As obnoxious as those clusters of signs are (on the roadside, at the amusement park, at the grocery store) I sincerely believe that most are necessary to maintain some semblance of order (on the road, at the amusement park, at the grocery store).

‘Stop’ signs, and ‘Yield for pedestrians’ signs let people know, “Hey, pay attention at this intersection” or “Please, don’t run over these people.” And we listen, for the most part.

But I find some signs perplexing. You know, the signs that simply reiterate what should be common sense – or warn “DO NOT [insert something you never would think of doing anyway here]”

“PLEASE DO NOT MOLEST THE ANIMALS” is one I recall from the zoo. Um, okay. I had no intentions of molesting the animals anyway. (It wasn’t until several years later that I learned ‘molest’ also means to bother, interfere with, or annoy.) Oh. Well I won’t do that either.

You see signs like “DO NOT THROW BEER BOTTLES OVER BALCONY” and “DO NOT JUMP OUT WHILE VEHICLE IS MOVING” and have to wonder: who’s the genius that was doing it in the first place to prompt a business owner to put up a sign?

That’s pretty much what I thought last night when I saw this:

Makes sense though - it was posted at an ice cream stand. And we all know about ice cream stands...the most dangerous places on Earth.

Drive Forest Ave. much? If so, this parked truck and its fine sign may look familiar to you.

Not being one to pay attention to the road while I'm driving, I've stared this sign down repeatedly. But it wasn't until my most recent rendezvous down 302 that it really caught my attention. "What? Does that sign say 'losers'?"

No, that was low self-esteem talking. But then, what's a 'lobser'?

Perhaps you highly attune sign readers out there noticed the misspelling (or is it...?) right away. But it reminded me of an e-mail forward I've gotten at least a half-dozen times -- the one that shows how the human brain can gloss over misspellings as long as the first and last letters are in the right spot.

Prvonig, ocne agian, taht proepr spleling is oevrrtaed.

Early this morning I caught a news story about another image-of-Jesus spotting. This time, the face of Jesus appeared in Forest, Va. after a paint can was lifted off a garage floor.

You're jealous, right? Well fret not, you can buy it for yourself on eBay.

The paint-stain Jesus reminded me of the Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese that GoldenPalace.com purchased a few years ago for $28,000.

So I walked into work this morning chock-full of optimism. Maybe those e-mails my grandmother keeps forwarding are right, and Jesus is everywhere. My eyes were peeled, ready, awaiting my first image-of-Jesus-where-you-wouldn't-expect-it spotting.

And then, there it was!

Wait, isn't that the kangaroo from the Aussie Hair Products commercials?

I guess it wasn't meant to be. But for anyone who has a severe hankering to have his/her own Jesus, Mary or Oprah on toast, CoolToast.com let's you create your own. (If you try this, be sure to click "Mohammad" and "Lohan".)

Anyone who's walked to or through Portland's downtown on the way to work in the morning probably has a few stories to tell.

Like the swimsuit-wearing parking meter I saw on Monday (I failed to get a picture - I'm so ashamed).

Or the lady that likes to collapse at will on the street and then fake unconsciousness so the paramedics will show her some love.

Today, though, brought warmth to my heart:

Honestly, I don't even know what it means. (Is Harmony a person? Should I be looking for her?) But I feel joyous nevertheless.

Thank you mysterious Portland sidewalk chalk writer. Your work is impermanent, but this feeling will last a lifetime.

And by lifetime, I mean until noon.