A Dozen Valentine's Day Diversions

Ah, Valentine's Day. No other holiday inspires such thoughtful flower-sending, feeling-sharing and chocolate-eating. It's a day for heart-shaped cards, the Valentine's Day Bandit and the whispering of sweet nothings.

But not everyone feels the love when Feb. 14 rolls in on its bedazzled pink bicycle, all giggles and swoons, with a rose bouquet spilling out of the bike basket and the scent of cotton candy lingering in its path through the city.

Frankly, all that love talk makes some people angry. Those folks typically prefer nothing at all to the whispering of anything in their ear. And that's fine. Curmudgeons are loveable in their own way. But don't tell them that - they'll probably just want to shank you.

Whether you're a lover or a hater, here are A Dozen Valentine's Day Diversions:

If you're still pining after a 90s high school crush:
Cupid Loves 90s PROM NITE: A Valentine's Day Dance Party
Relive the love of your youth with some 90s music, 90s clothes and a pager clipped to the front of your pants. The prom photo booth will capture it all so you can relive it over and over and over.
9 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 11 | $5 | Bubba's Sulky Lounge

If love scares the &%$# out of you:
Midnight Explore Valentine's Ghost Hunt
Get into the Valentine's spirit by hunting spirits at the haunted Rufus Flye House in Damariscotta. The night includes a catered dinner at Salt Bay Cafe and the chance to meet new people...some of whom may or may not be deceased.
9 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 11 | $45 | Rufus Flye House, Damariscotta

If love is something you kinda sorta HATE:
Hate the Love After-Party
Maine Roller Derby's season opener takes place beforehand at Happy Wheels, Portland. Afterward, the bouting women of MRD will be ready to "hate on love, lovers, dating, and all things gushy with our hate cards, hate poems, hate stories, and so on."
Post MRD bout Saturday, Feb. 11 | $5 | Flask Lounge, Portland

If your love life could use a warm up:
Great Chili and Chowder Challenge
Is the ol' love life not exactly hot, hot, hot? It happens. Perhaps some chili can help spice things up. And everybody knows eating good chowder produces the same chemical reaction in the brain as being spooned on the couch while watching "Love Actually."
12:30 to 3 p.m. Sunday, Feb. 12 | $20/$17.50 in advance | Holiday Inn by the Bay, Portland

If you need to cool down, you know, emotionally, because your significant other thinks you're a little too intense sometimes, though you don't know why, you're just in love and when you love someone you want to be with them all. the. time!:
Freezin' for a reason
Chill out during the Freezin' for a Reason polar dip. The cold water can be invigorating, so we hear. Plus, it benefits Camp Sunshine. And doing good can warm your heart.
Noon Saturday, Feb. 11 | $100 fundraising | East End Beach, Portland

If your heart is big, but your budget is small:
A Very Too Broke Valentine's
Love can't be bought! But it can be serenaded with romantic country duets. Swoon to the live music and get dinner for two (two entrees, two draft beers or one bottle of wine, and one dessert to share) for only $25. Wowza!
7:30 p.m. Tuesday, Feb. 14 | $5 | Bayside Bowl, Portland

If you tend to bare your heart. And your body:
Eastport's Annual Bikini and Speedo Run
This event takes place in Eastport. Easport is five hours from Portland. That said, you should do it! There'll be Speedos and bikinis as far as the eyes can see! And pasty-white goose-pimpled flesh! On a warmer note: raised funds help provide fuel assistance for the elderly.
3:30 p.m. Tuesday, Feb. 14 | Fundraising | Downtown Eastport

If you're better at screening short films than screening girlfriends:
Local Love Muscle Valentine's Day Film Festival
Local moving company Local Muscle hosts this festival of short films. Admission is free and attendees get to choose the festival winners, who each get cash. After the films there'll be live music from Huak and Thee Ice Picks and you can dedicate yourself to making friends with the winners and getting them to buy you drinks.
7:30 p.m. Tuesday, Feb. 14 | Free | Geno's Rock Club, Portland

If seeing other couples together only makes you stronger:
Sweethearts Night Out for Valentine's Day
Catch three musical couples: Darol Anger & Emy Phelps, Brittany Haas & Kai Welch, Lissa Shneckenberger & Corey DiMario. If they're not enough to make you "awww," how about some free dessert?
8 p.m. Saturday, Feb 11 | $20 | One Longfellow Square, Portland

If you prefer it in writing:
"Love Letters" at the theater
The play follows Melissa Gardner and Andrew Makepeace Ladd III as they sit side by side at tables and read the notes that have passed between them throughout their separated lives.
7:30 p.m. Tuesday, Feb. 14 | $10 suggested donation | Chocolate Church Arts Center, Bath

If your love is better expressed artistically:
Paint by Candlelight at Color Me Mine
Express yourself through paint...on a mug or large serving platter. You can also bring you own beer, wine and snacks. A candlelight dinner is always swell too, but it's harder to keep the leftovers on the mantle as a V-Day souvenir.
5 to 9 p.m. Tuesday, Feb. 14 | $5 per person plus cost of whatever you paint | Color Me Mine, Portland

If "be mine" applies to your canine:
Valentine's Day Canine Cocktail Party and Dog Kissing Contest
This one's for the dog-lovers. Let us clarify: this is for the dog lovers who don't mind a dog tongue on their face and in their eyes. It's for a good cause (Planet Dog Foundation) and fun to watch the kissing contest.
6 to 7:30 p.m. Wednesday, Feb. 15 | $5 donation | Planet Dog Company Store, Portland