September 18, 2007
How'd I End Up Here?
It happens to everyone (or, if not you then the person sitting beside you, co-worker, friend). Everyone at some point has been on their own bus to "Happily Ever After" with their better half when the bus abruptly pulls over and kicks them off. Now you're left in a pile of dust on the side of the road as the bus continues on its voyage, without you.
Yes, this is how felt after my recent break-up. Confused as anything as to what went wrong, how'd I end up here? More importantly what comes next? How do you suddenly switch gears from planning meals for two and vacations together to suddenly eating a single chicken breast over your kitchen sink - alone? The single world seems such a blur. How do you manage it? What is dating like?
It doen't matter how long your relationship was (okay, less than 3 weeks might matter). If you were serious, committed and had hopes set on that relationship, you're completely stunned when it ends seemingly without reason. Or at least any good reason.
Then you think of all the things that were swept under the rug, overlooked, ignored for the sake of making the relationship run smoothly. You put in more than half most of the time? You simply figure that you'll get it in return at some point. You reason with him and with yourself and can seem to come to an understanding.
Which is why when he calls it off, you wonder, why did you give so much of yourself to another relationship? Why would you ever again? The romantic in me shouts,"because it's out there, he's out there." The cynic in me says,"give up, lady. Buy a cat."
Well I'm slightly allergic to cats and I am not a quitter. However I am no dating expert either, that is clear. I consider myself and average, late-twenty something, looking for what most people are looking for, that tax credit called marriage or at least someone to cuddle with.
Hence I start my search. I'm putting myself out there. Saying 'yes' to invites I'd previously said 'no' to. Trying all the magazine pick-up lines, online dating, cruising the grocery store. Anything I can to meet him, because he is out there.
So here I go again. Trying to find him, this time armed with much more self confidence an arsenal of dating tips and a blog.
OMG! I know this guy who just got out of a commitment too. The doctors say he is fine just as long as he stays on his meds so you should be safe on a date with him - in a crowded restaurant.
I suspect you have gotten tons on relationship advice. Who do you think has the more valid points: single people (What do they know? They can't find anyone either.) or people in a relationship (They forgot what it's like to be single you know.)
Posted by
CarlSeptember 19, 2007 12:09 PM
Carl, I don't know what Michelle's take is but I think you get the best dating advice from friends who have been single for a long time, dated and been disappointed, tried every avenue just like you, and lo and behold one day they finally meet Mr. or Ms. right. They remember how tough it is, the ups and downs and the despair, the feeling like you just want to give up. But they also know that when you finally meet that person and you know it's right, it's just right. Therefore, they have good advice on how to know such things. Although I will say the "finally married" ones have the best advice because they actually took it "all the way". The almost married ones could be dumped at any moment and be on your doorstep, sleeping bag and pillow in hand asking for a place to stay until they get "back on their feet". It's a heck of a journey, and I for one am glad Michelle is sticking her neck out for all of us!!! You go Girl!
Posted by
AndreaSeptember 19, 2007 02:40 PM
Roomie kudos to you! I love the blog, and your confident and fierce attitude!!!! Take notes girls!!!!!
Posted by
JanineSeptember 19, 2007 05:26 PM
Well Carl, Id have to say that in my experience. Both have given some pretty good advice and depending on what you want to hear which one is the best. Coupled friends may give advice on finding new love, help rationalize what has happened. Single friends tend to romaticize it less. they will take you out for a good time to get your mind off that loser that broke your heart. Both are equally important just depends on where you are in the relationship/break-over mode....
Posted by
MichelleSeptember 19, 2007 07:15 PM
I have my notepad ready!
Posted by
ShannonSeptember 19, 2007 08:01 PM
What's a date? (I think I'm going to need a 3-ring binder for this one.)
Posted by
LizSeptember 19, 2007 10:29 PM
Well said Michelle...never give up!
Posted by
ChristineSeptember 20, 2007 08:49 AM
Stop sweeping things under rug then.
Posted by
JohnSeptember 25, 2007 06:03 PM
Come on? what are you going to tell us; where in the grocery store is the best to pick guys up? who are you Kate Hudson? I think I can rent my answers out for 5.50 at Blockbuster. And come up with the same answers you'll eventually meet.
You know if u actually let yourself get into a relationship with someone and, of course, just calm down. Does this really need a blog?
Posted by
SunnySeptember 26, 2007 10:56 PM
Well Sunny, Ill split the cost of the movie rental with you if you can share those answers with me. Im very calm, as you should be because as I said Im not an expert but just giving my point of view. PS Thanks for the idea about the grocery store!!
Posted by
MichelleSeptember 27, 2007 01:21 PM
Is this going to be updated?
Posted by
acOctober 1, 2007 12:57 PM
Ok, here's my take on the dating thing. You can't give more than your hopeful partner is willing to give and vice-versa. A relationship is close to a 50/50 split, at times you may have to give more, others not so much, but if either person is not willing to meet you close to half way, then eventually things won't work out.
Another is, neither can "fix" the other person, and expecting somebody to change into what you think they should be is not realistic. The same goes for you changing for the other partner. You must be yourself! Either it fits or it doesn't.
Also, don't open up too much too soon -the other person can get scared. Take your time and explore each others interests, likes and dislikes.
Today, it seems people are in an all out rush to be in a relationship. Ask yourself, is this person using me for something? Am I using them? If so, there will usually be clues, so look for them and ask yourself, "am I being paranoid, or is this person using me for _______?" Once you start picking up on the clues, they will be impossible to miss. Act accordingly.
I have been in and out of relationships and took 8 years off from the dating scene. I have used and been used and made the decision to take some time for me and to get to know what I really need from a relationship (not want).
Once I started dating again, I went out with 3 very different women, and today, the third woman is my loving wife. We fell in love the second we first set eyes on each other and took another 3 months before we got together for our first date. When we are apart for more than a day, we both feel incomplete and neither one of us sleep well.
Ok, that's enough for now from this 38 years young man. Maybe this will help, or at least I hope so. Best of luck to the hopeless romantics out there! You know who you are!
Posted by
LeeOctober 30, 2007 02:09 PM
Post a comment
Blog Index
Dating, according to Wikipedia, is "any social activity performed as a pair with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as their partner in a intimate relationship or spouse." (a.k.a., what Michelle Greenlaw has been doing for about a decade). 
Subscribe
Questions/Comments
