God bless cell phone cameras. Without them, I'd be forced to describe this scene with an array of weakly descriptive words that would never do it justice.

What is he doing, you ask? Perhaps he's engaging in a one-man anti-war protest? Negative. Is he establishing his rightful place in the teenage male dominance rankings by following through on a dare? It's possible.

Truth is, he's hoping to encourage passing motorists to pull over for a car wash.

Yes, it's usually the cheerleaders you see on the side of the road flashing their school spirit in an effort to raise funds for...cheerleading, I think. So part of me was glad to see the guys parading on Boadway. But then part of me wasn't glad to see it at all.

What happened to the old-school ways of making money? Baked goods or rocks with eyes and mouths painted on them?

I remember, not so long ago, the best way to make some change was a scavenger hunt. A fifth-grader-concocted scam scavenger hunt (I honestly think this was the start of what would become a life-long downward spiral).

A scam scavenger hunt's most important element was a carefully crafted list of 'needed items.' Household items like thread, pop tops, a plastic spoon, a straw, a pencil, a stamp would populate the list (the list would be typed, to reinforce its authenticity). The final item on the list: a quarter.

But you already have all these items - collected from your own home and put into a plastic bag - all of them but the quarter, of course.

So you go knock on your neighbor's door and explain to them that, yes, it's your birthday. And yes, it does seem like you just had a birthday. And your mom planned this great scavenger hunt and you've almost got everything on the list (flash bag of goods and authentic list with everything but 'One Quarter' already checked off).

Neighbor kindly digs out a quarter from a change purse or a pocket or a jar and drops it into the bag and you happily bounce around the front porch in celebration. And then you go knock on another neighbor's door and repeat the process.

In 30 minutes, you and a couple of friends could raise enough funds for a 7-11 shopping spree (selecting the best of the best from the bottom shelf 5-cent candy).

I know, it sounds awful. Though I did grow up and start working for a living, so my parents did manage to instill some sense of morality in me. But I guess, if I’m going to be fair, I can’t knock a guy for standing on the street with no pants on.

Ah, the things we do for money.

The yellow gel "Livestrong" bracelets made popular by Lance Armstrong are a well-respected accessory.

And let's be honest, wearing that bracelet implies certain things about the wearer.

I know, I know. Generalizations can be unfair (like if you hide a video camera in the bathroom of a room at your bed and breakfast, then suddenly you're labeled a "pervert." Wait, no. That generalization isn't unfair at all).

But I think it's safe to say that people wearing said bracelets are essentially saying: "I live life to the fullest" and also: "I support the annihilation of cancer."

A noble perspective and a noble cause, for sure.

But a friend of mine believes they're indicative of a whole lot more. She recently rehashed a story about a guy her friend had attempted to set her up with. His choice of accessory put the kibosh on any potential romance.

Her: "He was attractive, had a good job, but [dun dun dun dun] he was wearing a 'Livestrong' bracelet."

Me: "...and...?"

Her: "Well you know what that means. He's probably one of those super-dedicated people -- you know, who's serious about his job and exercises all the time."

Oh yeah, that stinks. Stay away from those good-looking, physically fit, happily employed guys. Consider this a disaster averted.

Before I knew what My Alli was (the new over-the-counter weight loss product) a cashier caught me eyeballing a box proped near the register.

Cashier: "Oh no. You don't want that. It's only for people who are REALLY overweight."

This is America, I thought. Every woman thinks she's overweight.

Cashier: "I read the side effects. It gives you..." Here she gestures toward the seat of her pants, "...uncontrollable diarrhea. Like, you gas and stuff comes out."

What?! That's a foul reality. But people will go to extreme lengths to drop a few pounds (well, aside from walking 30 minutes a day).

Sure enough, I checked the My Alli side effects and they note, "You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom...it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work."

Smarter still, don't take pills that make you soil yourself at the office.

Restless Leg Syndrome Gone, and So Are Your Savings
Not a day after the My Alli discovery, I saw another commercial about restless leg syndrome (RLS). This one, however, noted a newly discovered side effect: compulsive gambling.

I had to Google it. A Mayo Clinic study found a link between an RLS drug and compulsive gambling by people who previously didn't have a gambling problem.

Sounds backwards - you'd think people with RLS would pick up the habit prior to medication in order to give themselves something to do while they wait for their legs to relax. If I couldn't sleep or relax for days in a row I might pick up (a few more) bad habits.

Sure you might lose your savings, your job and your family to addition, but dang your legs feel good.

Not that my expectations of the edible provisions at Rite-Aid are that high to begin with. But chocolate chip-flavored cookies?

I'm no Chef Ramsay, but even I can bake out a dozen of half-way decent chocolate chip cookies. What's the draw with these things? Do they promise to get me back into my skinny pants in one week? Will I be able to focus better at work? Can I pull an all-nighter without that shaky feeling?

No? Then just give me some real dang chocolate chip cookies!