Otherwise harmless phrases take on entirely new -- and malodorous -- meanings depending on where you're standing when you hear them.

If you were, say, standing next to a gas pump and someone called out, "It's full," you'd understand it as an innocuous acknowledgement that someone has a full tank of gas or oil or whatever.

If you were standing outside a grocery store near a Salvation Army donation bucket and an elderly woman looked into the pot and exclaimed, "It's full!" you might be impressed with the monetary collection (but you'd still try to shove a dollar in anyway so you could say you helped).

But if you were at Baystock, apprehensively standing in a line for a porta-potty (acutely aware now of the downside to hanging out in the beer garden all evening) and a gentleman six people ahead of you steps out of the portable toilet and says"Um, yeah, it's full"...well, the phrase has entirely new implications.

If you were a guy, you might excuse yourself from the line in search of the nearest moderately dark corner (or just urinate off the pier next to the ice truck, as one man did).

If you were a girl, you might muse that holding it another hour wouldn't be completely impossible - and if you should pee your pants, would it really be THAT bad? You'd also come to understand why contraptions like the "Freshette" were developed.

I was moderately fortunate -- my line wasn't headed toward the "full" toilet. Even still, I wasn't optimistic. Any hope that did remain, however, was quashed when the woman in front of me stepped out of the porta-potty, kindy held the door and said, "Good luck."

I survived. My shoes, however, won't talk to me anymore.

Other things you don't want to hear in close proximity to a porta-potty:

"Oh my God."
"I've never seen anything like it."
"What IS that?"
"Somebody here today is apparently very ill."

Before I knew what My Alli was (the new over-the-counter weight loss product) a cashier caught me eyeballing a box proped near the register.

Cashier: "Oh no. You don't want that. It's only for people who are REALLY overweight."

This is America, I thought. Every woman thinks she's overweight.

Cashier: "I read the side effects. It gives you..." Here she gestures toward the seat of her pants, "...uncontrollable diarrhea. Like, you gas and stuff comes out."

What?! That's a foul reality. But people will go to extreme lengths to drop a few pounds (well, aside from walking 30 minutes a day).

Sure enough, I checked the My Alli side effects and they note, "You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom...it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work."

Smarter still, don't take pills that make you soil yourself at the office.

Restless Leg Syndrome Gone, and So Are Your Savings
Not a day after the My Alli discovery, I saw another commercial about restless leg syndrome (RLS). This one, however, noted a newly discovered side effect: compulsive gambling.

I had to Google it. A Mayo Clinic study found a link between an RLS drug and compulsive gambling by people who previously didn't have a gambling problem.

Sounds backwards - you'd think people with RLS would pick up the habit prior to medication in order to give themselves something to do while they wait for their legs to relax. If I couldn't sleep or relax for days in a row I might pick up (a few more) bad habits.

Sure you might lose your savings, your job and your family to addition, but dang your legs feel good.