John of Body by John, and let me tell you, a combination of cardio pilates and kettlebell throughout a week would have anyone's ass kicked into shape in no time at all. Kettlebell is unique in that the gumball shaped weights we used are most certainly not light and airy, in fact, I thought my arms were going to fall off with a mere 15lbs. John takes us through a series of movements and repetitions, targeting all areas of our body, and especially our arms and glutes; 45 minutes later and I thank God for naps because I know I'll be needing one.

I've also noticed that Kettlebell has brought out my competitive side. I am not and never really have been a competitive person. It's just generally not in my nature to want to prove myself better than someone or something else. I don't ever really brag (except for right now?) and I get embarrassed if I'm complimented or thrown a few "good job's."

So, when, at our first Kettlebell class consisting of myself, Jon and Jeff, instructor John proposed a little fun competition, we were all game. We had to go through three minutes working with two positions, doing each for 30 second intervals (did that make sense? I hope so). One of the positions was holding the plank for that 30 seconds and, holy cow, I wanted to die. The competition came in to play when we were told our knees couldn't touch the ground for the entire time. Well, I am proud to say I made it through the three minutes with no slip ups, I was able to push myself through the planks and once I broke through the pain barrier it was most definitely mind over matter.

I'm hoping to use that technique through these final weeks of the Quest. My eating habits have surely slipped, much to my chagrin, and I know if I apply the same mind over matter technique that got me through three minutes of physical pain then there shouldn't be a reason to follow a healthy eating plan. Just gotta put the old noggin to it…

Early to bed - yeah, right.

I'm late! I have never been very good about being on time but this week I'm a whole three days behind with my blog. In fact, most mornings that the Quest-ers meet I'm at least five minutes late. We have to be to the Landing at 7:00am and most nights I don't get to bed until 2:00am…you can see where the problem arises. My body is not wired to be a morning person.

I am nocturnal through and through and find that I am most creative and most active once the sun starts to set. For the past five weeks I have had to fine tune my sleeping habits, at least on Sunday and Thursday nights, so that I am not completely dead come Monday or Friday morning # and it's only partly worked.

Some of the problem is that my boyfriend works overnight. I am banished to the living room where I sleep on a daybed and I generally stay awake until he leaves for work, at 1:30am. By the time he is gone and I've wound down enough to try and sleep it's usually 2:00am, some really unlucky nights I'm up until 3 or 3:30.

It's not so bad since right now I'm jobless and only have a summer night course to answer to. However, on the mornings of the Quest meet-ups, it feels like pure torture. I think that because we're now through the half way point, I've been neglecting my sleep in a way that hasn't been beneficial in my twice weekly group meetings. It's easy for someone to tell you to get to bed early, hell, it's easy for me to tell myself that I'll try to lay down and unplug by 11 instead of 1, but always more simple to say it than do it. So, that's going to be one of my focuses as we ride out the last of this program.

My other focus is to try and make a better effort to watch what I eat. If my cravings were a wave and I was surfing in Hawaii's North Shore, then I certainly caught the ride of my life this past week. I have not stopped binging on crap I KNOW is bad for me. In fact, I made thin-mint-esque cookies, intending to give them to the boyfriend's EMT classmates but ummm, I think I have to make another batch because a box of crumbs would probably be unwelcomed. I don't know if it's the season or hormones or the relief of nearing the end of school (for real this time), but I apparently want to celebrate by stuffing my face with items that are not the most calorically sound. For a while I was doing well (let awhile = one week) but a night in the Old Port, many black and tans and one pizza later, I wasn't off the wagon, I was under it. My crippled body (let body = beer gut and pounding headache from hangover) and I spent Saturday "resting" and since then it's just been…ya. Sooo, I'm trying not to harp on the fact that I have regressed and instead, I picked myself up, brushed off the potato chip crumbs and have started this week focusing on getting through my classes and eating what I want, but with LOVE behind it (thanks, Deanna!) because if you are going to be hating yourself while you're eating something tasty, the results are just going to be negative energy put forth into the world. If I'm going to cheat, I might as well enjoy it for the moment and then move on to something else.
On the working out front I tried Kettlebell again, yesterday. I had done it almost two weeks ago and I definitely enjoyed the class. This time it was taught by the regular instructor, John, who ummm, kicked our ass, I guess, is the best way to say it. It was myself, Jon and Jeff and I think by the end we were limping out of the room but itching to try it again next week. I know I pushed through some personal physical boundaries and John was a great motivator without letting us give up. I look forward to working with him again.

As a wrap up I just want to take a minute to thank all of my family and the close friends I have for supporting me during these very loooong past nine years. My total amounts to: 5 colleges, 4 majors, 3 dorms, 2 states, and the big payoff? 1 degree (ok, not true, I have a two year degree, but the BA is the ultimate deal for me right now). There have been many, MANY times I didn't think I'd get to this point. I've judged myself more than others have judged me and for those uncritical viewpoints, I thank you. Especially this past year, knowing I was so close to having that piece of paper in my hand but feeling like I hit every road bump imaginable, I thought I was going to drop the ball numerous times, and don't get me wrong, because I did.

But I can also say this was the first time, in a loooong time that I put my eyes forward, set my sights on something and knew I was going to finish. Without the help of my mom and dad, Melis and Bec and Stacey, Jay and my wise wise counselor, Bob (hi! I hope you're reading☺), I definitely wouldn't have been able to finish with as much pride as I am. This Quest happened at the perfect time and I have slowly realized that I am incorporating a different attitude, a "let it be" and a "negative energy only breeds negative energy" state of mind into my daily life. So thanks to Deanna and Catherine, as well.

I'm sure these next four weeks are going to fly by and I intend to fully appreciate them for what they are.

Half way there, with a smaller neck to show for it

We've hit the halfway point and I don't know what I have to say in a blog entry that I haven't already said? I'm gonna give it a go with some bullet points, though. Sometimes it's easier than trying to form coherent sentences that "flow" together nicely.

* I am currently down 5.3 pounds although I think I've been losing and gaining the same five since the beginning. I'm hoping that at weigh-in on Friday I will be down a little more, even if it's only a tenth of an ounce!

*On that note, I live with my boyfriend who I see everyday and when I asked him if I "looked skinnier" (yes, the kiss of death in a relationship) his answer was, "I dunno. I guess. I mean...I dunno...your neck looks smaller." So apparently I was she-hulk, or a 97 year old woman with a turkey waddle gobbler hanging from below my chin. Rest assured it is gone and I am back to looking like an overweight 26 year old woman with junk in the trunk!

* Because I didn't spend enough time in college and my semester was coming to a close, I felt that I needed to prove myself as an overachiever once more, and went to two classes back to back this past weekend. First, I did cardio pilates at 8:00am on Saturday morning (and may or may not have still been processing the Guinness from Friday's debauchery through my system) and then stayed for Kettlebell afterwards. I was proud of my accomplishments in cardio pilates, seeing as I did not pass out or vomit. Kettlebell, however, was another story. By the time that class came around my body was fatigued and saying "no more, for the love of something, no more!!!"- I persevered and made it through, barely breathing and able to lift my arms above my belly-button, but alas, I won!

* Shannon and I were warriors and conquered the island known as Mackworth through the rain and sleet and impending Tsunami on Friday. Ok, a bit of an exaggeration, but we DID run/walk around the island three times, which equals out to a littler over three miles. Of course as soon as we got home the skies cleared and the clouds parted and all was right with the world.

* I am wondering if my bodybugg is sensing my waning motivation because whenever I upload my calories burned after a workout they seem extraordinarily high, which makes me want to continue to work out because I am my biggest competitor.

- on that note. I have found in the past that when I set goals for myself I usually stop after reaching them and then either a.) remain stagnant at the goal I sent or b) regress to where I was pre-goal. One of the big things for me with this program is knowing that it's "okay" to continue to push myself. I often relish remaining in my comfort zone and a class like cardio pilates has given me the motivation to push through the plateau phase i generally inevitably face.

* I've also been trying to make a conscious effort to at least watch, if not log all my calories consumed. It's hard because I generally dislike eating breakfast, I don't eat any fruit or many vegetables, I avoid red meat and seafood, and I'm pretty picky with everything else (which, really, you think would have the opposite effect and I'd be skinny for lack of food choices, but alas, you are wrong my friend because the world of processed foods and I are tight). I'm a big fan of smoothies that I've been making with frozen fruit (raspberries, strawberries, blueberries), stoneyfield farm yogurt, rice milk and flax seed. A few seconds in the food processor and there's breakfast! If I'm feeling saucy I add some kashi or granola and I'm generally set for a while. Food has always been my biggest weakness and issue so I'm just working on it slowly and seeing what happens. Also, here's a tip -! though it's good to get lots of fiber in your diet, there is a thing as too much...just sayin'.

* I am officially out of work and the economy, as we all know because it's all anyone, including myself can talk about, sucks, and I am broke broke broke. The upside is that I have more free time to work out. The downside, aside from scanning the streets for change and lottery tickets when I walk downtown? - oh, that by the time I'm "romper ready", I won't have the cash money to buy new clothes (let me ease your minds. I am not really intending on wearing a romper this summer, but I feel that it is my personal goal to be able to pull one off because damnnn if you can wear a romper then you've made it in my book)

* I swam laps at Reiche pool today. I had not swam laps since this past fall. I did about 20 lengths which = 10 laps and I felt pretty good. I forgot how much my pseudo troll doll hair hates chlorine and I need to remember a swim cap for next time. also, does anyone want to donate an ipod that you can use underwater to me? no? just thought i'd throw that out there.

That is all, folks who read this, which is really my mom, so mom, I'll talk to you soon!

Happy hump day, everyone!

-Alex-

So long school, good to see you again Quest

Week four is off to a rough start seeing as I slept through our group meeting Monday.

To be fair, I actually did wake up # to hit the snooze button and subsequently fall back into a coma. I had been up the night before until almost 2:30 am finishing schoolwork and 6:00 am most certainly came too soon. My guilt over ditching a workout to rest soundly for three and a half more hours is still lingering, but I have to say, it's also being overshadowed by the fact that, in less than four days, I. AM. DONE. WITH. SCHOOL. Let me just say that again # I'M DONE WITH FREAKIN' SCHOOL (kind of…aside from my extraneous summer math course, that is).

Now that I don't have to worry about writing papers and making it to class on time and running to tutor for four hours while trying to schedule a workout session in the midst of it all, my intentions to bust my ass until it is less than half the size it currently is, is in full swing.

Last week was fairly decent in the sense that I got two cardio Pilates classes in. I am obsessed with it! I don't think I have had a workout in a long time that leaves me sore afterwards, but also energized to the point I want to maybe go out and run laps or something…so needless to say I was bummed when I missed out yesterday morning.

We also had the chance to have Reiki last week and that was ridiculously cool, too. For some reason I had it in my head that Reiki involved stones and a bunch of people placing them on my body but…ummmm…no. It was done by Valerie, who used her hands to transfer the energy from her body into mine.

She was able to get rid of some negative "stuff" I had been apparently holding down for some time now, and at a few different points I could feel tingles in my spine; they felt like warm pulses running up and down my back # very cool.

I'm extremely excited that I get to dedicate more time to this Quest now. While I know I was an active participant before, I also wasn't entirely into it. Yes, getting up at 6:30 in the morning still completely blows and yes, I really dislike doing squats until my knees grind themselves to dust, but now that I'm starting to see results it's paying off. (not my kneecaps dissipating, but feeling muscles in my legs and calves is a cool bonus of 630 am wakeup torture, as I lovingly call it).
There's a slight chance I may be "running" the Mother's Day Seadogs 5k this Sunday, perhaps with Shannon (right, Shannon?) but if I don't, no worries, because the other big thing that our trainer Catherine has been trying to instill in us is that what we've done yesterday doesn't matter as much as what we're going to do today # unless of course you murder someone, then that's probably not a redeemable offense.

But in all seriousness, missing my workout yesterday sucked but I made it up by walking extra last night. If I don't run the 5k on Sunday, no biggie because Father's Day is only a month away and then I'll have more time to train.

Just gotta remember to go with the flow (and that, let me remind you all, I'M DONE WITH SCHOOL)